#1: A few things that are shocking but normal to some in my country: What about yours?

image source

This photo led me to remember a few things we as kenyans do do that are really funny from people around the world. So this post could help someone coming here to ease some culture shock. Yes we are mostly naturally curvy and mostly pieces of art walking by. You can ask the men above.

Language Shocks

We have two official languages. 44 ethnic languages and sheng -started off as a mixture of english and swahili; now it is totally different and you need a dictionary to understand some words- I too cannot understand. Some of the original sheng is now swanglish. Due to our ethinic diversity our official languages have also transformed. We can write and speak good english. I do. Direct translation from other languages is our undoing in informal sectors. So that you would have sentences like.

1. I am going this way I come. this is from swahili Naenda hivi halafu nitarudi This sentence in swanglish Naenda hivi nacome.
2. Even me From swahili Hata mimi.
3. Otherwise is a question in kenya.
4. You have become big is a greeting in kenya

So as you plan your Christmas party, for this man it is alright for him to ask this in a family whatsapp group

Then there are those who ignore the words on their T-shirts, or it is just the second- hand clothes (mitumba menace plus language barriers.

Social norms that are perceived as suggestions

This might be so in more than our country

1. Traffic lights: I really do not even know what to say. I am happy driving schools will be vetted soon on the same. Because apart from the traffic lights being suggestions to Kenyans, the ones riding motorbikes bodaboda they are magnets to death. I have seen a few of them run over, under trucks and lorries seriously injured and they never seem to learn. These guys in town they use the wrong sides, they go through intersections without care. They are always in a hurry.
2. Time: Most meetings are scheduled an hour or two before they happen. Do not forget that we have good time keepers. But Kenyans just do not know how to keep time. You call a meeting at 2pm and you will be alone at 2pm. Everyone starts showing up at 3pm. Most of the times with excuses like Traffic jams ( We are blessed with those), Some will even feign sickness. In short do not be mad, this will happen.
3. Privacy: Some people just do not know what this is. Especially in matatus, I have heard stories where girls were touched inappropriately in matatus. And if you have not met this guy who helps you read your messages while seated next to you, you are very lucky.

Photo credit : Whatsapp forwards

I will not start with aunties and neighbours who are always on your business. When are you getting married? When are you getting kids? Are you getting another one soon? Where does your husband work? Really? they are not friends as such but they want to help you even plan the time you slot to sh*t. These, are the women who will be telling my mum when I was younger " We niliona titu na msudan fulani hapo" They saw me with a sudanese guy. They are the village gossip radio stations. They know when you leave, when you come back, what you cook and even when you buy new clothes hiyo no supuu ulinunua lini? sijakuona nayo tena. ni wageofrey alishona? To translate * That is a very beautiful dress, when did you buy it? I haven't seen you with it before. Did Geofrey's mum make it? * You can lose your patience.

Phone etiquette

1. Flashbacks and please call me: I understand we have situations when this are very important. However what do you say to someone who sends you one of this in the following scenarios.
   a. You send someone money. They send you back a please call me message so that you can call them to confirm they received the money.
   b. A please call me or a flashback only to call them so they can borrow money. " Aki niko na kachama hapa, nimeshikana sana, unaweza niokolea"
   c. To tell you that they have really missed you and that you have been so quiet.
   d . For a gossip session.
   People have missed the importance of these features on the phone.

2.Social media groups fails: These include, adding people to groups they do not what to be in, Sending embarrassing messages to groups. We all remember the case of Bro Ochola sending a raunchy message sending a certain girl to cloud 9 on a church group. Whatsapp might have introduced the delete functions but kenyans will still screen shot.

This guy became famous for a month. Though no picture of him was shared. You can imagine the stares and comments he suffered in his social circles.

Thank you for visiting my blog. Join me next time for more. You can share your country's crazy stuff comments below.

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