It's a Struggle To Be On A Team With Your Friends

 Credit: Nicholas McMillan

“Boys are stupid,” a few girls will say nearly every single practice. Yeah, you have a point, but it’s not just the boys. Not in this context.

This has never been more apparent to me than with the Bhangra team. I loved them so, so much at the end of my first semester sophomore year (and my third semester on the team), and I still do, don’t get me wrong, but wow, sometimes I just need a break.

I come for the dance now. Because the people? As I get older and more jaded, I realize just how hard it must be to be captain.

We’re a family, and we love each other on the team, but that comes at a cost, because that means the captains are not respected, their attempts to get serious and lay down the law with the rest of the team go unnoticed, and their efforts go unthanked. But it shouldn’t be that way — and honestly, I don’t think it’s exclusively due to the fact that we’re all friends.

One of my friends on that team has been dancing her whole life. For her, it matters so much to her and she cares so much; other people don’t understand that, and yes, different things matter to different people. They may not care about dance the same way she does, they may not feel the music the way she does, they may not enter that zone and get lost in it the way she does, but they can respect her passion and skill. And they should. Who cares if they don’t know what it’s like? They should respect the fact that this is something that matters so, so much to some of their closest friends, and remember this is something they voluntarily signed up for on their own accord. If they could all see how upset she is, if they could see how it kills her passion because of their lack of passion — I wish they knew.

A leader might be seen as a dick or a bitch because he/she just cares so much about the task at hand. And that might not be the common perception if everyone cared a little more, or took the time to understand that passion.

Everyone has an opinion, and everyone feels the need to voice it — loudly. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate communication and feedback, but if you want something, do something about it. If you want change, then go about it. Don’t just complain as if it’s your right. No, you do NOT have a right if you made zero effort to help, zero effort to lead, zero effort to take initiative.

Keep in mind the work that goes behind every meeting, every practice, every event, and don’t just think about yourself. Respect your leaders because they are doing EVERYTHING they can to support you and make everyone else great. If they’re your friends, respect them even more. You should know exactly what they’re going through and understand the frustration and stress behind the work balance.

Everything is absolutely a two-way street. You join the team? Then put the work into it. It’s not a halfway thing. Do NOT think that you are exempt from this. With some, it is more obvious than with others. But never forget that we are all equally guilty of temptation to flake, temptation to complain; it’s easy to shit on other people who are ... not you. But do not forget about yourself.

I will admit — i’m guilty of disrespect, slacking off, flaking, being a general shit. But I know what I’m doing, and I will always apologize. I know what it’s like to be in that position, and to be able to recognize that struggle is important if you want to keep your friends. They’re going to get fed up with you. And they will put you in your place. If they don’t, someone else further down the line, who is much more powerful and much less sympathetic, will certainly do it. So shut up, and learn how to listen now.