I am not sure how long a lot of you have been following along on my mad adventures.

As some of you are aware, one of my first posts to actually be a somewhat hit on Steemit was "The Legend of Swamp Ass". You can read it here if you are so inclined!

Well, as I am sure you can gather, I love potty humor. It is so immature and foul that it circles back around to hilarity. Some of my favorite stories involve butts. And gas. And personal embarrassment.

This is one such tiny story:

One fine summer day I was at the doctor's office waiting to be seen. It was a mundane visit, just a checkup, nothing was amiss.

They were unusually busy and the wait was a bit longer than the normal.

"Nevermind that, I'll just stitch while I wait.", I think.

So I'm sitting there, cross stitching my heart out, and all of a sudden... I really have to fart. To the point of me sitting there thinking to myself that there is no way this fart isn't going to happen.

I don't usually brag about my sphincter control but this is a very rare event for me and I was quite panicked.

I start to sweat.
My eyes dart around.
I look at the restroom, perhaps I could traverse the crowded waiting room.
I shifted and my stomach made a horrendous sound.

No way.

Then I begin to self-soothe.

"It will surely be a silent one, most are.", I think reassuringly to myself.

What I did not take into account was the acoustics of the leather seat I was perched on.

Nay, twas not silent.

However, the waiting room itself, was.

The sound that came out of me can only be likened to that of a balloon animal asking a question.

SQUUUeeeeeeeeeeEeeeeeeeeee...ek?

Immediately, about 6 people, receptionist included, said: "what the hell was THAT?!".

I turned beet red and was stifling the giggles, staring intently at my project as a way to feign innocence. I stitched more intently than I ever have in my life.

After a few moments had passed and a child had stopped searching for "THE BIRD" that my lyrical toot surely must have been, I looked up...

Across from me, there was a gentleman, older, distinguished in dress, and smirking ear to ear.

When he met my eye he mouthed:

"THAT. WAS. YOU."

with punctuated pointing.

We both snorted and choked on our laughter until they took him back.

As he left he threw over his shoulder:

"See ya later, squeaky."

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Gif credit to giphy!