More Redneck Church Signs!steemCreated with Sketch.

in funny •  last year 

Howdy folks and greetings from the Great Plains of North Texas where the sun is bright, the sky is cloudless, the wind is brisk and life is good!

I don't know about you guys but I love to read church signs when I drive around town, many times they're very clever and witty.

These signs I have for you today aren't in that category. lol. Lot's of unintentional mispeak and misspellings here that I think you'll find humorous.

They aren't necessarily all redneck church signs but most of them are. These here will put a smile on your faces as big as a wave on a slop bucket! Here we go:

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now this one below isn't a church sign but I'm throwing it in because it looks like it should be!

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image sources: #1 beliefnet.com, #2 mylittleme.com, #3-10 pophangover.com, #11-18 southernliving.com
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I hope these gave you a chuckle today folks, thanks for stopping by. God bless you all!

-jonboy Texas
the gentleman redneck

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PS- ya know...your church just might be a redneck church if:

If it has 300 members but there are only seven last
names in the church directory!

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Hi @janton! I'm just seeing this post and some of these are so funny, and some are downright embarrassing!

haha! I know, they're a crazy mixture aren't they? I'm so glad they were entertaining for you!

You killed it with this one @janton! That final joke was good too. I can’t believe all of those church signs. Not one person read it and said “hey, you might want to re word missionary positions or anal family events”. Haha… pure comedy!

Thanks for the morning smiles. I hope you enjoy your weekend sir :)

haha! what a treat to hear from you puravidaville and thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed these crazy signs! You're right, obviously they don't know how to proofread. But then, whoever doesn't know how to spell probably couldn't have caught their spelling mistakes I reckon! lol. Thank you for the kind words and you have a great weekend also. God bless you guys!

God Bless you too!

Funny, funny, funny stuff.
I knew that this one would bring out some good old belly laughs.
Going in I was already smiling from ear to ear in anticipation.
The content did not disappoint, as each one provoked a good laugh.
Love God and others it's not rocket surgery, now that's definitely a church with a Redneck preacher giving sermons to his Redneck parishioners. You have to figure that Rednecks did the lettering on these signs, if not they need to have someone sensor the content before posting.

Knocked this one out of the park.

haha! thank you sir bigsweed, I had a blast finding these but it took forever, I must have spent 5 or 6 hours looking at thousands of stupid signs to find these! lol. But it's worth it to give everyone a good laugh. Thank you for the kind words!

Many good laughs my friend, and as far as living like a mountain man, before ever entering the time machine there would be many stipulations.

haha! thanks for your reply sir bigsweed, I have to wonder what those stipulations would be. Would you still go if you couldn't take any gear with you?

I would bring a TV, My four wheeler, Many of my own semi-automatic weapons, some beer, and my pillow.
If I could not bring this stuff, there would have to be another stipulation, I would have to be beamed back after 1 month.

  ·  last year (edited)

howdy sir bigsweed! lol..you'd take beer. lol.. I'd take the best artic winter clothes, weapons of course, dehydrated food, firestarters like lighters, powerful binoculars and a good mule to haul all that stuff. Well if I could take a mule I might take some beer too! lol. well if I could take a 4 wheeler like you then I wouldn't need a mule, I wonder which could haul more stuff?

I love this post and you added some new ones @janton.

These signs are deep especially the Easter egg hunt one.

Have you ever read "Captain Underpants"? It's a comic book about some dyslexic kids who mess with the letters in signs. They crack me up. I was bored last night so I wanted to try something new.

Anyway thanks for the laugh from true blue blooded America.

howdy today mineopoly! no I haven't heard of Captain Underpants, lol..but it sounds like I'm missing out!

My grandson is a Captain Underpants fan, I think the books are geared towards kids.

howdy sunlit7! I was hoping that they were animated things that I could just google and bring some up but I guess I can at least see what they look like by googling it, thanks for the information! How's things in your city?

There is a movie you can check out.

haha! that's so stupid it's hilarious, I love that kind of thing, thanks mineopoly!

My grand kid is going to love that.

