A Day in the Life of the Man Who Heard Voices

in #funny6 years ago

ADITL cover.jpeg

I heard a sound, I woke up.

It was coming from the ground but I didn't have time to look around.

Go to work. That's all I could think about. Go to work.

Go to work.

Go to work.

Go to work.

The same greeting, everyday.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Who am I fooling? What is so good about saying good morning thirty times before I sit down to be alone.

Get to work.

Get to work.

Get to work.

What is this voice? It hasn't left me alone since I awoke. Is it me? I don't want to be here. Why am I here? Did I put me here? I did this yesterday.

And the day before that.

And the day before that.

And the day before that.

Where is my stapler? Why do I care about a stapler? What kind of moron cares more about my stapler than me!

Where is my stapler!

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Sir, it's behind your coffee cup.

Ah yes, there it is, my stapler, thank you.

Are you feeling okay today?

Of course! Always feeling good. Why do you ask?

You were chanting, Sir.

Chanting?

Yes. For thirty minutes you rocked back and forth in your chair while mumbling about your stapler.

Really?

Yes. You scared Nancy. She went home.

The new girl?

Yes. The one you put in charge of staplers.

I hired someone to be in charge of staplers?

Yes. After a similar incident you had last week, you hired Nancy to keep an eye on the stapler situation.

Really?

Yes. Are you sure you're feeling okay?

I don't know. Do I look okay?

Yes Sir! Of course, Sir!

Are you just saying that?

Yes Sir! Of course, Sir!

You're lying to me?

Yes Sir! Of course, Sir!

Why?

Yes Sir! Of course, Sir!

You're one of them!

Sir! Put the stapler down!

Shelley - Copy.jpeg

You're fired!

Hi, is this Nancy?

Oh, hello Sir. Yes, this is Nancy. I'm sorry, I had to come home, I wasn't feeling well.

Don't worry about that, Nancy. You've been promoted!

Really!

Yes. You're my new secretary. Congratulations!

Oh my gosh, Sir! This is amazing! When do I start?

Well, there's a big mess here to clean up. I'll need you in my office bright and early tomorrow morning before anyone else gets here. Wear something nice.

Yes Sir! I'll see you in the morning!



The Next Morning...

Am I doing it right?

Open Art Surgery unstapled - Copy.jpeg

That's beautiful, Nancy. Just a few more staples to go.

You're a natural!

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Credits:
All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
"I think Nancy deserves a raise."
[email protected]

© 2018 Two Insanity Productions. All rights reserved.
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(Click the link for previous posts!)

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Another great read.

Corporate life
Breaking down
Panic attack
Poor Nancy

Worn-out scroll wheel

It's all so familiar.

Thanks, and sorry about that scroll wheel. I just thought some good old fashioned shock humor was in order. Hopefully things go well.

I'm fine, but are you?

Bullshit answer: Doing great!

Honest answer: ...

I don't know what it's like to feel like three dots, but it can't be good.

Just not feeling talkative. I think I'll shut this thing off.

It can be done, they say.

Ooooo, the 3 dot feeling. That's a complicated one

I worry about where my stapler is when I get into work. They are a precious commodity.

This doesnt bode well

I used to hide mine in the same drawer that I kept all the pens I borrowed.

I would keep it in there but it is full of staplers that have somehow found their way into my posession. Somewhat mysteriously

Is the very last image your creation?

Yes.
Open Art Surgery Stapled - Copy.jpeg

Dude....PURE AWESOMENESS!!! I would pay to buy this (and I am VERY FAR from rich).

I made these last year at some point. It was called Open Art Surgery or something like that.

I can tell. I have similar stitches on the back of my head (had a horrific accident during my military service that almost cost my life) and it's there looking like that as I shave my head pretty often. I feel very attached to your artwork as you probably understand.

I've had a few accidents. Somehow, I'm still here.

I think I'll take a break from writing anything creative for awhile. Maybe focus more on the art. I'm down 100 views on average so I'm not sure what I did wrong or if working on art is even wise at this point but... what the hell do you do? I'm so fucking lost right now. Time for a holiday maybe. I don't know what the hell to do.

What about cash out (when steem pumps) a couple of thousand dollars and give yourself a 10-day lovely trip somewhere you wanna go? You deserve a good holiday

I'll see how it goes. I've haven't spent a dime of what I earned here. I was nearly homeless before all this. Trying to save up for a life later. I gotta run, dude.

This is insane. Of course ain't we all insane. Anyway, if you need a head of stapler affairs, I can take it since Nancy is promoted now.

BTW, am very interested if you have made a post on the Steemitnamechallenge? I would really love to know how your name came about so I nominated you earlier today.

I wrote about the origin of this name quite a few weeks ago so I can't really take part in this stuff. If I have time later I'll drop a link to the post. I can't remember which one it is.

Alright, now that I know I'll go through your blog to check it out. Thanks

I hope I don't chant "where is my stapler?" in my sleep tonight, otherwise, I will be kicked out of my house.

just ah perfect click

Dude your humor hides too many dark undertones. It makes me nervous.
I think I like it ;-)

😜🤪hahaha its outsatanding.
Your painting is very impressive & and i think its a great job .
Its apreciatable,
I like it & impressed.

So why not vote for it?

Dark. They used to take my staples but I never did anyone in for it. Way to set an example! LOL

:) fantastic post

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