A Monday Morning Rant - My F*CK YOU To Mainstream Society!
NOTE: This post contains profanity and adult themes. Readers should be at least 18 years of age.
Hi there!
Maybe some of you out there can identify with this.
I am a 41-year old male, and I have absolutely NO desire to be in a relationship, get married, or have kids.
I don't want a house with two cats in the yard and a fucking white picket fence.
I don't even want to own my own home. I want to rent.
I am constantly having to listen to my father's bullshit about how renting is a waste and all I'm doing is "paying my landlord's mortgage" and I have "nothing to show for my rent money" BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH! Guess what dad? I know all about it and I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!
I'm sick and tired of hearing all of his stupid sermons about how important it is to save my money. Why? So I can end up like him and have a lot of money but be 73-years old, sick, and fucking MISERABLE? What good is all that money then? Can you enjoy it? Can you take it with you when you die? NO FUCKING WAY! But I'll make sure that I "save for that rainy day" dad, because as you've said a million times, "A fool and his money are soon parted." Yeah, maybe I'm a fool, but at least I'm having a GREAT FUCKING TIME while I'm young enough to enjoy it!
Let's talk about renting a little...
If something in my apartment breaks, I call the landlord. When he starts up with "call the plumber" or "do this and that" or "just take care of it and I'll deduct it from your rent," I immediately stop him and say "It's not my problem. You're the landlord, and I'm the tenant. If you want your fucking rent next month you'll fix it right away," and then I HANG THE FUCK UP! The whole point of renting is because I don't want the responsibility of owning a home, so why should I do the landlord's job for him?
Let's talk about dating and marriage...
I'm not married. Don't want to be now and probably never will. Why? Because I see that more than half of my friends are divorced, and the other half wish they were and they are all banging other people on the side. Because I see that after almost 46 years of marriage, my own parents can't even stand each other! I'm 100% convinced that most men get married and have kids just because that's what society tells them they should do. Well FUCK THAT!
I'm sick and tired of people assuming I'm homosexual because I'm 41 and don't have a girlfriend. When I want to get laid, I go to a bar and find a one night stand, or even easier (and sometimes cheaper), CALL AN ESCORT (a female one)!
I'm sick and tired of people looking at me funny when I say that I don't want kids because I want to keep my freedom and besides that I fucking HATE kids! Don't get me wrong. I don't hate all kids. Only the ones that are within 50 feet of me! After seeing how stressed out and miserable most parents are all the time I think I'll pass on having kids. Not to mention that the little bastards are EXPENSIVE, and they seem to be able to screw up any plans you make to have a good time. Basically, if you have kids, you can expect not to have any fun or time to yourself for the next 18-20 years.
Well, that just isn't for me folks...
Oh boo-hoo, I guess I'll never get to have the "wonderful and beautiful" experience of having children.
BIG FUCKING DEAL!
Basically, I'm FREE to do WHATEVER I want, WHENEVER I want, with WHOEVER I want and I don't have to answer to or explain myself to ANYBODY! I don't have to beg a significant other to let me go to a card game or a strip joint even though that particular night happens to be our "movie night." Gee, let me think... Do I want to go out and get piss drunk and look at titties, or do I want to snuggle with my wrinkled up girlfriend and watch The Princess Diaries for the twelfth fucking time? Wow, as if that's a real choice...
Maybe someday when I'm old and my balls are all wrinkled up I'll want a female companion to help me wipe my ass and give me an occasional rub & tug. Maybe I'll find some rich old lady to marry. Better yet, maybe I'll just hire a nurse. But until that time, IF that time ever comes, all I want is for fucking people to LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!
Hey everybody, just because I live alone and have a 3-bedroom condo does not give you the right to ASSUME I WANT A FUCKING ROOMMATE, so STOP asking me if your unemployed, lazy-ass friend or family member can stay with me "for a day or two" until they "get on their feet." Trust me, your loser friend isn't going to "get on their feet" in a couple of days. Basically what you're asking is if your lowlife buddy can stay at my place for free for the next 6 months! FUCK NO!
Just because I don't have any pets does not mean that I'm available to watch your fleabags every time you go on vacation. Did you ever stop and think that I don't have any pets because I DON'T WANT ANY? I don't feel like cleaning up mounds of animal hair every day, and having my furniture, rugs, and other possessions torn up and pissed and shit on. I certainly don't feel like picking up steaming piles of shit with a plastic bag over my hand, either!
If I ever feel the need to play with animals, I'll go to an animal shelter and volunteer a few hours of my time. So stop being a CHEAP PRICK and put your animals in a shelter or pay someone else to watch them when you go away!
Just because I work from home and have my own business does not mean that I am free and available to give people fucking rides all over the fucking place because "I'm home so that means I'm not doing anything."
Oh, and because I don't go to work and run the 9-5 rat race every day doesn't mean I'm LAZY or UNSKILLED. It means I am intelligent enough to know that busting my ass 10 hours a day to help someone else achieve their dream is just plain STUPID!
Just because I own a nice digital camera does not mean that I want to be your personal videographer for FREE and "tape" your kid's stupid fucking plays or recitals, or "tape" your half-dead 98-year old mother using her last breath to blow out her fucking candles!
Just because I drive a pickup truck doesn't mean I want to help everybody I know move! Rent a fucking U-Haul you CHEAP BASTARD!
Here's something I absolutely HATE! Don't come to my place without telling me AT LEAST A WEEK IN ADVANCE! Don't just show up and knock on my door because IT WON'T GET ANSWERED.
Don't pretend to be my friend and text me or call me only when YOU NEED A FUCKING FAVOR! It's funny how a friendship that starts out going fishing once or twice a month suddenly turns into me taking you to work and picking you up 5 DAYS A WEEK. Then if that isn't enough, you want to borrow money for lunch, too. FUCK OFF!
Don't invite me out to a bar or restaurant and then show up with your UGLY wife and your wife's even UGLIER friend and let me pay the bill "because I'm single so I must have money," then expect ME to thank YOU because I'm single and you were trying to hook me up with your UGLY wife's UGLY friend! FUCK OFF!
Oh, and because I don't go out and max up my credit cards and go into debt every holiday season buying people expensive gifts just to try and look like someone I'm not does NOT mean I'm CHEAP or BROKE. It means that I remember what the REAL MEANING of the holidays are and I celebrate those instead of giving all my money to the retail industry.
Whooo! I feel MUCH better now! It was good to get that off my chest.
Well, that's about all that comes to mind at the present time. When I think of anything else, I'll be sure to let you all know.
Oh yeah... To mainstream society... FUCK YOU!
Yep, are you my male twin brother? I think so. Some differences, but the jist is the same.
I did get married after all, but he's a huge HUGE exception.
You know I think a lot of people actually feel the way I do. The thing is that many of them feel they have to go along with society because there is a lot of pressure to do so. They see their friends and family "conforming" and so they believe if they don't do the same they will be seen as "weird" or "different." The one thing people fear the most is being different. The few that do go against the grain are considered "freaks," when in fact they are much stronger than everybody else because they had the courage to go their own way.