the other sells homemade nunchucks, brass knuckles, throwing stars, little bombs and pretty much anything else we're not supposed to have.

Your neighborhood sounds so safe, I hope this part isn't fiction.

I think we've all had a Jared in our lives. I don't stay in touch with mine anymore - she can't be trusted in the presence of anything that can be pawned. But she's definitely familiar with cocaine, and she might even know how to stitch up a football. If your Jared ever gets a divorce then maybe they should meet.