[SATIRE] Forgotten Philosophers of the Twentieth Century

Forgotten Philosophers of the Twentieth Century

“Philosophy:
noun

1. the study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality, and existence, especially when considered as an academic discipline.
2. a theory or attitude that acts as a guiding principle for behaviour.”

Philosophy is usually considered the domain of learned men from the realms of high academia. Pictures of ivory towers often spring to mind, when contemplating the musings and ramblings originating from such deep thinkers that have graced our Earth throughout history. Many important, and often controversial theories and teachings have been gifted to us by these seekers of knowledge and wisdom. Vast numbers of books have been written, filling untold numbers of libraries, for those of us who dedicate ourselves to this fundamental pursuit.

However, not all our deep and original thinkers hid themselves away in the grand old halls of our universities. There were those who lived among us mere mortals, testing out their theories in the world of flesh and blood. These Philosophers do not always receive the credit they deserve for their words of wisdom, nor for the theories they have passed down to us in an attempt to help mankind to both better understand himself and the world he finds himself a part of.

Without further ado I would like to introduce you to some of these luminaries who presented their findings to us over the past century.

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Popeye

“I am what I am, and that's all that I am.”

At first glance this appears a simple statement, to be brushed aside and not given a second thought. But I implore you to offer it that second helping. Return to it, and consider it deeply. Popeye was a man known to be able to access deep reserves of inner strength. Aided as he was by the green leafy vegetable that some have referred to as Spinach, what Popeye is actually telling us here is that simplicity in both thought, and dietary matters, is actually the doorway to these realms of super human strength. There is no need to over complicate matters, or second guess oneself.

To me this is a logical progression in the philosophical requirement to “Know Thyself”. Popeye was a genius, a vastly misunderstood one.

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Dirty Harry

“A good man always knows his limitations.”

Dirty Harry is usually known as a man to offer his moral teachings via the barrel of a gun. A .44 Magnum to be precise. And just as every effective preacher needs a pulpit to reach his desired audience, the gun was Harry's. But what isn't as known is that Harry had a number of sayings he offered to his eager students that were delivered sans gun.

The above is one of those statements. And it goes to the heart of what Dirty Harry was trying to teach us. He starts by letting us know who he is referring to through the use of the word “good”. Whilst he doesn't define the word as he means it, it seems clear to the reader that Harry considers the moral man the centre of his philosophical universe. It is to the moral amongst us that he is talking to.

However, it is the second part of the statement where its true power lies. Here he refers to limitations, although yet again does not define his use of the term. There have been several of his students that argued he did not implore us to “embrace our limitations,” - only that we should know them. Legend has it that is how Harry and his trusty Magnum came to be such close friends. And from such a friendship we see the true essence of Harry's philosophical teaching's - “know thyself (your limitations) and act to prevent others from discovering this weakness.”

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George Bush Jr.

“I just want you to know that when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace.”

Here we have another unknown giant of the philosophical world. Although known for his achievements in other fields, George Bush Jr. remains unknown for his deep thought and structured reasoning. And yet when one looks at the above quote a true sense of the inherent wisdom of the man starts to show itself. The subtle use of juxtaposition to present such a detailed argument for peace is what, in my opinion, has George so far above his contemporaries.

Some have argued that this is a just an attempt to rewrite the past, but they miss the point. Here George presents the heart of his philosophical theories - “Not all is as it seems.” You have to look, and it needs to be done deeply and with reverence. Because at the heart of what appears to be wrong with this world is where you will actually find its opposite. A Yin and Yang for western thinkers, if you like. Though he may have talked about war – and let's face it, he did this a lot – it was actually an invitation to find peace. To discover that missing ingredient. It's been here all along.

George's clever use of confusion and subterfuge to get his students to face these inner truths is what marks him as one of the greats.

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Monty Python

“Nobody ever expects the Spanish Inquisition.”

The Monty Python team were known to use humour to present their philosophical teachings. Whilst famous for many statements, I believe the true depths and meaning to their works has been mostly misunderstood. The above quote has presented the philosophically minded individual with a conundrum for many years now. There were those who believed the group were telling us we should expect the Spanish Inquisition. That we should indeed be ready for an attack, or onslaught, and that such readiness was the true “Way of the Python.”

