Day 6 of #FreewriteMadness and I'm Still Alive! 😍 Plus: a Sarah/Mark Update

aislingcronin (60)in #freewritemadness • 5 years ago

It may have become pretty obvious to people who've been following my #FreewriteMadness posts so far that I'm really not sticking to a neat chronological order whilst writing the whole Emma/ Derek / Sarah saga. I write whatever chapter I feel inspired to write on any given day. Sticking to a strict chronological order when I might not necessarily be feeling inspired to follow that order doesn't feel natural to me. If I'm going to do this thing – write ≥50,000 words in one month – I absolutely have to follow the muse. Things can't be forced!

I felt the need to state that today because it has occurred to me that this whole story might be coming across as a bit all over the place, since I keep randomly jumping backwards and forwards in time. I do apologise for that!

In this post, I'm continuing from where I left off in another chapter called I Never Asked For Your Opinion. Parts of this story were written before November, so I'm italicising those parts and excluding them from my total word count.

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Pinkseason.hk

When Sarah sees Mark walking down the street towards her, she cannot help but smile, despite her previous low mood. She'll have a nice time with him tonight. She'll forget all about Joanne and the meal and how terrible it was...

'Sarah, hi!'

'Hey.' She gives him a kiss and hugs him tightly. 'It's so good to see you...'

'You saw me just this morning,' he points out, laughing, as he hugs her back.

'I know ... but it's good to see you anyway.'

'It's good to see you too.' He gently kisses her forehead and smiles at her. 'How was your meal?'

‘Um … yeah, the meal was nice.’

Mark frowns a little and Sarah inwardly winces. Her tone was completely off – she knows that. She has never been much good as an actress.

'You sure?' he asks her a little quizzically.

'Yeah, I am.'

The sceptical expression on his face doesn't change. Sarah decides the best thing to do would be to gloss over the whole thing and move on. 'Okay, let's get going,' she says brightly, pulling at his hand and beginning to walk. 'So excited about this movie ... the showing is at seven, right?'

'Yes.'

'So how did the meeting go?' she asks him as they duck and weave through the crowds on O'Connell Street.

'It was good. We got through most of the accounts. A few cheques still need to be sent out – we can do that on Monday – but we're on track, budget wise. It looks like next year's Pride parade will be held on the back streets of the city again – I still don't understand why we were moved off O'Connell Street this year, when the Rally for Life groups were allowed to march down there a few days later. And you can be sure that when the Pope visits, he'll have the red carpet rolled out for him on O'Connell Street too.'

'I can't believe the council did that, to be honest. I know they justified it with all that stuff about traffic restrictions and everything ... but the Rally For Life happening on O'Connell Street the following weekend proved that their excuses were bullshit.'

'There's no arguing with bureaucracy.'

She shakes her head. 'I don't know. This country depresses me sometimes, still.'

'It's annoying, but we'll do our best to work around it.'

They turn onto Parnell Street – doing their best to navigate the chaos and roadworks that have continued to dominate the street as the new Luas railway tracks have been laid. Sarah leans into Mark slightly as they walk. She loves to do this: she loves feeling supported and held by him, especially when he has his arm around her, as he does now. After being alone for so many years, it has surprised her just how easily she's slipped into the rhythm of being part of a couple. She feels effortlessly comfortable with him.

She looks up at him and smiles. 'Hey, Mark?'

'What?'

'You're cute.'

'Shut up.'

Sarah giggles. She'll never get tired of annoying him in this way.

At Cineworld, the lines are extremely long –'okay, I knew going to The Last Jedi in its first week would be a mistake, but I didn't expect the crowds to still be this big,' Mark comments – but by the time they have gotten their tickets and escaped, they still have plenty of time to spare. The theatre isn't open yet, and they have sneaked in their own popcorn and snacks rather than pay the exorbitant food prices there. They sit down on an empty sofa near the theatre.

'So,' Sarah begins brightly, 'I heard that in this movie, Rey –'

Mark immediately holds up his hand to stop her. 'If you give me any spoilers right now, I'll have to kill you, Sarah.'

'Okay,' she laughs, 'duly noted! I don't usually mind spoilers too much. It depends on how big they are.'

'Well, good for you,' he retorts, winking. 'But I want to hear absolutely nothing!'

'Alright.'

Sarah sits in silence for a minute – staring into the distance, beginning to eat her popcorn – anything to make herself look occupied and avoid looking at Mark. She is running out of diversionary topics to discuss, and the fiasco at the restaurant is starting to loom large in her mind once more, no matter how hard she tries to push it away.

He stares at her, frowning a little.

'Sarah?'

"Yeah?'

‘You’ve gotten kind of quiet.’

‘Oh ... a little tired, is all.’

‘You sure?’

‘Mm-hm.’

‘Why don’t I believe you?’

Sarah is silent. She is reluctant to repeat Joanne’s awful words. She doesn’t want to hurt him.

‘Sarah, I know something’s wrong.’

She closes her eyes and exhales deeply. She should tell him, really – even though it's hard, and even though there is nothing she would like to talk about less right now. She shouldn't be trying to hide things from him. ‘It … it was Joanne. The aunt of mine that you met earlier. At the meal … she was horrible.’

‘How so?’ When Sarah continues to be silent, he sighs a little wearily. ‘It had something to do with me, didn’t it?’

‘She just … oh, she was awful, I don’t even want to get into it.’

