I am Lord Vader, Ask me Anything: Episode II

in funny •  last year

Greetings loyal followers.

The time you have all been waiting for has finally arrived. This is your opportunity to ask me anything.



Hey lady with the camera, my eyes are up here.

Hold on one moment. My executive assistant Vera, who could be the poster person for wonderfulness, just reminded me that this transmission is being sponsored by steemit. Here is a word from our sponsor.



Now that we have fulfilled that obligation, let us begin.



I am Lord vader, using the comment section below, you may now Ask Me Anything. I will answer those queries that I deem worthy of my attention.



What is she looking at?
Blogging for free is dumb
Any questions

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Have you seen this lovely portrait of you an artist here on steemit has made of you? https://steemit.com/drawing/@inber/missing-darth-vaider-and-the-empire

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I have now. that is a wise person. She knew I was already perfect.

Lord Vader, what's the story behind this revealing moment?

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that's hilarious, and goes perfectly with this one! lol

First I would like to say that I am not wearing any pants.

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I see you have paying attention. You have earned this...

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The story is that I have great gams. And great everything else as well.

Sadly this is not true. My teacher made sure of that.

But my legs would be this amazing if I still had them.

When did this obsession with leather start ?

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Probably right around the time I saw her...

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HUM-ANA-HUM-ANA-HUM-ANA ... I also like leather now.

Why did you do that cringey "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" at the end of 'Revenge of the Sith'?
It gave me chest contractions.

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It was at that moment that I realized I was stuck working for that puke enduring Emperor forever.

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The Butthead to your Beavis?

What color are your underwear? I bet their plaid.

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Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it's usually something unusual.

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Stripes reference!

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You are very wise. You have earned this...

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Batman underoos?

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If the "chick" is her...

then yes.

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I bet their plaid.

Spaceballs reference. Got it.

So you and Natalie Portman had a little fling if I recall... was she an ambassador in the streets and a freak in the sheets?

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I only recall kissing her one time by that lake on Naboo.

But this happened...

So I know something else happened. My mind was a little fuzzy after MY FREAKING TEACHER CUT OFF MY LEGS AND LEFT ME IN LAVA!

She was hot though.

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Maybe they weren't yours and the whole saga is wrong then Vader!

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Hmmm that would explain why that farm boy is so whiny.

What did you think of this interpretation of you?

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Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... except in this case.

Although I did learn much of the history of your world from a documentary produced by this director.

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You may also find the documentaries produced by the esteemed Monty Python to be highly enlightening.

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Only if they would produce one on the meaning of life...

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A reputable third party has already informed us that the ultimate answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is 42.

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"The Inquisition here we go, the Inquisition what a show

I know you're wishin' that we'd go away, but the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay."

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Torquemada is one of my favorite people from your planet.

How do you go to the bathroom in the suit - diaper? Advanced waste disposal system? I've GOT to know!!! :D

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Like this...

Then I have a series of droids, change and wash my armor.

Do you have an internal fan in summer

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Well an external one wouldn't do much good.

do you enjoy spicy Indian food?

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I tend to avoid anything hot after this...

Here are a couple of questions Lord Vadar

  1. What goes ON and ON with an I between?
  2. If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
  3. Why is pizza in a square box?
  4. If glue sticks to any surface, why doesn't it stick to its container?
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2 Because banks are freaking stupid and everyone should use steem instead.

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Hahaha i love this guy.. true that..

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3 Because a square box can be made from a single sheet of cardboard. It is one of the few things your plant's engineers got right.

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4 The Force


room for one more vader?

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Is your question "Why are you such an excellent dancer?"

The answer is because I am awesome at everything.

What does Darth Vader mean? And what happens when your outfit gets itchy, do you use the force to scratch? Loved you in Rogue One.

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Thank you. I loved me in Rogue one too.

Darth is my title as a Sith. "Vader" means "father". Not sure why the Emperor would name mean something to do with a father... but he sucks so who knows?

I do use the Force to do many things inside my armor. Many things.

How do you feel about Justin Bieber?

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At his pinnacle, he almost single handedly lead to a Death Star visit for your planet.

I'm still pretty mad at canada.

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Wow! You are genius!

Lord Vader - What is your biggest dream ?

