You Won’t Believe What Happens If President Trump Kept His Promises!

“The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.” – Bill Hicks

The minute you hear the word ‘politics’, an entire set of emotions is immediately triggered, emotions like fear, disappointment, mist-trust, … And there is certainly a reason for that, thousands of years of civilization and we’re yet to see a single political promise being fulfilled.

So it’s easy to forget, that politics is at heart nothing but a circus, as renowned trends analyst Gerald Celente likes to call it: “Politics is just Show-biz with ugly people.”

With that in mind, why not let the circus entertain us for a change?

Talking about showbiz, mention apart deserves Donald Trump, the man absolutely loves taking tough, using strong words, promising strong dominance… So why not take him up on his own words and share some laughs in the process?

That being said, this is first and foremost a comedy and this by no way, shape or form is an endorsement to Mr. Trump’s nor to his adversaries.

You Won’t Believe What Happens If President Trump Were to Keep His Promises!

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Donald Trump were to be elected president? We’ve all heard the controversial claims, the prejudice-based policies, the impractical plans, walls and whatnot… But what would a Trump presidency really look like if he actually tried to commit to his own words?

Getting Away With Torture

Donald Trump walk steadily towards the microphone and announces to the world that he will in fact, stay true to his word and that America is bringing back water-boarding along with “the worst kinds of torture”. He describes in a voice that is the absolute voice of death.

In the air breaths a sentiment of bewilderment and disbelief infused with the lingering memories of how we, as a species used to be embarrassed by these vile and shameful acts that belong far beyond the realm of human decency.

The Bush administration is in total disbelief now as comparisons become Inevitable.

For instance, back in the day, they had to craft several ‘legitimate’ reports supporting the alleged benefits of torture in comparison to Trump’s infamous “even though it doesn’t work” rationale. The contrast as you can see, cannot be any bigger.

So the real question becomes, where do we go from there? Because if this trend get any stronger, then it would be just a matter of time until some president registers torture as a human right.

Keep in mind that the Bush era was the prime of hysteria, we are talking about a time when certain channels were showing images of the same nineteen angry middle-eastern men on repeat for months on end. Not even that was enough, hell, they even had to invent brand new words altogether, e.g. “Enhanced interrogations”.

All of that was just to gain the support of the public of course, and by support I mean tolerance. Millions took it to the street in protest nonetheless.

In retrospect, the question immediately becomes:

What are we supposed to make of Dick Cheney now?

The rest of the world remains in shock as no one seems to be able to understand why the American public voted for someone who bypasses the Geneva Convention and human rights, again.

If only there were some modern examples to learn from.

In the midst of the confusion, Bowe Bergdahl is being thrown out of plane without a parachute on live television.

The term shocking news has never been so accurate. The international community lays incredulous as one would have to take a deep dive in history books to find a historical precedent.

“Let’s fly him over. We’ll dump him right in the middle; throw him out of the plane. Should we give him a parachute or not? I say no.” — Donald Trump.

The bad news is America’s image in the world has just hit historical lows as its citizens went from trying to explain the capital punishment to explain the Trump inquisition.

The good news is that we finally decoded the “again” in ‘Making America Great Again’, apparently it refers to the good old times of pitchforks, wooden stakes and burning witches alive.

And by the way, if thought that our little trip into the twilight zone has gone far enough already, wait until you hear the rest of Trump’s war-crime themed intentions, because you are not going to believe this:

“They care about their lives, don’t kid yourselves. But they say they don’t care about their lives. You have to take out their families.”

Meet The New Boss

Imagine this crazy scene, an American soldier is running around in the desert chasing after the offspring of local suspects through the windblown sands, he finally gets close to one of them and finally tackles a little four year old to the ground.

She falls face down on the ground and starts crying, he turns her around to face him, their eyes meet. He takes a deep breath and points the gun to her head. Click, her heart drops. He holds her close and whispers “sorry kid, I’m just trying to make America great again”. He pulls the trigger and takes her life, president’s orders.

Can you imagine that?

