One-liners #2 - stupidity

in funny •  last year

In this series we cover certain topics in comical, controversial and/or (thought) provocative one liners. This time the theme is "stupidity".

Gambling

  • If something means 99.99999% certain dead, you don't do it, but when given the same odds in gambling, people don't seem to mind.
  • A generally accepted definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results", so why are you still buying lottery tickets?

Dating

  • Dating is a very simple concept, but in reality most people are terrible at it.
  • The worst thing you can do on a date is having little to no interaction and yet going to the movies is a relatively popular first date.
  • As a man, walking around with a ridiculous hairstyle makes you look like a fool to men, which simultaneously makes you more attractive to women.

Social media

  • You don't give criminals details of your personal life and yet most people are leaving it in a public and conveniently accessible place for everyone to see.
  • People complain that Twitter only gives you 140 characters, but let's be honest, for most people Twitter offers 140 characters too many.

Plastic surgery

  • Getting a face-lift doesn't make you look better, it makes you look like someone who had a face-lift.
  • Instead of working on self-worth a lot of women get a boob job, which costs a lot of money, results in serious health risks and will likely result in even lower self-worth.

Traffic

  • If you want to see a visual representation of stupidity, type in "women drivers" on your favorite video site.
  • Traffic in China and India (that's all you have to say).

Politics

  • Voting has never changed anything for as long as you live, but this time things are different, right?
  • Instead of crying when Hillary lost, you should be crying when any other president in history won.
  • Voting on a political candidate is like voting on the color of the dildo, you're getting screwed either way.

Health

  • Alcohol makes you feel good for a couple of hours, but makes you feel so much worse after, but luckily there's more alcohol to cure that!
  • If someone would offer you a product to shorten your life significantly for a few thousand Dollars, nobody would buy that, yet millions of people buy cigarettes like there's no tomorrow.

If you have any topic suggestions, leave them in the comment section and your suggestions might end up in any of the upcoming editions.

Previous editions:

  1. World problems

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Yeah, and people still kiss even if according to the world health statistics, 95% of world population is supposedly infected with mononucleasis (Epstein-Barr virus) - the other name for this disease is kissing disease or Pfeiffer disease.

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Wow, 95%? Well you forgot to mention the percentage of immune people ;)

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I like the way my body deals and metabolizes the alchool. It's a caloric, energy bomb at first, later feels like poison, I love it once in a while