#FreewriteMadness Update: Sophie's Story Arc is Breaking My Heart

In this post, I'm continuing to flesh out Sophie's story arc. Reflecting on her experiences – the bullying, the casual cattiness, the constant worry about what her peers might think of her – has given me a few not-so-pleasant flashbacks to my own teen and pre-teen years. However, I'm planning to end her story on a positive note, so at least there's that.

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I can't focus on my homework right now. I mean, how could I, after today? I have a load of awful Maths work to do, and I want to get it out of the way right now, so I don't have to worry about it for the rest of the weekend. But I can't figure out any of it. My head is seriously all over the place anyway ... ever since I saw that awful story on Snapchat, I haven't felt okay.

It was a video of me sitting on my own during lunch yesterday, trying to just do my homework and look busy, as always. And captions. Horrible captions...

She's such a loser.

Guess who's sitting on her own again today? 😂

I guess that's what you get for betraying the people who were meant to be your friends.

Then a screenshot of my last message to Jessie, where I told her what a bitch she was.

Sitting here now, staring blankly at my Maths homework, I feel as though I'm going to throw up again, just remembering it all. I want to cry. I pound my fists into my eyes, determined to hold back the tears. I'm not going to do it, not even in private. I don't want to give Yvonne and Jessie the satisfaction of even thinking they've gotten to me. I remember the advice on that anti-bullying pamphlet, and it almost makes me want to laugh: Just ignore it. Don't let it get to you.

Well, I'm trying not to let it get to me, but that's pretty fucking hard right now.

Okay. I need to go out. I need to get some fresh air or something.

I go out of my room and shout out, 'Daaad?'

'Yeeees?' he calls back.

I make my way downstairs, into the living room where he and Luke are sitting, watching some kind of boring match. 'Can I go to the shop, Dad? I want to get some crisps or popcorn or something ... just, you know, something to have after dinner, or whatever.'

Luke's eyes light up. 'Ooh! Can I have a Magnum?' he asks Dad, all eager.

'No, you can't,' Dad tells him at once. 'Magnums are a weekend treat only. You know that, Luke!'

'Aaw, but Daaaad...'

'Well, it is Friday,' I point out, winking at Luke, 'and school is over for the weekend. It's basically the weekend already. So, like, why not?'

Dad tries to glare at me, but it isn't long before he's started smiling. He loves Fridays too – I know he does – so he can't really stay in a bad mood right now. 'You're too smart for me, Soph,' he chuckles, then shakes his head. 'Oh, alright then. Get your brother a Magnum.'

Luke cheers and starts jumping up and down on the spot, punching his arms into the air. 'Magnum! Magnum! Magnum!'

'Calm down there, Lukey,' Dad laughs. He reaches into his pocket for his wallet, and starts counting out some coins for me. 'Alright ... here is ... €5.70. Should that be enough, Soph?'

'Yeah. Thanks Dad,' I say with a grin, as I take the money. 'Would you like anything?'

'Hmm. Maybe one of those Fry's chocolate bars I like?'

'The green one or the blue?'

'Blue. Thanks.'

'Great.'

I grab my jacket and scarf – and a plastic bag for the sweets too – then head out. I like going on little walks like this sometimes, when I can't really think straight. It's, like, so cold right now, but I don't mind that too much. 'The air is nice and bracing', as Dad would say. He's always coming up with weird ways to describe stuff. One thing I love about this time of year is kicking my way through the piles of leaves and watching them scatter all over the place. It's fun! I'll miss them once they've all been swept away.

In the shop, I pick up a Magnum for Luke and a blue Fry's bar for Dad ... it takes me a minute to decide what to get for myself though. Eventually, I'm like, I'll get a bag of cola bottles! I love cola bottles: love the way they fizz and pop on my tongue and I often have to squeeze my eyes shut while I'm eating them because they're so sour.

I'm coming out of the shop – about to cross the road – when I see them. Oh crap. Stephanie, Jessie and Yvonne are walking down the street, right towards me. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God ... it's okay. I'll duck back into the shop, maybe they haven't seen me yet. But what if they come into the shop? I'm seriously freaking out right now.

I start walking back in, but it's too late.

'Hey, Sluttie!' Yvonne calls out. I hear the others snickering at this.

Oh my God. I'm totally frozen right now. What do I do?

Okay. I know: I'll pretend I haven't seen or heard them. It's a totally shit idea, maybe, but it could help me to get away from them. I quickly start walking away from the shop. There's a little alleyway near it – a shortcut back to the main road – that might help me get out of here faster.

'Sluttie!' Yvonne shouts, more insistently. 'Are you deaf or something?!'

I hear them running. Oh crap. Right. I immediately change my mind about the alleyway. Being trapped in there with them would be the worst thing ever, clearly. I'm already in the fucking alleyway, though. I turn around, to see if I have time to run down the main footpath instead, where I would at least by seen by people passing by. That way, Yvonne and Stephanie and Jessie can't really do a whole lot to me.

But it's too late. They're already standing there. And I feel sick to my stomach.

'Hey, Sluttie,' Yvonne says again. She's beaming at me all innocent like, while the others are on either side of her, smirking. 'Don't you know it's rude to ignore people when they're talking to you?'

'Whatever,' I snap.

I start walking away from them, but Stephanie quickly darts up to me. 'What's in the bag?' she demands, then grabs it and peers inside. 'Wow. A Magnum, a chocolate bar, and cola bottles?'

'What, you're going to eat all of that yourself?' Yvonne yells out, then guffaws. 'So you're going to get fat and ugly, as well as being a fucking loser?'

'She's already ugly,' Jessie says with a sneer.

'Well, I think it's great you've decided to get super fat, Sluttie,' Stephanie adds. 'Just great. What a fab new look for you!'

