Attention Ladies: My Balls are Ready for Your Mouth (Just in Time for Valentine's Day!)
Good Afternoon, Good Evening and Good Day to You!
It's your boyfriend, @nonameslefttouse The Writer/Artist Himself here again with yet more exciting news!
Today I have a very special announcement to make. After many weeks of preparations and converting logistics into an art form, it brings me great pleasure to inform you, my balls are finally ready for your mouth to enjoy!
It has been quite the learning experience over here at Two Insanity Productions. Nobody expected my balls to be ready in time. I had to fire a few people, hire new ones. I'll admit, I spent many long nights training the new people to enjoy everything that is my balls.
Taste testers were up all night sampling, filling out the checklists, getting everything just right. We had a few setbacks when it came to the size of my balls, but, fortunately for the team, after a long cold shower and much deep thought, I came to a healthy climax and was able to compromise.
I take great pride in my balls. I want my balls to be the best balls to ever hit the lips of any deserving woman on this planet during our love festival better known as Valentine's Day.
We were able to settle the lawsuits that involved many injuries after a few amateurs decided to get a bit gnarly on my balls which lead to the contents flying out and entering the eye sockets of a few unsuspecting patrons. We nearly came out of that situation unscathed so there will not be a price increase and to top that off, this year, my balls come with a melt in your mouth satisfaction guarantee.
It has been a life long goal of mine to provide you with the best balls-in-mouth experience you have ever had. This year, I believe I will achieve that objective, and some. Don't just take my word for it though! Have a look for yourselves!
Feast Your Eyes Upon My Balls! 
Mmmm!
Aren't they beautiful! I bet you feel like taking the day off so you can jump in and enjoy my balls all day! I don't blame you one bit. Every lady deserves a nice treat on Valentine's Day and I'm confident my balls will satisfy your needs and your secret pleasures all in one mouth full.
Do not delay, act now! Get my balls in your mouth before it's too late!
Don't worry either. Your privacy is my biggest concern. Once you have my balls in your mouth, I will not tell him a damn thing.
Since he probably forgot and that's why you're buying your own treats this year, I do have a little something for him too. That's right! This is your one stop shop for all things balls involved.
We had our lab technicians extract the color from a select few berries which grow wild in the mountains of beautiful British Columbia, Canada. Once mixed in with our secret recipe...
Blammo! 
Blue Balls for Him on Valentine's Day
No man!
Get yours today!
Coming Soon!
Damn. The balls joke is in music, it's on tv...and now it's in art blog form. Balls are everywhere!
This song occurred to me, I'm glad I had a backup (And it's Eddie Vedder, so of course it's awesome ;)
Give me some balls please, pretty please, they look so tasty...haha! Now here is the best balls music video EVER. Because it's Eddie Vedder, and every thing he sings is epic, including songs about balls:
Perfect!
Alright. This confirms it. If you want to be in the big leagues, you'll need a joke about balls. I didn't know this existed either, but it tells me something important. Nobody owns balls jokes! It's a free-for-all! People love balls jokes!
Hooray for balls!
Just imagine if you were the first to attempt a balls joke...I bet whoever that is was not well-received by this continent of American Puritans. But the balls free for all is a paved road that you can gleefully expound on!
Continent? I think that american puritan stuff stops at the border! Balls jokes have been around forever though. I'm sure Shakespeare did a few. I like to be as original as I possibly can though, which is hard when there are only so many words with playful meanings. I think the balls joke would lose it's charm if I did one every week. I'm glad I only see my balls around holidays...
I beg to differ, I have met some prudish Canadians! I'm sure Shakespeare did do a few, but if European movies are anything to go by, they are notably more relaxed about the human body ;)
Yes, the balls joke would definitely lose its charm if it was overdone! I think you've paced it perfectly
To each their own. If people don't want to laugh at things, oh well, and I guess that might mean they won't like me either, that's okay. It's been awhile since I did something stupid like this. I had fun!
Anyone who can't find humor in this is not your kind of people anyway, ha! Your 'place' is the most fun place on the site in my humble opinion, I have a few people who are on the brink of signing up, and when they do you'll have a few more people hanging out here. Actually one of them already did make an account (see the comment section for Happy Whiskey Wednesday with me and merej99) and spent the other night being a peeping tom. I recommended a couple of your posts and he loved them. He should be making his actual debut on his next day off from work.
Being here, doing this. These have been some of the best days of my life. I'll just keep pushing, doing my best. I'm really happy, most days... and that might be what I write about next.
Damn you Baldwin! I've been doing variations of this joke for months. Thought it was uncharted territory! I suppose Southpark has "chocolate salty balls". Balls jokes are popular! I might have to work on my penis... jokes.
You should work on whatever you'd like to work on. Totally natural.
I still like to be aware of similar jokes. I'm glad the context here is different than the SNL skit. I watched the rest just to be sure. Close, but I'm still confident this is a unique approach to the balls joke, so I'm happy with it. You almost gave me a heart attack though!
Man I totally didn't mean to give you a heart attack! Your joke was very original. It just reminded me of something else that was very funny (but clearly different). Just saying the word "balls" is funny. You put your own spin on it. I can't believe I am about to get serious about a balls joke but... I am really sorry if I made it seem like I wasn't tipping my cap to you for your humor. I think you are one of the funniest people on here.
I have a huge respect for comedy and comedians. There's an unwritten moral code about originality. Copyrights don't really apply so funny people have to look out for each and respect the code. It's not uncommon for people to come close though, just watch late night shows when they joke about a trending topic of the day to see that in action. Outright ripoffs are never tolerated though. That's how you get your ass kicked!
Glad you enjoyed it and find me funny though. That's all I really wanted to achieve today. There's only once chance each year to joke about balls on Valentine's Day.
"There's only once chance each year to joke about balls on Valentine's Day."
I have two...
Tip your waiters! try the veal!
Oh and for the "natural" part... I was playing off of your joke about working on your penis...
jokes.
and yeah... don't worry, I got that part. I've been trying to think up a witty comeback response but I keep coming up dry and shooting blanks.
We meet again...this steemit room is my hangout, haha! Check out my contribution balls video (Eddie vedder and Jimmy fallon, very hard to beat! :)
I learned about this one when I wrote Attention: My Balls Have Finally Dropped. I'm starting to think it might be harder to find someone who hasn't joked about balls.