HOW TO RUiN AN EMPIRE SPECIAL REPORT: A GREAT DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE

I need to delay my regular diary transmission due to a very important revelation.

I have felt a disturbance in the force and it is very serious. It has come to my attention that something sinister and despicable is happening in the Empire. What is this crime that is horrible enough to pull me away from my pursuit of the scumbag rebels? I'm afraid you won't believe me. But the following is true.

People are charging money for goods and services.

Moreover, when they are setting the prices for these goods and services, they are only considering the input of the parties directly involved. This is unacceptable. Clearly when you are conducting this type of transaction, the proper thing to do is to ask the entire community how much the two parties should give and receive.

For example, I recently commissioned a piece of art work. I was looking for something to spruce up a drab communication I have planned for later in the week. I contacted an artist and asked him how much it would cost to draw a picture of me standing in front of Rancor monster holding a big ass guitar and using a sand person as a guitar pick. It was going to be epic. The artist told me it would cost 50 galactic credits. I was very satisfied with the price. I needed a cartoon and the artist was willing to provide a satisfactory one. The price seemed very fair to both of us.

Luckily a very caring, thoughtful and wise crusader leapt into action. "Wait!", he bellowed. "You are being exploited!"

Gasp!

I responded, "Exploited? How? I am getting the cartoon I want at a price I am happy to pay. I don't understand." It is rare for me to admit something is difficult for me to understand. Normally I listen to the muffled voice and then do whatever the hell I want to anyway.... which is normally force choke someone. But this had piqued my interest.

This champion for the little guy went on to explain that if I pay to have the art created for me, then I would be robbed of the personal satisfaction of creating it myself. I explained to him that I am busy chasing rebel scum who threaten our way of life everyday. I simply don't have time to draw a badass Rancor, guitar and sand person combination. He stood his ground. "It is just so wrong! I feel so bad for you. You are so naive. Don't you know what that artist is doing to you?"

"Yes. He is providing me a valuable service in exchange for a reasonable amount of galactic credits", I replied.

He scoffed and sadly shook his head. "You poor soul. You just don't get it. If you don't have the time to draw it for yourself, you just shouldn't have the drawing at all."

I was still intrigued so I admitted yet another shortcoming. "I have robotic hands and no talent for drawing. I simply cannot do this myself".

The crusader responded, "You see. You need help. Someone should provide you this help. I have drawn many pictures in my day in order to help people. But I would never stoop so low as to ask for compensation for the time, effort, and service I provided. If they provide this help and then charge you for it, were you really helped?"

"Ummm yes. If I got what I needed, I was helped."

Then I asked, "What about the Empire's medical personal and training officers? Both help you to survive. Are you saying since their job is to help, they should do it for free? Why would anyone enter a helping profession if they couldn't earn money?"

His stance softened a little. He seemed to understand where I was coming from. I thought we had finished. But he glumly continued, "That price. That price of 50 credits is simply way too much. You are being gouged you poor fool."

I let the "fool" part go for now so I could focus on my response. "But I was happy to pay 50 credits for the cartoon. It seemed fair to me."

My former teacher and son are very bad negotiators as well.
They could have bought a whole ship for that much.

The crusader continued, "But that is not right. I should decide what a fair price is."

"Wait. You? What do you have to do with this? You aren't involved at all. The artist and I are both happy."

"No you are not. The artist is a crook and you are a victim he has exploited. You are so lucky that I am here to save you.", he responded.

"To save me from what?", I asked.

"From entering into a mutually agreeable symbiotic agreement.", he said.

My mind was blown. I have never thought of it that way. There was no way I could be happy if this third party who had nothing to do with the deal wasn't happy. What was I thinking?

Since I still held this wise sage's attention, I decided to ask about something else I was considering. As I mentioned earlier, I am very busy. I was planning on printing some flyers advertising my transmission (and like the exploited victim I am, I was going to pay for that too. I could simply copy them all with my own robotic hand... thus preserving the satisfaction of doing the work myself!)

I would need the flyers hung. And you guessed it, I was going to pay someone for their time and effort in hanging the posters promoting my transmission. So I brought that idea up to this noble philosopher.

He quickly retorted, "Have you not heard a single word I have said? You need to hang up each one of those posters by yourself. Or since you need 'help' you should find someone to help you for free. Please have some self respect and stop allowing these parasites to use you this way."

He was right. I could not argue with him. Since I do not have the time to follow all of his suggestions, I simply won't send the transmission at all. Thank the Maker that I ran into him. I almost had my potential future fame, reputation and happiness stripped from me by someone who was going to "help" me get my message out to the biggest audience. Well now no one will see that transmission. But I will still have my dignity, my potential future fame, reputation and happiness. Wow I really dodged that blaster bolt. I would have hated myself if a large group of people had enjoyed that transmission and I received a fair amount of credits for it.

Who says there are no heroes anymore?

Before he left, he stuck a flyer in my hand and said, "By the way, can you check out my transmission and vote on it so I can get some credits?" Then he skipped away to spend six to eight hours hanging up signs.

Curses! Jedi mind tricked!