Never Get Offended Again (For Just $79.95)

in #funny6 years ago

Are you sick of seeing white privilege everywhere in society?


Are you tired of ignorant bigots offending minorities without meaning to?


Have you had enough of the Patriarchy and the damage it has done to society?




PSS AD.jpg


If you answered yes to any of the above, then you will be thrilled to hear of our newest product, "The Portable Safe Space."

With a recommended retail price of just $79.95, the PSS (Portable Safe Space) is as affordable as it is innovative.

The PSS is extremely user-friendly. You need only place the device over your head to activate it.

How Does It Work?


The PSS is a virtual reality headset that interprets your surroundings and then modifies them to appease your sensitive nature. The product utilises the latest technology in order to transform the undesirable reality of life in real time, to one that you can be proud to be a part of.

Whilst wearing the device, external stimuli is reviewed continuously, and any sound or visual data that has the potential to "trigger" the user, is modified to one that will make the user feel happy and safe.

Features:

While wearing the PSS headset, if anyone in your presence uses the wrong pronoun to describe a man, woman, a person who is neither man nor woman, a child, a dog or a bottle of juice, the device will automatically edit the sound you hear to the correct pronoun. This can save you hours of time each day, for you won't have to start an argument about how ignorant that person was for using a pronoun of their own choosing.

If you walk past an ignorant man wearing a T-shirt that reads, "Boys will be boys," no longer will you have to be reminded of the gender inequality among the populous, or the rape culture that exists in modern society. If you are wearing the PSS, the device will re-write the words on the T-shirt to read, "Boys need to stop being boys."

NOTE: If you are a highly sensitive user who also finds the phrase, "boys need to stop being boys," to be offensive, because it implies that transgender males should return to being female, then for an extra $12.95 you can get an upgrade which will change the words to, "boys need to stop being boys, unless they are actually girls."

If you enter a cab and the driver has had the audacity to place a dancing, Hawaiian bobble head figure on the dashboard, then you needn't be hurt or offended by its symbolic ties to the pillaging of Hawaii, for the PSS will remove it from your sight!

If you walk past any white male on the street, the PSS will modify the colour of their skin to one of your choosing.* This will ensure that you do not get reminded of the Patriarchy, white privilige, gender inequality, racism or any white person who ever did anything you did not approve of, making sure you remain in your safe space and continue through your day untriggered.

*Only one colour available for choosing.


PSS MAN.jpg


Pre-order your Portable Safe Space device today to receive a free wake-up call that will stop you getting offended by every little fucking thing, whilst ignoring the most important, real, problems that we face today as a society.



Resteem if you think people ought to stop getting offended so easily.

Sort:  

This is absolutely classic. Unfortunately the people running our society were the first to order and start wearing these:

clouds-over-sidra-UN-Davos.jpg

What a nice zombie clan!

This is absolutely hilarious and a fine Christmas gift for your favorite snowflake. I don't have any snowflake friends myself. Every time they get near me they just melt.

How much for a bulk order of half a million?

For you, my friend I do very good deal! $39975000!

People get offended too easily, tis true. :)

Love it! LoL

@originalworks

The @OriginalWorks bot has determined this post by @son-of-satire to be original material and upvoted(1.5%) it!

ezgif.com-resize.gif

To call @OriginalWorks, simply reply to any post with @originalworks or !originalworks in your message!

I know a few people who should have ordered this yesterday... ;)

😄😇😄

@creatr

A few hundred million it would seem..

I hope it does comes with a pacifier. So the tender beings can't scream or whine. lol

I don't have a problem with white privilege or male privilege...I don't care about any privilege...but I could use the device to erase annoying, grim, mean-looking people from my sight. Actually, I'd set it at 100% and clear the streets completely on most days.

Lol. But what if they only appear that way and are actually good peoples?

The calculating power of the thing would have to be enormous, enough to mine Bitcoins fast.

Makes a great Christmas gift!

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.27
TRX 0.12
JST 0.032
BTC 56858.44
ETH 2919.14
USDT 1.00
SBD 3.60