Going good, no significant snow so far this year. One shovel-able event otherwise scattered flurries. The grand kids were out drawing on the sidewalk a couple days before Christmas and the last two days it's been raining...absolutely wonderful considering when it's this nice in December we get slammed in January. Last year I think we got slammed in December then there was a slight break before being slammed at the end of January. I don't know, all I know is it's usually sooooooo long you can't wait for it to be over so having a bit of rain right after Christmas is so rare it's extremely welcomed. On the other hand though I remember the year before last we had all of about ten days of shovel-able snow...talk about feeling like the walls were coming in on you...I realized shoveling snow wasn't such a bad thing.

Howdy today sunlit7! That's true, snow can be a good thing and the farmers sure need it. Do you do your own shoveling? That's a lot of work, that job is!

I own my own shovel is about it...lol. It's not horribly bad unless it's wet snow. That can be quite the back breaker for the amount I shovel. I shove mine, plus a place in the yard to park my car because there's so many college kids living on this street it's just easier then fighting over a parking spot, plus I shovel out part of the driveway next door so everyone can get in and out, and I shovel the neighbors on the other side of me because he's disabled so I do it to help out his wife who works. If the snow is heavy or I know it's going to be a lake effect snow I will usually do it a couple times that day so it doesn't accumulate to a foot of heavy lifting or I will take breaks. Right now there's not much reason for a snowblower though some think that's a lot of shoveling, down the road a few more years and I'll probably have to get a snow blower.

wow yes that sure is alot of shoveling but good for you helping your neighbors like that! And it's very hard work but if you take your time it's a good workout. At least that's how I used to think about it.

Sounds like a lot of fun at the parish hall! You know those Catholics like to party, just ask @blanchy 😂😂😂

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haha! yes sir, a wild time at the parish hall! lol that's too funny. Speaking of wild times, are you guys doing anything tonight?

Drinking whiskey, eating steak, and watching the tube. What about you?

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oh that sounds wonderful, especially the whiskey and steak! no nothing for us. boss says we get nothing out of the ordinary until next weekend when she's off. lol.

she controls the finances since she is the one working at the moment so that's fine with me. but it sure would be nice to have some wine! I bet Germany makes some darn good whiskey too doesn't she? I know about the beer but never heard about the whiskey.

We have better parties than them dam Protestants ! 😂😂

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LMAO! These are great! Thanks for the laughs.

howdy squirrelbait! thanks, it took me forever to find these over a few days so I'm glad they're worth it!

These do make me laugh! 😂

ahha! gotcha! they are totally ridiculous aren't they? lol. It makes you wonder if they ever stood back and read what they put on the signs. Do you have a favorite? Its hard to pick but I really like the one that lists all the hardship disaster classes and then the surmon is going to be on the joyous future.lol. that one really struck me for some reason.

The one about Satin made me laugh! But they are all very funny!

oh yeah that's right I forgot about the Satin one..lol! So silly! they're retarded and they kind of build on each other so by the end I think most people are really giving their stomach muscles a work out lol.

You are right, that is exactly what happens. You are thinking how could this get any more ridiculous.... And then it does!

haha! I hope people fall out of their chairs laughing so hard, I think it's really good for us once in a while!

I agree! It is one of the things I miss most about Jim. Hardly a day went by that he wouldn't have me laughing so hard I'd have tears running down my cheeks

really? Oh my gosh that's wonderful. Yes it's so healthy for us to laugh and probably most of us don't do it enough. Time sure seems to be going slow tonight, I'm anxious to see what you vote is!

Nnnnnoooooo!!! 😂😂😂😂

The blasphemy is so deep!

haha! howdy sir nateonsteemit! yes but totally unintentional! lol.

Misspellings, I can undertand. Even mixed messages might not be caught if there isn't a scond person double-checking. But... what is rocket surgery? I know I know, when a poor old rocket gets sick and needs to see a surgeon.

Funny signs all. Thanks for sharing :) Reminds me of some of the crazy Japan English (or Japlish) t-shirts you find around here.

haha! yes sir dbooster that rocket surgery makes no sense to me either! Hey that sounds like an entertaining idea for a post, the Japan English teeshirts. Do the misuse the words?

Oh my gosh!!! This is too much!!!Including all those redneck jokes in the previous posts. I am laughing my head off!!! i have to show it to my daughter!!!

haha! I'm glad you like them Miss Lena. they build on each other and then by the time you get to the end most people, I hope, are doubled over and falling out of their chair! lol.