But there are also those who feel that it's opposite is actually the case. That we should embrace the fact that Spanish Inquisitions are indeed a way of life for mankind, and true understanding and wisdom comes through finding peace with this. Through entering into a state of non-attachment towards the Spanish Inquisitions of this world, an inner peace will be realised, and an inner awakening will emerge.

As happens on this planet, the Python followers seems to have split into two distinct schools of thought.

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Donald Rumsfeld

“There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know.”

Probably one the most ethereal and puzzling of the philosophical teachers I will be presenting here, the above quote from Donald sums up the enigma that he truly is. Many people have pondered on the deeper significance of this statement, as well as his vast collection of profound sayings. Yet it seems to have escaped every attempt to tie it down through an actual and clear meaning. Here we see the classic use of riddles to teach us a deep and difficult to understand truth about life.

Known to have emerged from the George Bush Jr Philosophical School, Donald's statements appear to have taken the next step, in both his use of circular logic, and surface level confusion as a tool to invite deeper contemplation and analysis. And in a sense he may have been too successful with these methods, as his teachings seem to have fallen by the wayside over the last few years. Why this is the case is unknown. Which would probably make it a known unknown. But that debate is still ongoing.

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Emilio Estevez

“I'll make you famous.”

There was a period in the 1980's when Emilio became famous for his Billy the Kid channellings. Whilst not a philosopher in the truest sense of the word, I feel that the teachings that came about through these “downloads” from a past-life entity show a profound understanding of the times we now live in.

To many people, Emilio became famous for this statement. And to some this is all he is famous for. And here in lies the central tenet of the “Billy the Kid channellings," as they came to be known. Since he made this statement, Reality Television has become a thing. It did not exist prior to Emilio uttering these words. But now we live in world that seems to thrive on the need of ordinary, everyday people craving the desire to be famous.

Was this statement actually a predictor of future events? Was it a mass hypnotic suggestion? Many seekers from the New Age movement believe so, and whilst largely unknown to the mainstream, Emilio's teachings have found an eager audience in that community.

The core philosophical teaching to have emerged from this is that one doesn't need to do anything remarkable to be famous. One just needs to embrace that inner “famous” child, and allow him to find his voice. One just has to know that they deserve it. And through such an experience a deeper sense of wisdom and understanding will become apparent. Apparently!

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Danny Glover

“I'm getting too old for this shit.”

After many years of fruitlessly teaching his philosophical thoughts to those who would listen, urban legend has it that Danny grew tired of it all, and at the end of one lecture uttered the now famous words listed above. It became apparent immediately that he had hit gold with this utterance of his, and word quickly spread about this mostly unknown philosopher.

Within days he was filling the lecture halls that previously felt deserted. The irony is that he actually meant that statement and wanted to retire, but his new found fame prevented him from doing so.

In the most famous lecture he ever gave, as he pontificated on the deeper significance of this statement, and just why it had touched a nerve with so many people, Danny himself said that he believed that it summed up all that was wrong with the world. It explains the existence of evil, and why good people suffer as they do. Asked to elaborate, he gave the following statement:

“Despite words to the contrary, God has been absent from the Earth, and its affairs for quite a long time. But I like to believe that there was a time when God walked the Earth. When he communed with us humans. But humans are a strange species to truly understand. And somewhere along the way I think God just got exasperated, like a parent when their child has pushed them for the millionth time, and uttered the words: "I'm getting too old for this shit."

Think about it – you have one group of humans killing another group of humans, whilst claiming God is on their side. However the other side is also making that claim. “We're right.” “No you're not, we are right.” And this probably went on for a long long time. Until God snapped. He had a God sized mental break down. And said unto the humans: “I'm getting too old for this shit.”

And since his departure we have seen evil flourish, we have seen good people continually squashed. This I believe is the central issue of the human condition.”

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And there you have it. My effort to help spread the teachings of these largely forgotten philosophical thinkers. I hoped I have helped spread some light upon these untapped resources.

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This article is my own work, written for Steemit
Image Credit: Unsplash.com

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