I Know Who is Responsible for Your Malfunctioning Currency Exchange

Greetings loyal followers.

My executive assistant Vera, who has never let anyone down (even during the peak of traffic), has informed me that one of your greatest inhabitants @thecryptofiend has sent a transmission chronicaling a problem being experienced by one of your planet's financial exchanges.

If everyone would simply keep their currency in one of these, they would be fine.

I assure you that once your planet adopts Galactic Credits as your official currency, you will never have these problems again.

Speaking of which... since 2014, I have been in "negotiations" with a digital currency exchange known as Poloniex in order to convince them to include Galactic Credits on their exchange. In my timeline, I have only been communicating with them for a few days. However, due to your unsophisticated technology, it seems like years from your moronic point of view. It is stupid I know... but that is on you and your feeble technicians.

A big part of the negotiations was getting rid of all of these green lightsabers. There should be only red lightsabers and they should be huge! And red should now be the color for AWESOME!

Although I could have simply forced them to include Galactic Credits, every once and I while, I like to have a little fun and pretend to be as weak as everyone else. It makes me laugh to play the role of a plebe like all of you.

Anyway, I finally had Poloniex right where I wanted them. I was about to close the deal...

And then it happened.

My freaking imbecilic, putrid, decrepit old boss stuck his puke-inducing nose into it.

As always, I had things 100% under control. Things were going great.

And as always he ruined it.

Kind of like when my marriage and the impending birth of my two children were going great… until he ruined it.

Yes. Yes you tricked me into murdering my wife. So yes you "did do that". Stupid bastard!

My boss is very similar to the inhabitant who epitomizes your people more perfectly than any other whom I have seen in the documentaries we have intercepted.

Even this numbskull would be smart enough to prevent the destruction of two gigantic and insanely expensive battle stations.

Back to the latest example of my boss royally screwing things up.

In this case, I was at my computer terminal kicking butt like a boss and getting ready to close the deal when he shuffled over.

“What are you doing Lord Vader?”, he asked in his ridiculously laughable voice that sounds like he has just gargled with a bag of sand he found in a Tusken Raider's sweat-drenched underwear (because he has).

Without waiting for a response, he said, “Allow me”.

Apparently in disgusting prune face language, “Allow me” translates to “Stand back while I F this up so bad that no one could possibly fix it”.

Then he did what he always does.

He F’ed things up so bad that no one could possibly fix it.

This idiot used lightning on a computer. Do you know what lightning is? Static electricity! Do you know what static electricity does to computers? Well my freaking idiot boss clearly doesn't! He claimed he was trying to help... but this what he was really thinking.

The worst part is, there was no need for him to try and do this wirelessly.

Look at his throne!

Do you see those buttons there?

Do you know what those buttons do?

They interface with the computers directly from his seat!

The one freaking time the lazy ass actually decides to lift his fragile old bones out of his throne… and he takes down an entire financial exchange.

To quote another of your great philosophers...

Here is what Poloniex looked like after he was finished putting his stamp of crappiness on the job.

Do you know when the last time he said “Allow me” was?

It was right when I was about to install a cover on this mother loving gaping hole!

We all know how well this turned out.

I will do my best to keep him away from the other nice things that your planet has. Actually you only have one other nice thing... Steemit. I will keep him away as long as I can.

But I can't make any promises.

You better install some kind of cover to keep him out.

Good luck with that.

Bank of vader
Polonot
Moron 1
Moron 2
More static guard please
Don't bother me. I'm on the throne!
Philosopher
It's broken. It's broken mom. It's broken.
Allow me... to F this up real good!