The same of course is true when it comes to murdering the mothers and wives. Normally when a terrorist gang kidnaps a group women forcing them into arranged marriages or selling them into sexual slavery, the normal reaction is feel sorry for these women, it’s a crazy little thing called empathy.

That’s the reason why some brave people try to free these poor souls from time to time, and now Donald comes along telling us that we are supposed to… Murder them? The mind boggled.

You would feel like #Bringbackourgirls happened centuries ago, you would be right, because we pretty much have travel back to the dark ages to find a society where murdering the relatives of your enemy was still within the compass of civility.

The Fifth Horseman Of The Apocalypse

Speaking of ancient measures, Trumps makes another jump into the space-time continuum and changes a 150-year-old cornerstone of American citizenship, birthrights.

The courts obviously attempt to block him, because whether it was African slaves back in 1868 or children of immigrants now, the 14th Amendment solves the same issue: Anyone who is born and raised in America cannot be discriminated against let alone suppressed.

Trump ignores the law of course and keeps his promise instead sending countless men, women and children to what he calls ‘back home’.

Home in this case means no man’s land since most of these poor people only have one citizenship; the American one. Even worse than that, some of them don’t even speak the language of their parents.

The Neo-Nazis are ecstatic, maybe even throwing parties at this point as 'pure breed' is becoming relevant again.

Trumps exceeds himself and now he’s coming for over one billion people, banning all foreign Muslims from entering the United States.

Yet somehow he still gets offended when people call him Xenophobic.

Prejudice is slowly becoming part of the new American way of life as the largest discrimination the world has ever seen is happening right before our eyes.

I stand corrected, the Neo-Nazis are definitely throwing parties.

Not even in their wildest dreams would they have expected to see this type of systematic bigotry taking place in their lifetime. They used to read these things in history books, banning an entire religion, registering them in a database, and now their fantasies have come true.

“It neither kills outright nor inflicts apparent physical harm, yet the extent of its destructive toll is already greater than that of any war, plague, famine, or natural calamity on record - and its potential damage to the quality of human life and the fabric of civilized society is beyond calculation. For that reason this sickness of the soul might well be called the Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse. Its more conventional name, of course, is dehumanization.”

― Ashley Montagu, The Dehumanization Of Man

Walk The Talk, Donald

With so much spending in the first months alone, the president will inevitably face the same situation many of his precedents have experienced in the past, proposing budget cuts to reduce the spending.

More often than not it’s unfortunately education and healthcare that take the biggest hit but if Donald Trump were to keeps his word then it would be the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) that would totally disappear.

And since we are on the subject of budget cuts, let us finish with one of the most bizarre of Trump’s promises:

“I would give him a double, probably a double size Big Mac.”

Picture this crazy scene, Chinese president Xi Jinping arrives to the White House after a long and weary flight, he holds his customary joint press conference with the president and starts rehearsing his toast for the habitual State Dinner. Only to find out and much to his surprise there is no State Dinner and that a McDonald’s hamburger is all that he is going to get, tossed to him by the newly elected president of the United States.

And if you think that this is ridiculous enough, wait until you hear what happens next.

Immediately after tossing the burger to his diplomatic counterpart, Donald rolls up his sleeves and starts to aggressively challenge China’s power in the world.

First of all, you would think that the way to achieve ‘greatness’ is to work as hard everybody else if not harder, and not by bullying the competition into being worse that you, but hey! This is the ‘show of Trump’, and this is how he does things. So China, you have got to suck more, because this man is trying to make America great again.

China of course politely declines, plus you can’t really assume any kind of moral authority when you’re throwing a McDonald themed ceremony.

But Trump has a backup plan, and by the way do hold on to your seats because you are not going to see this one coming. His plan consists of the following “cracking down on China’s lax labor and environmental standards”.

You really should have thought about that before banning the environmental protection agency.

This Is Not Gonna End Well

You know when they say that politicians never keep their promises? Well, if Trump wins, then it’s going to be the first time in history where people start begging the president to not keep his promises.