The Reasoning Behind My Quest To Alienate Myself From Everything

For the past few years I have been trying really hard to alienate people. I lesser part, modern society. In 2010 I had few thousand friends through social media and hundreds more in the real world through an organisation I was running. It was then when I realized that, much like capital, PR is nothing more but a snowball effect. Once you round up a few people the rest plays out by itself. You can then brag "how you made it" and how others can too if you only follow those steps...yada yada yada..insert your own survivorship bias narrative here. This became even clearer when I lived in the bush with aboriginal people.

Without realizing it, one ends up with other people creating stories for you, sometimes sounding awesome, some times awful. Point is, nothing is real. The idea of you just circles people's minds much like a dream that has an expiration time. I see that today as well. Some people become famous and try to forget about the sum of biases that allowed them to believe in their own awesomeness. I guess this is how most people can go on and play the same pretentious game. The social game after all is all about deception. Those who lie the most and to the most people get to have the most friends. If one chooses to be honest and detailed to each and every friends then they won't be popular. This is why famous people and politicians or group leaders never do that and rather try to be neutral and overgeneralize. This is how you lose yourself.

In these people defense I guess, there is nothing really more out there. If you are not comfortable with being by yourself for extended periods of time then socialization becomes as central and important as much as food. And I am not talking about not going out of your room and living online. If you are lurking in chat rooms and social media 24/7and don't meet people in real life, you are still socializing the same, heck, even more. The only difference is the ease upon which you can change masks.

I started going off the grid in 2012. First it was one month. then it became 3. I would log in sporadically to check my mail or write a post like this one. At the same time I was ignoring people, getting in fights with them and in general letting them know that I am not interested in pursing my contact with them. The more I practiced my human-fasting diet the more addictive it became.

Most people think I don't like people for leading such life but my feelings are nothing like that. I am rather disinterested in human affairs as much as I am disinterested in playing with legos. The more I engage with petty occupations the more frustrated and disinterested I get. Have you tried playing chess with a pigeon? You might try to reason or see things differently but you will get angry at one point. The pigeon will just knock pieces off randomly and shit all over the board. The social game is the same and you just have to play the same levels again and again until you gain a ridiculous amount of points that will make as much sense as the random digits you used to see at the arcade games once you mastered them. You will get bored (if you ever make it there) even if you had to put with pigeons shitting all over the board.

Most people though won't make it. They will try to impress the small circle they have either by buying shoes, cars or watches so that they can raise their status. The allegory of the top is kept from those that have their heads too far up their own asses, selling bullshit about success, money, fame. Trust me, none of it matters if you can't lead a life by yourself for extended periods of time.

If you tried it and you long for the internet connection, the coffee with a friend, that quick chat with the guys and some social media game, then your life is still defined by others, not yourself. You will seek those things that numb your true identity. You will seek for the masks, the social comfort the social numbness. People know you through those masks, not the reality when you are all by yourself facing inwards your own bullshit. Most people will never lead such life and if they do they will be labeled as crazies. After all, society is structured in a way that everyone reassures everyone else. Masks are the status quo.

So this is my reasoning for rather distancing myself. I got disinterested. I am more interested in how to restore old houses all by myself. How to build things I have never done. Have knowledge flow through trial and error with nature my only opponent and partner. It's fun...and once I return back to society, I can't wait to go back once more. Nothing really changes after all. It is still the same bullshit recycled over and over again.