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I dream about meatball sandwiches. All you can eat for two bucks!

Lord Vader -

One of my patient's is suffering from a terrible lack of faith, and I need your help in treating his condition. His lightsaber doesn't ignite any longer.

Is there anything that can help his Force to 'awaken'?

Respectfully yours,
MNIV

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Tell him to wear this. It will temporarily bestow upon him some of my power.

Have you been using the force to push the price of Steem up lately?

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My mere presence is enough to move things in any direction I please. I also tapped into my old (and mostly useless) Jedi training to use a mind trick to convince people to send transmissions about cats and dogs.

Transmissions about cats and dogs... 60% of the time it works every time.

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Yes! It is the worst!

Who gave you the name "DARTH" Vader, I thought it was Dark Vader for almost all of my lifetime.

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The stupid Emperor. Probably the only cool thing he ever did.

Darth was a title given to the Dark Lords of the Sith Order, which preceded a moniker different from the birth name.

The title was already in use about one millennium before the Clone Wars, when Darth Bane created the Rule of Two. Me am some other guy (Darth Tyrannosaurs Rex) both had the name given to us by our master when we were apprentices.

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Are you sure you didn't start out as Bart Vader?

There was a kid when I was in grade school.

Boy was he ever a whiner!

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Did he look like this...

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YES, that's him!!

I wonder what ever happened to him?

He moved away in the middle of one semester.

Somebody said his Aunt & Uncle were killed when their meth lab blew up.

That's what the Storm Troopers said anyway.

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Meth is a big problem especially on the desert planets in my galaxy.

The troopers are still looking for this guy. Let us know if you have any information.

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Meth? They must not be eating a healthy diet. Their bodies are left wanting. Here's a recipe for Jakku Ration Bread that I found online. Now that's a balanced meal.

Rey’s Portion Bread

Ingredients:
1/2 teaspoon vegetable oil
4 tablespoons cake flour
1-1/2 tablespoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon matcha powder
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
pinch of salt
2 tablespoons whole milk
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

  1. Place the oil in a mug and swirl around to grease the inside.
  2. Add the cake flour, sugar, matcha powder, baking powder and salt into the mug, stirring together.
  3. Pour in the milk and vanilla, then cook in the microwave on high for 45 seconds.
  4. Let cool slightly and serve.

Source: http://www.starwars.com/news/reys-portion-bread

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Are you sure that isn't a recipe for this...

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In any case, this is the mold you would want to use.

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You can rely on me.

I ALWAYS cooperate with the Brave Imperial Troopers who are constantly on guard protecting us from the Rebel Scum.

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Thank you for your loyalty.

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k. Most of it went over my head though

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You should find this guy.

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Do you think this "Star Lord" fellow who hangs out with the guy in the image to be a potential force wielder by any chane?

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The only way that a person from your planet could be a Force wielder is if his father were a planet... and that is just silly.

Is this a video of you making a spoof of a little boy, or is this really how you are after the dentist?

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I don't recall this incident, but that looks like the automobile I was in when I was with this man...

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You smoke down with Snoop?

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That is his name?! I have his name in my phone but couldn't figure out who it was. I can't wait to hang out with him again. He is hilarious!

What's your favourite band or singer?

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Do you mean besides me?

I like these guys a lot.

They have written many songs about me like "I am the Champion", "I will Rock You", "Another one Bites the Dust", "Fat Bottom Girls," and "Flash" (It was originally "Darth.... ahhh.... he'll kill everyone of us... Darrrrth."

Lord Vader, Have you ever tried Korean ramen?

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Are they anything like this?

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Omg!! You're awsome :)

I don't have a question Lord Vader... But if you approve of this design, I'd be honored to send you one of my shirts oh great one.

https://teespring.com/starwarsiamyourfather#pid=369&cid=6524&sid=front

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If you message me in chat, we can arrange getting one of these in your hands

What do you have in your pockets right now.

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Rage. I have a pocket full of rage!

If you and Kirk from Star trek fought, who will win?

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Let me help you with this. I will fix your question.

"If you and anyone, ever, in the history of time fought, who will win?"

the answer is ME!

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Obi Wan? I mean, you got the rematch, sort of....