'They're not all for me. I got stuff for my dad and brother too,' I protest. Oh God, why do I even feel like I have to justify it? I shouldn't have said anything.

'Oh sure,' Jessie snorts. 'Like you're not going to totally pig out.'

I see Yvonne holding her phone up to my bag, showing what's in it, then moving it up to me and sweeping her fingers across the phone: zooming in on my face, probably. Fuck. She's recording a video, isn't she? There'll probably be another Snapchat story up soon, all about how I'm fat or greedy or some shit like that.

'Whatever. I'm going home,' I mutter, and try to dodge past them. Yvonne quickly stops recording her video and blocks my path, though: her arm stretches out so that she's leaning against the wall to my left, while her feet are over at the other wall. She's taking up nearly all of the space in the alleyway – I can't possibly get past her. And Jessie and Stephanie are right behind me. Oh my God ... this is horrible. Why did I have to turn into this alleyway? I should have known this was literally the worst place I could possibly have gone into. Stupid, stupid, stupid...

'Hey, slow down, Sluttie,' Yvonne says, her voice all fake-concerned. 'Why don't you want to stop and chat to us for a while?'

I feel like there's a huge lump in my throat – I can barely get the words out – but I do manage to answer her, eventually. 'You know why, Yvonne.'

'Oh, do I?' Yvonne screeches, her face a picture of amazement. 'Get this, girls: Sluttie thinks I can read her mind, all of a sudden!'

The others laugh, pushing in closer to me.

'We're just having a friendly chat with an old friend,' Yvonne goes, smiling at the others. 'Isn't that right, girls?'

'Leave me the fuck alone,' I finally scream, then lunge forward. I'm desperate to get past them at any cost by now, even if it does mean having to leave behind the stuff I bought: I don't know how I'll explain it to Dad and Luke, but I can worry about that later. I ram my way past Yvonne, managing to knock her arm aside, then start running down the alleyway. If I can just make it to the very end without them catching up with me – if I can just get to the main road where cars and people will be passing by – they can't do anything to me. Surely they wouldn't try to do anything when there are people around...

'Ow! My fucking arm! Fuck you, Sluttie!' Yvonne yells, then immediately begins to chase me. She gets my left arm. Stephanie is there to back her up straightway, seizing me by my shoulders and pinning me against the wall. Jessie joins them a second later, holding my right arm in place so I can't move. I'm wriggling and screaming at the top of my voice by now, trying to get free of them, but they have me totally stuck. I don't think I've ever felt so scared in my whole life.

Yvonne laughs when she sees how terrified I am, then puts her face right up next to mine. 'Don't you dare mess with me, Sluttie. Who the fuck do you think you are? You want to twist my arm? Fine then. I'll twist yours.' She pushes my arm back as far as it'll go, until I'm howling in pain, then slaps me across the face. 'Let that be a lesson for you.'

My earlier hopes of never, ever crying in front of them – never letting them know just how badly they've affected me – have totally turned to shit right now. I'm bawling my eyes out, while Stephanie and Jessie are in stitches laughing at me. Yvonne isn't laughing, though. She looks angry as fuck.

'You know what, Sluttie?' she snaps. 'I really tried to help you, at first. I tried to make you cooler. I was willing to get guys to meet you. And what did I get for all that? I shouldn't have even bothered to help you.' She spits in my face. 'Come on, girls. She's a fucking waste of space.'

She turns to go – Jessie and Stephanie begin to loosen their hold on my arms – and for just a second, I think, oh, thank fuck, it's finally over. But then Yvonne whirls around again, her eyes blazing, and kicks me right in the stomach. I end up on my knees, sobbing with the pain of it. I hear Stephanie hurl my bag onto the ground: as in, really slamming it down, so I know that Luke's Magnum and Dad's chocolate bar will probably end up shattered to pieces. I guess I should be grateful she's even giving it back to me, instead of straight up stealing it? I don't know...

I hear them laughing and jeering as they walk away, back in the direction of the shop. I can't even bring myself to stand up for a couple of minutes after they've gone. I'm in way too much pain. I just stay sitting on the ground, crying ... but eventually, I know I have to try. Dad and Luke will be wondering where I am.

Oh, shit: I can feel my phone vibrating in my pocket now. I pull it out – so worried, for a second, that it could be Yvonne or Stephanie or Jessie – but it isn't. It's Dad.

I wipe my eyes. I take a deep breath. I clear my throat.

I need to make my voice sound normal before I talk to him.

I hit answer and put on the happiest voice I can. 'Hey, Dad! What's up?'

'Sophie? Are you alright? You're taking a long time to get home.'

'Oh yeah, sorry. I just ran into someone from school' – well, that isn't a lie – 'and I was chatting to her for a bit. Nearly home now, though!'

'Ah, good, good ... I was getting a little worried, that's all.'

I almost start crying again when he says this, but manage to stop myself. 'I'm fine. Oh, listen, Dad – I, um, I dropped the bag, so I'm afraid your chocolate and Luke's ice cream might be broken. I'm sorry...'

'Ah, don't worry about that,' he says cheerfully. 'So long as it's still edible, that's the main thing! I can put Luke's ice cream into a bowl. He'll still be able to eat it.'

'Great. That's great...'

'Alright Soph, I'll see you in a few minutes.'

'Yep. See you soon!'

I hang up, I take another few deep breaths, then I get to my feet. I just have to keep walking. I have to try and forget about it. I can't let them get to me.

Image Sources
The 'mean girls' – Dayna Martin
The crying girl – YouTube

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Though I'm feeling quite emotional right now – because I can sense Sophie's pain so deeply and I feel awful for her – there is one thing making me very happy indeed. I've gotten myself right back up to the par line! That piece of writing was 2,297 words long.

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