ZERO BUSH REPORT: Elites Suggest Price Controls and using refugee's to 'Manage' Soaring Energy Costs'

in #funny2 years ago

Before the Russian invasion of Ukraine, Russia supplied the world with one out of every ten barrels of crude consumed.

The United States, Canada, and Australia then imposed embargoes on Russian crude, using a little known strategy called 'economic hari -kari'.
Because of this strategy, the global oil market is now facing one of the worst disruptions since the 1973 oil crisis , and may result in entire populations being deprived of essential energy.

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Fortunately, this won't affect the elite too much, so it's all fine.


One elite member told us (in confidence) that they are utterly distraught.

" The days of getting a blow job off the the staff, while you wait for your private jet to be filled, are over.
Hell, my fifteen staff now have to walk the thirty miles to work each morning, simply because of gas prices..."

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The International Energy Agency (IEA) has proposed measures to lessen the oil shock to those private jet owners, who can no longer get staff to fill the tanks up.

IEA said Western economies could reduce daily oil demand by 2.7 million barrels within four months by restricting how people drive, and by using the surplus of manpower created by the refugee fleeing warzones (that the elite created).

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Some observers have laid damning accusations of exploitation and 'going back to the dark ages' with the proposed new practices.
(very interestingly, all the observers and critics of the new proposals, have now killed themselves with two bullets to the back of the head. They all left the same letter, to. A note saying ' sorry - I didn't mean it, really. Elites are cool..').

In response to the accusations levied by newly buried critics , a statement was issued to clear up any discrepancies....

" It's not slavery", The elites said, "So fuck off and die ."
The went on to explain their position further.
"It's more like free market economics in action. I mean, 'they' have no jobs or anything, so why not use all that free time to band together, and pull a limousine that has no petrol in the tank ?

Slaves need food and water to, so not only do they get fed and watered, we provide a 100% free, keep fit regime for them at the same time !"

He went onto say, "Yes I know, it's above and beyond what they could really expect from us , but we have to care for the very common man.
You can thank us (the elite) later. There will be hundreds of thousands of limousine pullers getting into tip top shape and feel like they've actually done something productive with their worthless lives ."

The IEA added,
"These 'limousine pulling efforts' would not only reduce the pain being felt by consumers around the world, it would lessen the environmental damage as a bonus. It's a climate initiative we can all get behind.. "

The IEA has unveiled an action plan in the hopes that the Western countries will implement, so as to curtail the oil demand.

1/ Reduce speed limits on highways to around 10 km/h

Any vehicle with less than 6 limousine pullers, it's expected that 5km/h would be the maximum speed attainable, which is more than enough for most plebs to handle.

One elite explained "We all have to make sacrifices in this perilous time, and it's not fair to expect less than 6 limousine pullers to reach the maximum 10 km/h limit.

Some elites have even proposed a new incentivized system, to make the limousine pullers work towards a common a goal.

"Incentives are everything in the free market capitalist system,", Explained one elite member " ...So what better way to achieve this incentive, than by letting 'the limousine pullers' know that if they perform well, they won't receive a 120,000 volt shock from the taser mounted on the hood of the vehicle ?"

Critics of this new idea say this is nothing more than slavery and punishment, but the elites defended their position by stating - categorically - this is just not the case.

"We aren't using whips on them , for chrissakes - it's not the dark ages. In actual fact, by injecting so much free energy into them (if they don't fulfill their duties), we're actually doing them a massive favor. "

Since this report, the proposed idea for 'hood mounted tasers' is being revised.
The elites are now looking at the option to invoice the limousine pullers for every taser shock that they receive, on the premise that energy isn't free.

"It's a mercy shocking" , said one elite. " I don't expect to receive much gratitude for handing out the massive electric shocks , to be honest, but that's okay . No good deed goes unpunished ."

2/ Make the use of public transport cheaper and incentivise micromobility, walking and cycling.

"Not for us, obviously", Said one elite " But it does help fill up all the spare time that the plebs have. Why spend your time sleeping and being lazy , when you can get up at 4a.m, and cycle the 75 miles to work , instead?"

Other proposals to reduce the unnecessary use of fuel, include making all Ukrainian blondes escorts who provide 'services', now walk to their bookings instead of being driven.

"It's a win, win for everyone, really", Said one elite. "Not only does it ensure that the Ukranian beauties stay in shape for their job, but the 30 km walk to the bookings gives them the time to reflect on just how lucky they are to be living in the land of the free - and not being a limousine puller.

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" There's many a limousine puller that would love to be off their feet all day while being able to do their job at the same time, I can tell you..." Said one elite.

  • Congress is reportedly trying to push through a bill that would make it illegal for hot Ukrainian blondes to not provide escort serves to anyone who is earning more than $18 million dollars year.

One politician explained how this new law would ensure that 'no elite would ever go unserviced ever again.'

Leftist charities are in uproar about his new law, saying it is tantamount to class warfare.
Lenin Loser, CEO of the NGO charity UCKYM (Ukrainian Cattle Keeping You Warm) said, "Why should those people earning under $18 million dollars a year, not have this 'Ukrainian Blonde Privileged'?...(UBP, not to be confused with UBI).
It's morally wrong for those with more money to have access to UBP, while poorer people do not."

*Since the writing of this report, MR. Loser has left his position of CEO of the charity. Apparently, his low salary of $17.5 million per annum was the reason for his departure, and is now happily employed as a bottle washer for congress (salary - $18.1 million per annum).

Mark Twain once wrote, "history doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."

Mark Twain also said " Don't be a dick, and wake the fuck up"

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*Since Babushka made this statement she has, unfortunately, been eaten by a great white shark, while heading into the San Francisco bay are.

But on a more positive note - her sister is due to arrive in the next few days to carry on with the family legacy.
The yacht owner has sent his commiserations to the family living in the nuclear wasteland back home, wishing them all the best, saying that 'he'd love to send them over a fresh bottle of water, but... you know... energy prices and all that...'

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I've been asking over on basyton the last couple weeks if anyone knows what's up when you try and post a picture a black box pops up and says invalid picture format but so far no one knows or no response when I ask. Do you have any idea? I posted a different picture other than a editorial cartoon and that posted but I can't figure out why I can't post up editorial cartoons without that box popping up.

Asking me about techy stuff , really is an exercise in futility ! lol

...saying that, I posted on bastyon yesterday (upvote upvote! lol)...and i inserted the jpegs into my post, simply with 'drag and drop' from my folder...(dunno if that helps - or not)

No such luck because I wouldn't know how to post up the jpegs from the folder. Is that taking the numbers from under the pics and inserting them manually? Two sites I post from won't work while another I get a few from does. Don't know what's up with all that.

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