My Funniest Valentine Story Ever... Epic!!

After cruising through my feed on Steemit this week, I came across a post from @ashleykalila asking readers to Submit Your Best Valentine Story.

I entered and won some SBD :)

Just a quick note
DSound is experiencing some problems today with constant IPFL errors during uploads!
So instead of sharing some music with Y'all today, I will share this instead.
Best regards to @prc in the success of fixing this problem.
Huge fist bump to him and his team for creating such a splendid music platform.

So the story goes...

This was years ago in my early twenties.

I was staying over at my girlfriend's house one night, and shortly before going out to celebrate valentines night her brother had an argument with his girlfriend in the kitchen.
It was about him smoking hash all the time and being lazy.

"I've given it up" he shouted, and continued to rant about like a maniac insisting that he hadn't touched it for days.

Anyway, his girlfriend's parents were away for the weekend and she had to look after the dog which was a St Bernard, and brought it to the house to stay.
A Massive thing Indeed!

Eventually, we all went our separate ways to enjoy the evening.

After dinner, my gf and I went home and was greeted with an empty house.
Except for the massive dog toffee Bernard had left us on the carpet of the living room floor

My gf of the time was a quick thinker and not having much toilet paper or kitchen roll about, she decided that cling film/ food wrap was the material of choice to tackle this monster turd.

So she grabbed it up and proceeded to wrap it tightly, like you would an old boiled sweet...

Now, the funny thing was that after the ends had been chopped off, this dog poo wrapped in cling film looked just like a block of hash.
It was quite firm to the touch because it dried a bit hard when we went to dinner.

So

Many a time I caught my girlfriends brother being a jerk to her, so I took the wrapped turd, probably the length and size of a baby's hand to forearm, ran upstairs to his bedroom and placed it on his bedside table hoping his gf would see it and think it's drugs!!

A few hours went by and the two of them finally came home.

We grabbed the sheets tightly, as silent as a mouse, listening to the faint noises coming from below..

They were arguing...lol

Somebody eventually came upstairs to his bedroom!!
It was his girlfriend!! Yeeeeow.

After dimly hearing the noise of the light switch, it was deathly quiet for about 30 seconds then all hell broke loose.

She ran downstairs clutching the turd bar thinking it was hashish and began waving it around and hitting him with it in rage.

He was like WTF woman!!???

We decided to stay upstairs ear wigging at the door, just cracked up at the bigger picture here..

We were listening to an argument about a wrapped up dogs turd which she thought was a bar of hash, which he had meant to of stopped smoking!

The argument got pretty serious and the F bombs were flying left and right.. I specifically remember him saying.. It's not mine.. and her shouting " Well Who's The The Fuck Is It Then!!
In the end out of spite, she threw it on the big open fire that was roaring away in the corner

She still thought it was hash because she had never smoked the stuff and she still thought HE was lying about it !!!

I had to come down and come clean.

They were like Wtf dude? lol

At that point the smouldering turd was stinking out the living room with a strong pungent oily smell.

Bernard in the corner frothing..

Thats my story.
Peace,
Jeff.

If you liked my post please re-steem it to get an awesome guitarist out there on the Steemit Highway :)

Also follow for some cool music and other strange things.

Oh yeah..!

I put a storyboard to one of my instrumental tracks the other day.
Would love to get more views or comments on it.

The world needs to see it !

Please do.

Video here.

https://steemit.com/story/@jeffandhisguitar/moxicetz

Cheers.