in funny •  2 years ago 

Cooking can be fun, and many people love bacon, but what about those who prefer not to eat animals at all, or pigs specifically?

While I was visiting some friends in St. Louis, I had an interesting conversation with one of their sons. He had something that he referred to as a form of bacon. Obviously, I was interested, so I asked about the process. Thankfully, he was kind enough to show me the process.


First, get yourself a nice big piece of an edible kind of wood.

Get a hand planer.

Use the planer to scrap the large piece of edible wood.

If done properly, you should be end up with a large pile of shavings.

Pick the largest and most "bacon-like" looking pieces.

Not only will this method produce "vegetarian bacon," but you will also be able to call it "select," since you selected the pieces.

Obviously this was a #humor post, and it was not intended to make fun of anyone's diet. I think that seasoned and fried in a cooking oil, this could actually be pretty tasty. It would be high in fiber, and probably more healthy than actual bacon too! Hopefully some of you got a laugh out of it!

As always, I'm @papa-pepper and here's the proof:


Until next time…

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Hey @papa-pepper, first I thought you are serious... :)
Anyway, I will probably never understand vegans and vegetarians who are finding substitutions for the meat which look like meat. Ones you decided to do not eat meat why you need to eat something which looks like meat?

Have a nice day and...

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Thanks a lot!

as a non-vegan that thinks i'd like to be vegan.

we've grown up on meat, we are used to it, we like it.

what we don't like is how it is procured, actually worked in a meat packing for a bit. it hurt my heart to be around it.

seems to me you must shut a part of yourself down to do something like that. if you look into the eyes of the animals, you'd find they want life too.

so cooking becomes a challenge, but is always an adventure, to make things that are tasty. i'm getting better at it with time, most advancement came when I learned indian style cooking, and some mediterranean styles.

That is funny and hilarious.



Haha good one ! I think I will stick to the real thing ! Thanks !👍👍👍

Show Me The Real Bacon !!! Mmmmm!! 😋😋😋🐖🐷🐖🐷

There's vegan substitutes at the store that taste virtually identical to bacon. It's not really that hard to find.. Not sure what they are made of. Looks like some people use tempeh or tofu, or even coconut meat.

Though you are right about one thing, eating wood chips is probably healthier than real animal bacon. Heh.

LOL, yeah, I know that there are plenty of options at the store... I guess I should have used the #diy tag!

Get dulse! It's the best - nutritious, delicious, inexpensive, and easy to find and work with. The DLT sandwich is a big hit on yt. You will not know you are eating seaweed. I put it in/with scrambled eggs. My vegetarian son would eat all the crisped dulse as it was cooling if I did not watch over it.

Dulse is by far my most favorite seaweed. Dulse and avocado together make a great dip. Now I'm getting hungry.

That sound wonderful! Great idea and it is on my list to try now :)

Thanks for the tip! Seaweed is suppose to be pretty healthy. I'll look for it.

This is my affiliate link for Amazon you can find this exact stuff locally in health food stores the states. Amazon is cheaper usually. They have a shaker, flakes, and big "leaves". All are fabulous. It's purple and delicious in all ways.

Halloumi cheese, also. Very like gammon.

And one other major plus -- free of tapeworm eggs.

I wonder if that is how real bacon is made?

Ha! There is a lot of sarcasm dripping from your "bacon".


Well it's more of a mapley sweet tone that complements the humor. Not in a bad way. ;)

LOL - You aced it!

Heheh. Ya know.. They actually look more like chicharrones.
I love you chicharrones!

Now hop in the fryer.

Chicharrones! We fry our own ;]

LOL. Love it. I just have to share this one. For all the purist...


HEY @papa-pepper beef bacon is the way to go!!!!!

That's shit

You Are Looking Like Player.

You Play When You Cook.

Work Is Worship For You,

You Are Nice.

Hahaha that's new a bacon out of the bark. Hows the taste is it good?

Haha haha... LOL.... Seriously I can't stop laughing...... It seems you've turned to comedian sir

Glad that you liked it!

Credit: T-shirt

LOL! Too funny!

Almost got me! ...
I said almost!
I've heard there's actually a type of seaweed that is exactly like bacon.

you and I lol have you ever tried seaweed soup? I had that as part of my dinner, delish!

No I haven't - sounds delicious :)

I like seaweed and have eaten a lot of varieties. Not sure about a bacon-tasting one though.

Dulse only tastes like bacon if you fry it up. It's good as a tea or sprinkled on food for a salt replacement. It's a fantastic choice :)

Good post

Nice one @papa-pepper

Post made me curious so I did some googling.

Turns out there is such a thing as edible wood.

It even kinda looks like bacon too!,q93afc3.pagespeed.ic.3s6vQiRXrQ.jpg

Wiki on the tree

There are a few trees that you can eat the wood of. Thanks!

Too much work to taste a mango. I'll stick to cinnamon and maple syrup... OK, that last one only comes from trees and isn't the wood, but I'll eat it anyway.

Looks yummy?I hope you have a WONDERFUL day!!! 😀 😃 😄

Do People Jerk Off To Bacon?

