Allow me to tell you the tale of how I nearly ended up sitting in a piddle puddle, sobbing hysterically, and waiting for a gory death at 4am about a year ago.

Everyone that knows me, knows that I am easily startled. I can be a straight up shrieking pussy in the right circumstances. This night was no different.

I was reading my first Stephen King book (I know, I don't know how I haven't read his works before, either), and it happens to be "IT". I very vaguely remembered seeing the movie so this was the perfect yard sale find.

I was awoken with indigestion, a boring and common place thing. While munching on tums and waiting for it to subside, I decided to treat myself to a couple more chapters. I had gotten to a particularly gruesome and suspenseful scene where an older brother was faced with what APPEARS to be his deceased, and disfigured, younger brother paying him a horrifying visit. Clawing sounds were being described.

It was at that moment that I audibly heard clawing sounds.

From somewhere.

It sounded close.

I lowered my book and thought "oh! It must be kiki (my dad's cat) scratching at the doorframe in the hall like she does."

It was at that moment that she jumped onto the bed and I realize that no... that scratching isn't from her.

That alone, was scary enough. Until I realized that she had one paw up much like a pointer dog would, her ears slightly back, tail puffed up... and she was looking directly at my window.

And the pants-shitting realization that the sound was, in fact, real, and coming from outside my window was enough to leave me frozen in terror.

"This is how I fucking die", I whispered to myself.

At first, I was too scared to move.

My room was incredibly dark.

So I started to reach for my bed side lamp when I realized that the switch had somehow gotten between my blinds and the window.

Nope.

Nope.

Fucking nope!

Seen enough horror movies to know not to do that.

I started turning on pretty much every other light source in my room. Of which I had about 7. Excessive, but in times like this when you want not a single shadow? Convenient.

The scratching and strange sounds continue and I am sitting in my illuminated "oh fuck" cave wondering what the hell it is.

Where it is?

It sounds like it is on the glass.

But could it be in the walls?

I don't know which possibility is worse.

Then I quickly pondered slamming my hand against the window to scare whatever it is off. Then a little voice in my head said:

"ah... but what if it slams back?"

Bricks. Were. Shat.

Right as I am reaching the absolute climax of garment soiling hypotheticals, I hear a cheery little chirp...

A feathery fiend was apparently roosting outside my window and making all manner of noise while doing so.

The relief I felt was quickly replaced by rage.

And I found myself, sweat drenched, beating my book against the glass and yelling:

"I'mma have fucking mockingbird sandwiches for breakfast!!!"

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Gif credit to giphy!