Trump To Change Citizenship Test - And We Have Some Of The New Questions!

William Southold | Opinion Columnist |The Southold Report
“Speaking fiction to power one story at a time.”
Veritas Per Ficta!

The Trump administration is planning to update the Citizenship test that all people applying for U. S. citizenship must pass. A new version is slated to debut before the end of President Trump’s first term, officials said Friday.

"With the executive branch able to control the test, and with Trump making it clear that he wants to dramatically change the nation’s immigration policies and laws, how the White House approaches new questions or the test’s format could become an object of scrutiny" the Washington Post reported.

USCIS acting director Ken Cuccinelli, an immigration hard-liner and former Virginia attorney general whom Trump appointed last month said the administration is aware that people have voiced concerns about the test alteration, but he assured our reporter that any changes would be “benign.” He said that people have become “paranoid that this is used for ulterior purposes,” but he “doesn’t know what all the fuss is about”.

“For instance,” he said, “a question about the United Nations is preposterous because it has absolutely nothing to do with United States of America,” and having such a question in there is “just not right.”

“Who gives a flying rat’s ass that the U.N. is located in the United States,” he added. “We are just going to make sure the new test reflects American principles that are uniquely part of what it means to be a proud American citizen.”

Luckily our White House reporter was able to acquire a few questions that may have been drafted by President Trump himself. She told me the reason she thinks this is she was given a crumple piece of paper with the questions on it that had “directly come from the waste baskets of the master bedroom of the Executive Residence".

Even though the third question contains information one would assume the president may not have on hand, once flattened out the paper contained the following questions, clearly written in broad magic marker akin to what the president often uses to sign the various proclamations he proudly shows off for the cameras.

Here they are:

How many man hours does it take to make a good Manchester & Stuart Hughes designer suit, and how much would it set you back?

How much would you charge to mow a lawn, I mean, let’s get real about this.

Realizing that almost all gated communities have security cameras -
Todas las comunidades cerradas!
have you ever snuck into a gated community?

Central News Service, proudly bringing you the fakest news anywhere, featuring our very own Pulitzer Prize winning Fake Newsman, William Southold

(CNS Disclaimer: Mr. Southold has in no way won the Pulitzer Prize.)

(Images taken from Esquire, PRI, and 120rf.com)