Howdy Janton! That exactly, lol. My daughter had good laugh too. I sent it to her.

oh thank you, I'm glad she enjoyed those also! She isn't interested in steemit?

oh yes she did, but Steemit no, lol. She is happy that I like it, but it's not something she would do even if she had the time.

I understand, sounds like Mrs. J, she has zero interest in steemit except she says it better start making some money soon! lol. I don't blame her.

Yeah, it would be nice if Steem would go back up!!!

Yup, very funny signs. You would think that whoever put them up would have noticed the mistakes.

hahaha..howdy sir Vincent! I guess no one proof reads those things because you'd think it they stood back and read them they'd maybe realize how funny they sound. But the ones who can't spell I guess wouldn't catch their spelling mistakes anyway! lol.

Great collection of funny signs... loved it!

howdy tonight sir keith! I know, those things are so silly and retarded that they're hilarious, especially read altogether, they kinda build on each other and by the time you get to the bottom you're cracking up, hopefully! lol.

Some very funny stuff in there! "Beyonce had her baby/Satan is on earth!" and "What is hell?/Come hear our Pianist"... just cracks me up! :)

haha! I know, it's crazy. But knowing they are real signs with real mistakes is what makes them so funny. lol I'm so glad you got a kick out of them.

Hilarious Church signs @janton They really made me laugh, but I do like the one with the heading: 'Evenings at 7 In The Parish Hall.' It would appear that they have every domestic drama covered. Gotta share this post. We could all do with a few more laughs in the day. (U & R )

haha! howdy trudeehunter! Yes Ma'am I thought they were really funny so I was hoping people would like them, thanks so much for resteeming and hopefully spreading the laughter!

My pleasure indeed Janton.

You did well on this one, I was laughing so hard I work my wife up..... which is pretty hard to do.
I saw one like these on the way to town a couple weeks ago. I was in a hurry but stopped to take a pic on the way back through and someone had already changed it...
lol, I know a couple churches with less than 7 last names in the directory. They don't quite have 300 members though... Unless there's a reunion in town....

haha! that's some funny stuff sir coinsandchains...well, I'm glad it was funny because I sure thought so and it took me way to long to find those, I found them over a period of days and probably had 5 or 6 hours looking at signs! lol. that's funny that you actually saw one like these and funny about the churches that you know! lol.

  ·  last year (edited)

Great post. You always make me laugh.

howdy sir oldtimer! haha. . I'm glad you liked those, it took forever to find those silly signs but I think it was worth it to give everyone a good laugh. Thank you sir oldtimer!

Bwahahahahaha! Omg I am rolling over here! Not sure which is my fav, maybe the Easter comes once a year, good stuff man!

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haha! thank you sir enginewitty! yes sir, they are all crazy funny and thanks for the resteem!

Gotta spread the smile around man, most welcome.

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Haha some outrageous ones in this Lord Janton! You Texans are funny folks sometimes!

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howdy sir nickyhavey! Do you guys ever see funny church signs in England or are they too proper over there? lol. Did you have some time off for Christmas and the same for New Years?

Haha, we don't have anything as outrageous as those signs in our churches, far too traditional I think but then, I don't go to church or hang out there to notice signs. Think they take a step back and say "if you want to come in, come in".

I do have time off, not back until Tuesday and was off on Christmas Eve. Love it!

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howdy again sir nickyhavey! oh I was thinking that it was the end of your job there. But that's not until April or something right? so you just cruise along stashing the money away until then so you'll have funds for your earth-shattering, life-changing trip to Australia where you'll meet the girl of your dreams!

At the moment, looks to be end of February but hope they will keep me on for another 5 weeks and that will keep it nicely in tune with the trip then!

Check out Lord Janton with the set up of a trip of the lifetime! If that ever happens with meeting the girl, you will be the first to hear about it haha

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Hey sir nickyhavey...that would also be the most popular posts on steemit as we'd all be following the developing relationship if you posted about it! I think that would be incredible. Ok, lets hope for 5 more weeks after Febuary so you can have tons of money to finance the trip, I'm sure your new fiance will appreciate you being able to buy her dinner! lol.

Haha no I won't make the trending pages on the bid bot infested posts that make it there. Organically voted content doesn't make it on that page haha!

