Greetings loyal followers.

My executive assistant Vera, who is the living incarnation of a perfect game, has informed me that we have received a transmission that was delayed as a result of the non-linear timeline that exists between our galaxies.

It seems that this transmission was sent by that annoying, whiny, sister-kissing farm boy who is totally obsessed with me (but then again, who isn't?). That sister-kisser totally fabricated the story about what I did (and I have proof). It's really just sad!

Here is the video that @luke-skywalker has been circulating:

In his transmission, the womp rat murdering little twerp claimed that this was "an awful throw!" He added, "Remind me never to ask him to play catch!"

Don't worry you wacko basket case, I don't play catch with losers.

Besides, how do you plan to throw the sphere back to me if we did play catch?

Last time I saw you, you were trying to catch...

Right hand loser!

Your right hand!

Now about that "awful throw". I didn't throw the sphere like that at all. He knows it.

I am the most amazing and powerful being in the universe. I have never made a single mistake in my entire life, and I never will. Have you ever heard me admit to a mistake? Of course not. Because I don't freaking make mistakes! Ever!

Here is what really happened. In unedited video footage that shows the entire facility, it is clear that this was merely another display of my sheer awesomeness and power. When I launched that sphere, it was heading directly to that squatting human marked with a 21. As I released the sphere, my arm continued to swing through the atmosphere. As I did this, the Force reacted (as it always does when I move). In this case, my motion caused the entire facility to rotate very quickly.

I realize that your people are terrible at science, but even you primitives surely understand that if a sphere is in the air, and the intended target moves, the projectile will not hit the target. Go ahead and try it. First, throw a large rock at the window of your domicile. Now try it again. However this time, use the Force to move your domicile to the left or right. Oh wait. You clowns can't use the Force.

Then perhaps you should all shut up until you can!!!

That human should be very glad I did move the facility. If I had not, that sphere would have traveled right through him. In addition to literally everything else in the world, I am amazing when it comes to throwing a sphere. Part of it is because of my sheer awesomeness. The other part is because of my huge hands. I mean look at them. They are enormous. Of course my throws are fantastic.

You know what they say about a man with huge hands... he can grab anything he wants with them.

Even though this video is a complete fabrication, the pirate operated Coruscant News Network, along with other fraudulent "information" sources, are going crazy over the wacky farm boy, who secretly filmed a very personal moment, and gave a total lie on the content!

I can't believe this is still happening. We've been through this at least one hundred times. If you want to know if something is true or not, there is a simple test: If the information makes me look bad, it is a lie. If it makes me look amazing, it is 100% true.

Take the following video for example.

Did Puke share this one with all of you?

Of course not. Why? Because he is a lying, scumbag rebel. Those rebels are all dirty liars and you should do everything you can to oppress them.

These bad hombres are so bold that they even tell you they are about to lie. Here is what that lightweight replied to my transmission right before he sent his.

Do you see that? He plans to take actual things I say and do and share them with the galaxy in hopes that beings will see what I actually say and do and will turn against me.

Fortunately for your planet's inhabitants, you are much too smart to fall for these rebel ploys. You look past my actual words and actions to figure out what I really mean so you can continue to support me regardless of how heinous my actual words and deeds are.

Before I sign off, since that hater and loser tried to take something terrific and make it look weak, perhaps I should share a little bit about little light sword man's athletic prowess.

Hey moron! When they replaced your hand did they put them on backwards?! Only a buffoon would hold a bat like that. What? Didn't you have a daddy to show you how to hold a bat properly? You are holding it backwards! Did you learn to swing the same way you learned to kiss? By drawing a picture of your sister on a mirror and... never mind.

Maybe you are just mad that when you were younger I struck you out 1138 times in a row.

Once a loser always a loser.

Loser.

Images

Seriously? Ok. It's your funeral.
Loser
Huge hands
Who taught you how to hold a bat? Oh you don't have a dad. So the answer is no one.
Strike 1138