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Yeah I ghosted his ass real good! Even stepped on his old bathrobe like I was squashing bugs.

How could Padmé sleep well when you always breathe like thunder?

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I don't recall very well but I am pretty sure she was always very tired. Plus it was before the "accident" (I hate my teacher so much!)

if donald trump is the president of US and steemit is awesome then what is the mass of sun?

just kidding

what's your favorite Ice-cream?

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lord vader a non-swirler

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This is what is inside of me. Guts. And black stuff.

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lol your bowel movement must be slow

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Wow that's look cool

Lord Vader, how do i get to the Playboy mansion? and have you ever been?

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How to get to the playboy mansion?

Step 1. Be me.
Step 2. See step 1

Yes I have. It was real and it was spectacular.

Would you rather drive a pod-racerbackwards naked through a corn field or do supper with that reptilian water foul Jar Jar Binks?

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I would love to have Jar Jar for supper...

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the... best

What was more difficult to learn, the unicycle or the bagpipes?

Also, are you really Scottish or do you just like kilts?

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Neither. Nothing is difficult for me... except for restraining myself from killing my boss.

Again the answer is neither. I wore that to prove I look cool doing anything.

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I have to say, those prosthetic legs are amazingly realistic.

Lord Vader, what can I do to become a whale here in Steemit? I want money, and power, and... ahem! I want to save defenseless bunnies.

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Step 1. Bow down to the Empire
Step 2. Buy a ton of steem
Step 3. Save bunnies
Step 4. Kill this one if you ever see it

vqtiu.jpg

Dear Lord Vader, why you always wearing the black suite? Do consider to change with other colors? Kindly reply me, thank you!....by the way...upvote and resteem for your post....

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Black is very slimming. I have been eating a lot of very fatty Ewoks lately and I have put on a few pounds. But you can never tell because of my black armor.

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hahahaha....that's good reason....nice...

Oh Great Lord of the Sith, greatest looking and greatest clothed of all that is dark!

I beg you to bestow upon us a tiny shard of your eternal wisdom to end this fight that has led to brothers killing brothers and wives running away from their husbands!

What is better: Kechup or Mayo?

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On fried potatoes? Ketchup.

On Ewoks? Both.

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thats a struggle poutine not good

cool.

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Yes. Yes I am. Thank you fro your support of the Empire. If we raise enough money, we can finally buy an exhaust port cover.

Greetings your Darkness!
JMW_4731-3.jpg


I always wondered...wondered1.jpg


What do you eat?
dinner1.jpg

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Usually a disgusting protein paste. But whenever I can I eat...

Delicious Ewoks!

And Funyuns. Lots of Funyuns.

How have your thoughts and feelings on sand changed over your lifetime?

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When I was a child I kind of liked it. Then when I realized we were slaves who were forced to live there I liked it less.

Then one day I figured out that I don't like sand. It's coarse, rough, and irritating. And it gets everywhere.

Then I killed a village of sand people. That gave me some new fond memories of it.

Now sometimes I like to hang out at the beach and think of that hilarious time I slaughtered that village.

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Now that I think of it, I believe I was asked this same question on a gameshow once.

Boxers or Briefs?

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Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it's usually something unusual.

What did you do for your latest birthday?

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I spent it with all my friends and family...

I was alone. Thanks for bringing it up.

Lord Vadah ... you are pure evil! its time for you to look at what the delicious morsels are upon the LIGHT side of the table : feast your eyes upon the enlightened wookie692bc61ab19101d1e8b07f5d87ef896b1cd19e48597a9745806fdb5be9261436.jpg

upvote and resteem

Great Info. thanks for posting - Voted and Following!

Nice post! Thanks. Please follow me: @martinst

Followed, upvoted and resteemed

Congratulations @lordvader!
Your post was mentioned in my hit parade in the following category:

  • Comments - Ranked 10 with 123 comments

hahah nice one! I got you!

I have read your blog.
Amazing post brother, good luck.

Help me to share this blog.
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hee the best movi

god bravo I Like :)

How do you feel about the guardians of the galaxy?

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I find them very amusing. The idea that they could guard anything from me is hysterical!

I'm fairly sure no one has asked @lordvader this question before so here it goes... How do I get the girl of my dreams?