‘No. Tell me.’

‘Oh God. Well, the whole thing started because of what you said about going to the Pride meeting. Joanne wanted to know why you would go to a meeting like that, because – in her words – “sure that’s only for the gays.”’

‘Wow…’ Mark laughs a little shakily.

'So I told her that you were bi – I just said it, then immediately moved on to another subject. I didn't want to have a big discussion about it. I wanted to just say it – because I have no reason to lie – and let that be that. Should I ... maybe I shouldn't have said it at all without your permission, though? Oh God, I don't know. I'm sorry.' Sarah is starting to get flustered, and a little bit teary-eyed, at this sudden realisation that maybe she did everything wrong, that this is all her fault, that Mark is going to be mad at her now...

Mark reaches out to squeeze her hand and smiles gently. 'No, I understand why you said it. Don't get upset. Please.'

‘I can't help getting upset – I feel horrible just repeating what she said,' Sarah blurts out, before remembering that she has to dampen down her panic and lower her voice: she needs to stay conscious of other people waiting near the theatre, just a short distance away. 'She … she came out with all of the worst stereotypes you can imagine. Implied that you would ... that you would definitely give me HIV, because all men who've been with other men have it, apparently. And you were going to run off with another man. And she said you were really gay and “going back into the closet” by going out with me.’

Mark's mouth is now hanging open. ‘Huh. Wow ... okay.’

‘Another thing she said was that I wouldn’t be able to give blood for a year.’

Mark sighs heavily. ‘Yeah, I know all about that policy. I actually gave blood twice when I was younger, but now I can’t.’

‘That’s kind of crap.’

He shrugs. ‘Kind of, I guess. I remember the first time I did it, I was only nineteen. I was in college. They have all these questions on the form for men, asking have you ever had sex with another man –’

Sarah nods. ‘I’ve given blood before too. I’ve seen the questions.’

‘I remember feeling kind of bad that those questions were there, but I just answered no to them all and moved on. Back then, I never thought they would apply to me. I had a girlfriend at the time – a girl I really liked – and it was a couple of years before ... you know ... the incident with my friend that I told you about.’

'I remember.'

'I guess I just ... I wanted to do the right thing, save lives ... all that kind of stuff. The second time, the questions hit me harder because I strongly suspected I was bi – I was starting to accept it – but I had never slept with a guy at that point, so I could still honestly answer no to those questions.’

He looks a little upset – it breaks Sarah's heart – so she leans in to put her arms around him.

‘I remember a friend of mine telling me, one day, all about a blood donation policy that’s been implemented in a few different countries now: queer men can donate blood if they haven’t had sex with another man for a year. She said it like it was the most amazing, progressive news ever. Ah, she meant well – I know she did – but I just … I wasn’t sure what I was expected to do. Jump up and down? Because some men are allowed to give blood in those countries now, but everyone else is still barred?’ He shakes his head. ‘I don't know, it just ... feels like a strange sort of “victory” to me.’

‘I can imagine.’

‘If they brought in that policy here … well, I’d actually be eligible to give blood right now, because the last guy I slept with was my ex, nearly a year and a half ago. I have to admit, I’d feel conflicted about giving blood again when I know that so many other queer men still won’t be allowed. Then again, I would remember all those hospital patients who rely on donated blood every single day ... so ... I suppose I will end up donating again at some point, if that policy comes here, but…’ He sighs. ‘It’s a difficult one for me.’

Mark is now staring fixedly at the floor front of him and Sarah feels awful. It was a terrible idea to bring any of this up, clearly.

'This conversation has gotten so depressing,' she murmurs softly, downcast. She reaches out to squeeze his hand, just as he squeezed hers a few minutes earlier. 'I'm so sorry. I didn't want to tell you any of that. I didn't want to repeat a single word Joanne said. But in the end, I thought ... I shouldn't hide stuff like this from you.'

'No, no,' he says with a sigh, then turns to look at her and tries to smile. 'I get that. It's better for me to know...'

They sit in silence for a few moments, watching as other cinemagoers chat and laugh nearby. 'Mark,' Sarah says eventually, her voice full of determination, 'I hope you know that you're an amazing person. You really are. And I'm so glad you came into my life. I don't give a shit what Joanne thinks. I like you and nothing else matters.'

His eyes glitter with mischief. 'Do you actually like me though, or are you just being polite?' [Referring to an earlier joke made by Sarah 😊]

She beams innocently at him. 'Yes, Mark, sure. That's all it is: I'm being polite.'

'Is that so?'

'It's rude not to go out with whoever asks. That's just basic etiquette, Mark, come on...'

'Thanks for educating me on that.'

A member of staff finally comes along to unlock the door to the theatre, and people around them start to move. Sarah gets to her feet. 'Anyway. The movie is starting, we should go in...'

'Yeah.' He stands up too and they walk to the door, hand in hand. 'Let's hope it's good!'

'I hope so too. In this one, Rey ends up –'

'Don't. Say. A word!'

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That bout of writing amounts to 1,451 new words. It's a couple of hours to midnight yet, so I may get a bit more writing done before the day ends.

I want to end this post by giving a shout out to everyone else who has signed up to the ~~fit of absolute lunacy~~ invigorating creative challenge that is #FreewriteMadness. 😇 Make sure you go and support their work too! I have limited voting power (damn my not-quite-plankton but not-quite-redfish status 😉), but will upvote as many posts as I can per day.

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