Thanks for the info! Upvoted your post but...

very interesting friends, like crackers aja when viewed ,,
I really like comrades ,,
buddy if any time please visit my blog buddy,

I was very relieved to find out that this was not quite as your title made it sound.
Bacon is one of the most amazing creations known to man, vegetarian bacon will be a slap in the face to all those pigs that have worked so tirelessly to give us the fruits of their labor

My shop floor is covered in it.

Bacon Bacon everywhere.

its amazing post


Hi! always happy to see your post...but bacon and vegetarian shouldn't be in the same sentence lol

Unless there is some sort of negative word in the sentence, like won't or don't... something with not in it.

yeah bud..

i see boobs....


Now this is what I call a tasty diet!!!

I think I will take some bacon with my nice and freshly shaven kiwis!!

~ @Timbo

LOL! @timbo!!!!

Ohhh, it just occured to me that the bacon is freshly shaven as well! ;)

Haha, I loved this made me LOL, but looks like you may have planed your thumb in the last photo, or are you eating your vegan bacon with ketchup.

I may have been spray painting too!

You crushed this one PP

we're rolling

I thought for sure this post would be that you take the vegetables, feed them to the pigs, and viola. You have turned vegetables into bacon.

LOL! - Great idea!

Pretty funny - you got me, bigly. ugh


Hahahah good one!!!

Thanks man!

Awesome post I fried some yesterday any I got to say it was tasy to my suprise!t

c'mon brah....that's not fuuuunnnnnnyyyy at all :)

At first I was going to say Are you serious.
It is funny though.
Keep on us smiling and laughing.

Well you got me on that one. I thought it was going to be a real thing. Haha good one.

Don't people eat bamboo, which is wood?

I thought its paper! Well, bearing in mind that wood is used to produce paper I was finally not too far from the reality, juhuuuu!!! Nice and funny, I like it, thank you!

Hahahah! I was really looking forward to discover your recipe of veg bacon mate! You got me here!
Very nice! Wood chips look quite same as bacon, you are right!

They look like "Grain Waves" chips :)

Now that is just cruel! I am a bacon lover and got excited and then I'm thinking wood chips WTheck? Okay , joke. don't know whether to laugh or cry...yep, you got me!

Hey, cellulose is an ingredient in many processed foods nowadays. Sometimes it's corncob, and sometimes it's wood!

This is good to eat.Wood cut in slice!

This was hilarious thanks. I hope you have a WONDERFUL day!!! 😀 😃 😄

delicious food, great post friends.

Hahaha good one @papa-pepper.

You almost had me worried right there, when was busy reading the first paragraph about wood shavings. Then I remembered the probably falls into the humorous "How to.." post category, now you just need tome vegetarian alternative to eggs to go with that bacon.

hahahaha for one minute i thought you had a genuine recipe , got me on this one , you are crazy. sorry vegetarians until next time as @papa-pepper says it

I support those who wish to not eat meat, for whatever reason.
However I'm getting sick and tired of seeing vege burger, vege sausages and now vege bacon although I loved your joke here.
Burgers , sausages and bacon are made from meat and rightly so.
As a meat eater I'd just like to say - Vegetarians please come up with new catalysts for eating what you like and....

I saw a video of making pork buns from cardboard in china, I'm pretty sure if they find your post they will make it, and it will look real too.

visit me @unnun

Lol... So, when someone brings a plank home, is that Bringing the bacon home? 😅

Haha! Lol, I was not sure if I should take the consumption of wood seriously or not! One of my close steemit friends have a little food blog going here, its amazing. She actually made me a meal one time and it was to die for! Maybe have a look out for it and try it out on the family! Im sure she would love to hear what Papa-P has to say about her recipes! If you have the time, here is the link! Stay well man!

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LOL I thought it was sserious too!

But then I saw a crazy red mark on your Thumb! what is that? I made this to investigate!

You don't think it is blood from when we killed the tree, do you?

I dunno maybe it's imaginary pigs blood from the imaginary bacon!
This Fakin Bacon stuff is actually pretty good when seasoned well and when u add garlic etc etc i love trying out all those types of foods, they can be really tyastey, i used tio get that stuff al the time

mmm looks good right?

oooh that losk crispy!

ROFL. Too funny @papapepper!

That one is crunchy and high in fiber.

Hahaha!! Fantastic @papa-pepper although I get that this is a joke, it probably tastes better than most commercially available "veggie bacon"

haha the best bacon for a tree huger

papapapapapa ppppeeeeeeppppperrrrrrr!


@papa-pepper - you need to add pepper, red for the color :)

Ironically, pink pepper comes from a Peruvian pepper tree!

Congratulations @papa-pepper!
Your post was mentioned in the hit parade in the following category:

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When I started reading this post, I thought wow! there is a vegetarian bacon and its made up of edible wood and @papa-pepper is sharing the recipe and method with us. Nice one. ;)

Lol! Love this post! Never liked bacon and I'm sure your vegan alternative will end up in the same category! Hehe... I'm sure it's an excellent fire starter though!

That looks delicious. Sawdust makes a great salad also.

Good point!

HAHA yeah I bet! Have you heard of tofurkey and macon @donkeypong?