Keeping my fingers crossed they let me stay on for a few extra weeks so I can treat that special lady to a bottle of water as that's all she will be getting. Not because I am a hopeless romantic but because that may be all I can afford!

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howdy again sir nickyhavey! I agree, the bid bots rule the trending page. disgusting. A bottle of water! lol.. no problem, you're going to meet someone with alot of money!

Hi, @janton!

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Howdy there steem-plus! thank you for the upvote and for helping so many of us and the fine platform.

Ha!

what the?? the worlds shortest comment! I suppose ya'll are too perfect to have messed up church signs down there right? Or do you even have churches down there? lol!

You're right! Our churches signs are not like that..... See? I wrote more here so stop complaining!!! 😂

ha! well don't strain your fingers with all that typing blacklux, I'd feel really guilty. But hey I'm not complaining, I've been on my best behavior today. At least you confirmed that you have churches down there, that's at least one positive thing about that place.

and you were thinking I was posessed by the steemit devil! ahahah

haha! I don't know about the devil part but maybe a little possessed by steemit. me too!

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  ·  last year (edited)

Bravo, @janton, congratulations posting an article outside of your comfort zone. For what it’s worth, I think you nailed it!

Great idea, great execution. Thanks for choosing Steemit to show off these signs, I enjoyed this post.

Certainly a lot of them are intended typos, I love the creativity. In my opinion, whatever it takes to get’em talking is worth it.

However... How many frikkin churches is there?! My goodness gracious. Southern states, up into Tennessee, goes by “Bible Belt” but I’ve been there many times! I’ve been through Texas several times, too, but dang! The amount of churches in your neighborhood, I don’t think Bible Belt is sufficient. “Bible Noose” is more like it. 😉

Great article, sir! Happy Saturday. Did you do this one on that new computer?

I think the last one is my favorite. Only thing missing “neighbor murder prevention.”

haha! howdy sir dandays! wow I'm feeling quite honored today by hearing from both you and puravida! I must have finally hit the Big Leagues! lol. Actually though, this post isn't out of my comfort zone, I've done tons of these comedy ones, it's just been a few months. when I first started I had no special knowledge or skills, (still don't) had nothing interesting to say, very boring life lived, etc so I just did comedy.

The only problem was of course, that I'm not funny and have no skills in that area(unlike some people) so I just found funny things that other people already did. wait till I do some more redneck repairs and "redneck signs" posts! lol. But none of it is my humor so I can't take much, if any, credit.

Isn't is amazing that there is a church on every corner in towns of the South! I had a guy from the mountains of Georgia comment to me last night that he knows churches like I described in the redneck joke! lol. He's a true redneck himself but of the gentlemanly variety like myself but unlike me he's a brilliant technology guy. Many rednecks are some of the smartest people around, despite their looks and humorous lifestyle quirks.

This was not completed on my new computer unfortunately, I'm still suffering under the burden of hangups, freezes, stalls and slowness with my ancient machine. Any day now the monster will arrive. 2 TB HDD and other big stats, I don't remember them all but it's impressive. Mrs. J's idea, she got tired of me complainin! lol.
God bless you guys. You have to be close to your moving date right?

Congratulations @janton!
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Howdy today arcange and thank you for letting me know about this mention, have a great weekend!

Youch!!

HAHA...always love the old church signs! LOL

Howdy sir simms50! lol. yes they always make me laugh, thank you sir!

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Howdy there annephilbrick! I'm glad you liked the signs, I think they're so darn funny. lol.

LOL These are hilarious! You can bet I'll be paying more attention to signage lol

haha! Thank you tamaralovelace! Surely they wouldn't have signs like that in Florida though!

Are you kidding? They probably invented them lol

haha! maybe so, I ddn't want to insult your state, some people would get highly offended!

lol I am not easily offended and oftentimes poke more fun at my own state than others do. If the shoe fits, you know?? LOL

I agree tamaralovelace, I love your attitude and wish more people were like that!

OMG, that is funny, we are cracking up.

St. Paul's United Church of Cannibalism?

haha! that's a good one sir hhayweaver, if I'd thought of that I'd put it in there!

😂😂👍🏻nice ones

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howdy there vincy! I'm glad you enjoyed those, thanks so much for reading and commenting!