We’re All Just Socializing on the Toilet

I know you’re on the toilet right now reading this.

And you know that I’m on the toilet, at some point in time in your past, writing this right here.

Photo by Michal Jarmoluck

If, by some strange stroke of bad luck, I caught you at a moment you’re not in the toilet, then it’s only because you wanted to browse Steemit, but just for a little bit, in between your longer toilet perusals.

Most of your good reading, commenting, and writing takes place in the moments between evacuating your bowels and bladder.

Let’s be honest with each other. I was blessed, by whatever higher power you choose to think I’m talking about right now, with the ability to take care of most of my bathroom needs while standing. (I have it on good authority that women, while still concerned about this disadvantage, are largely more interested in bringing attention to other issues of disadvantageousness to women, such as the lack of women’s hockey options, the lack of representation in NASCAR drivers, and infibulation¹).

Photo by Capri23Auto
Only Photo Available Under Search for “Racecar Female.” Point Proven.

But we all know that unless you are a complete boor, one hand must be firmly agrasp the relevant appendage in order to avoid a Situation (TM - Orange Guy from Jersey Shore show).

Which is one less hand for typing the very very important things you have to say on Friendster, Lycos, and Steemit.

Which means that sometimes, or maybe even a lot of times, you’ll choose to smush your backside onto the toilet seat just to ensure that extra hand for internet efficiency.

Thus, you are definitely reading this on the toilet.

Throughout human history, mankind has experienced innumerable paradigm shifts in the prevalent culture, in order to allow for the development of further socialization between and amongst species.

All of this has its root in the underlying human psychological drive to community and togetherness.

Man, as the saying goes, is a social animal.

Or, as the very first chapter, of the very first book of the Abrahamic religion’s canonical scripture provides, “It is not good for Man to be alone.”

Photo by OpenClipart-Vectors
“Seriously? I was created to keep creepy stare guy company. Ugghhhhhh...”

Notice that there is no exception to this concept. It is not timebound in any way.

The concept is universal to mankind in all places and at all time.

Including during pees and poos.

Thus, modernity has brought us to a strange in human evolution where privacy is equally prized and waived all at the same time.

We want our solitude during our most vulnerable moments.

But we also want to check our upvotes during poopies.

Photo by AzizAMeelaS You Might Think this is Joke, but Remember that we couldn’t use the version of this art we wanted to, because the well-known poopie symbol is “a thing,” and is heavily trademarked and copyrighted.

Modernity is an exquisite wonderment upon which we all stand teetering atop its apex, grasping higher towards achievements of which our minds can only at present dream.

And all of it happens while enthroned over the toilet water.

What a time to be alive.

Footnotes

1. (Seriousness dialed up): As “jokey haha” as the rest of this is, the reference to infibulation is not a joke whatsoever. Men—and even some women— frequently throw around this idea that “these days” women are basically equal throughout most of the world, and the major harms caused to women merely because they are women are well-known and quickly disappearing. If only ensuring that women and men both had the same opportunities in collegiate athletics were the major problem remaining, then there would be little cause for concern.

Unfortunately, that’s not even close to the case.

I’m not one for soap-boxes (and usually avoid them because they are often just flying at my head when my Aunt thinks I’ve kept her from the internet too long), so please don’t think I’m asking for any money or plaudits here.

I just figured, since I referenced the concept somewhat flippantly, it’s also probably the right thing to do to at least guide those unaware of the horrific practice of infibulation to information about it and how it’s still a major issue. Hopefully, at the very least, it will put it on their radar. And, maybe, if you have even just a dollar (fiat or otherwise) that maybe you would have used to get a few upvotes or buy some crypto, and instead put it towards groups that work to educate people and encourage the cessation of infibulation and other practices that are needlessly harmful and injurious to women simply because they’re women, then that would be a very wonderful outcome from my otherwise asinine blog.

Ps. I didn’t link to any specific charitable organizations that do this important work because I didn’t have enough time to go through the various groups’ Form 990s or similar documentation confirming their legitimacy. I hope and trust you can find one that you feel, after doing your due diligence, is deserving of your dollar or whatever amount you can spare to help!