Nets are also banned. They are tools of oppression and animal slaughter. You are on your last warning now. Any more transgressions, and you are likely going to find yourself in one of our new Government Unacceptable Language Adjustment & Guidance centres (G.U.L.A.G.'s) which will be springing up in every town and city.

We will in our first week of office be publishing acceptable forms of cheering, which will be based on e-prime diversity-inclusive non-semantically packed hegemonic linguistic patterns devised by Professors of Gender Studies at Kingston-Upon-Thames university.