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6 years ago in #friendships by malloryblythe (55)
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Thanks for sharing your story. I was happy to read you found your place once you hit college. Sometimes our lives get so busy that we grow away from our friends. Our Jobs / children ( if we have them ) can take up the majority of our time as adults. The free time we do have sometimes we just want to relax with no distractions. I wish you the best with all your relationships.
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A cool story with some interesting reflections. I've moved about a lot over the years, and ended up meeting heaps of people as a result. But as I've got older I've realised that I don't really need that many friends, and I'd rather put the effort into keeping the ones that I really care about and the ones I'm sure care about me.
I like your policy of honesty. Sometimes there's a moment where you're completely honest with a person in a way that you haven't been before and they surprise you with a revelation. I love those moments. They are exhilarating - it feels as if some wall between you has been broken down and anything could happen as you're both standing there in the rubble. It sure does seem that the friend you mention in the last section probably won't get back in touch, and that's really sad, but maybe there's someone else that you can focus on instead. Narrowing your circle can be a good thing if the remaining friends are the good ones.
I love those honest moments too. When you get to clear the air and finally express the things that have been bugging you. As much as that conversation with my friend hurt, it had been weighing on me. I had thought of letting her know via text for some time but it felt like it wasn’t the best medium to have such a serious conversation. There are a few more of those conversations coming up.
I prefer to keep a very tight circle of friends, easier that way and less complicated. Through circumstances I’ve learned to apply the expect the worse from people ethos and that way they can only go up from there in my estimation. I get ridiculed for hat by some but for me it’s ok because I use it as a defence-mechanism.
Your last paragraph of this post is so true and to be honest I think I’d struggle to find 15! I like it that way.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for reading!
Oh man, I could never apply the “expect the worst” philosophy. I imagine it would get very lonely feeling like you couldn’t rely on anyone. I’m a very sensitive emotive person and I depend on having a lot of social support. I suppose the key is to accept that everyone has bad moments in which they do regrettable things, so you should expect that people are going to be imperfect, no matter how saintly they may seem. I just would hope that the ones I’ve kept close will be self aware and empathetic enough that some of that can be bridged. And I try to do the same in return.
Not only it's good to lose some friends, but it is also a healthy habit which can save you the trouble of dealing with unrealiable friends.
I really enjoyed reading your post. I lost a lot of people throughout the years for various reasons. Some of them were really close to me and I had this unrealistic expectation that they would feel the same about me. It was very painful to see that we weren't on the same page but I moved on. I didn't regret any of the things I had done for them. They played their role in my life at a certain moment and that was it; lesson learnt.
To some I offered three more chances just like you, while to others who were more dear to me I told them bluntly how I felt. Most of them assumed that my sudden confession/complain was a mood or that had something to do with my illness (which they never bother to ask or learn more about it). I told myself it was their loss, not mine.
Nowadays I have only a few close friends that I can rely on anytime for anything.
It's better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone, as they say. The three strikes and you're out rule is a good way to handle it I think, or at least to put that person on probation.
A lot of that faux-friendliness is just guilt at the end of the day, for not making the effort or not caring enough anymore. Emotionally its easier to just string people along and pretend we're all so busy, but everyone's lives would be easier in the end if we were honest about such things.
I enjoyed this a lot, which surprised me because I don't usually go in for these kinds of posts - your writing style is very engaging!
Or even worse: the feeling of being alone in a crowd of people. That exact feeling was my main issue with living in New York.
I am honored to have lured you into reading something that is a little bit out of the ordinary for you, then! (I don't write that many posts like this, to be fair.) Thank you for the kind words!
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better to have a few close friends than hundreds of plastic ones.
I really love your writing style!
Thank you!
I can totally relate to this, except for the birthday part. Birthdays were never my thing lol
The only one birthday I can remember is my 23rd birthday when I spent the night reading the news with two of my friends in their place (I didn't even tell them it was my birthday) And the reason I remember it is because that day, what was happening in Egypt was declared as a revolution that was named after my birthday.
Also, I wouldn't call it a good thing to lose a friend, I think it's rather a necessary evil. We don't want to let go of them, but we need to when some certain conditions happen, and those conditions aren't a good thing to see happening.