Take Us Home - Five Minute Freewrite

in #freewrite6 years ago (edited)

Take Us Home

These were hard times. Carolyn pulled up in the small blue Corsica with her daughter Mandolyn at the Salvation Army. She parked close to the door because it was raining and shut the engine off. It sputtered and then went silent. She let out a deep breath and looked brightly at her daughter and said,"We're here!" She was trying to make it fun. She never imagined that she would be school shopping for her five-year-old daughter at a Salvation Army, but with Jacob getting laid off from the factory, hard times made things necessary that she never thought she would experience.

"Stay close by," she admonished Mandolyn, "I'll get you some cute dresses for school and, if you're good, we'll pick up a toy before we leave. Please, just stay near me, there's a lot of people here today."

She surveyed the parking lot and the women rummaging around inside the double doors. The little girl looked up at her Mom and smiled. This was an adventure to her.

Carolyn headed over to the little girl's section. It looked like a tornado had passed through already and still items were being placed on tables or laying crumpled on top of racks. This was going to be a chore.

Mandolyn went with her mother and stood quietly for a while surveying the crowds. There were a couple of other children, but they were infants in old shopping carts. There was an end of summer clearance bag sale going on, so a lot of baby clothes were getting thrown into carts by women who looked tired and wore clothing that had seen better days.

After a few minutes of standing close to her mother, Mandolyn grew bored and wandered over to the wall where she saw a few toys and a bicycle. She always wanted a new bicycle. Carolyn was busy trying to find Mandolyn size clothes and didn't notice her daughter wander off. Mandolyn reached the corner of the store where two baby dolls sat on a metal shelf alone. For a moment, she stared quietly at the hodgepodge of toys. She was all by herself and enjoying touching various toys that looked overloved. Suddenly, she heard a whisper and looked around. It was the voice of a young child.

"Mandolyn?" the voice said, "we are here."

Mandolyn looked up and around her, but didn't see anyone so she went back to looking at the toys on the lower shelf. It had small kitchen toys, a bowl and a mixer and even an old Easy Bake Oven.
She decided that she would ask her mother for the oven. She wasn't allowed to cook in the kitchen but she always wanted to make little cookies and cakes like she saw on TV. She heard a whisper again, "Mandolyn, we're here."

This time she looked straight up at the dolls. She liked the little doll with the red hair. She reached up to touch her foot and it moved, she was surprised by the movement so she let her hand drop like she'd touched something hot. This time, the blonde doll turned its head to face her. The dolls lips didn't move but the voice in her head was unmistakabley coming from the doll. "We're glad you came. It's time for us to go home. Please make sure to get us out of here. We want to go home."

Mandolyn was a sweet girl and she liked to be home, too. She never experienced voices in her head before, but they seemed okay. She did not feel frightened. She looked back down at the Easy-Bake Oven. She picked up one of the little pans and the mixing bowl. They were bright blue and pink. "Please," said the little redhead with glowing red eyes, "we really need to go home now."

Mandolyn looked back up and smiled slightly, "I would really like the Easy-Bake Oven," she explained.

"Look for one at Christmas." said the blonde doll with a red stare, "just ask your mother to buy us and take us home.

"I will ask her. I need to go back over there because she told me to be good."

When she made her way back to her mother, she tugged at her mother's skirt. Her mother's arms were full of second-hand dresses and some warm pants and even a pair of shoes, a small coat and a pair of boots that didn't look worn at all.

Carolyn looked down at her daughter, a bit distracted, still fondling a little blouse with small butterflies and flowers that she knew Mandolyn would look cute in. She added it to her pile, mentally calculating what it was going to cost at the register. This was the last selection.

"Okay sweetheart, we can go pick out your toy now. What would you like?"

"There are two little dolls the shelf that need to go home with us. Can I have them both, Mama?"

Carolyn looked down at her daughter, troubled, and said, "I'm sorry sweetheart, I don't have much money left, you'll have to pick one thing that you want."

"Okay," Mandolyn said. She walked over to the shelf and when she got there, one of the dolls was missing. The only one left was the blond doll with the red eyes. She picked up the little doll and she tucked her safely under her arm and walked back to her mother.

"This is what I want," she said, producing the doll. Carolyn was alarmed at the little blond doll in her daughter's arms with a red stare. "No, sweetheart, you don't want that doll! What about that little oven over there?"

"No Mommy, can't I just take the dolly home?" Carolyn shook her head, "I will buy you the oven. I promise you, we'll get you a new doll for Christmas."

Mandolyn carried the doll slowly back to the shelf and set her down.

"I'm sorry little girl. I can't take you home." The doll whispered to her. "Tell Carolyn my name is Sandy." And then the doll spoke no more.

Mandolyn picked up the Easy-Bake oven with the bowl and mixer and walked to the register.

As Carolyn and Mandolyn were leaving the parking lot, the rain came down harder and Carolyn had the windshield wipers on going full speed. In the distance they heard loud thunder claps and a bolt of bright lightning struck. It lit up the landscape close to home. Mandolyn looked at her mom and said, "the little dolls really wanted to come home. The little blond doll said to tell you that her name is Sandy."

Carolyn's head whipped over to face her daughter and her face was blanched white, hair prickled at her neck's nape as she sucked in her breath. "Who told you about Sandy?


Samsung Galaxy Note 8 by @wandrnrose7

This is today's five minute freewrite.
Here is the link for today.
In all fairness, this did take longer than 5 minutes, but in all fairness, it was a stream-of-conscious affair.
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@wandrnrose7 oh my the chills! Haha I feel them going down my spine.

Makes me intrigued to find out what happened between Carolyn and Sandy... (:

Thank you for reading and commenting... I don't even know what happened between the two of them yet... but it must have been bad!

Now that totally deserved a curie vote. It was well written, enthralling and took a massive turn from where i was expecting to go. That's how you write a story, so well done.

I was reading through it enjoying the context and how well you had written about the broken mother, struggling through life and the adventurous daughter. Then once the dolls started talking I was like, ok. Different direction.

Then left with a cliffhanger that needs a follow up.

Thank you for reading and this wonderful review! I was so surprised to see a @curie vote and all the votes! It is been a very rough week filled with migraines and this was a free right based on a photo that I took at the Salvation Army last Saturday. I never would have imagined that it would turn into this story!

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Inspiration is all around us.
Obviously the talent is there anyway so after that it's just a matter of getting it down on paper. My head is always full of ideas and narrative but to actually get it formed into a story is another problem altogether.
You don't suffer from that issue at least.

Wow, that's a wonderful compliment! Thank you again. <3

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Migraines. Did you see a comment I posted earlier on food triggers? It's traumatic to read if you're a fan of red wine, chocolate, yogurt, and the list of every good thing ever (but of course not broccoli or kale!) as food triggers. I've battled daily headaches all my life, and question the "migraine" diagnosis, but find that diet and sufficient sleep make the biggest difference. I hope you feel better soon!! (Without giving up beer and pizza or whatever you love!)

I did read this and abstain from that list, I tried diet when they first got worse in spring and fall. Mine are hemiplegic migraine brought on by a head injury in 2000. instead of improving with age, they intensified.  I am on botox now and have tried supplements etc. All summer they were controlled and now with seasonal weather,  they plague me once more. I keep hunting for holistic treatment and won't stop 🤗

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hemiplegic migraine brought on by a head injury
Why couldn't my doctors diagnose such a thing? It sounds very plausible, given my history, and the car T-boned when I was a passenger at age 21... the daily headaches seem to have gone "viral" so to speak after that, but what nobody needs to hear about me and my migraines. Let me know if you find a holistic treatment that works. Botox is supposed to help. I'd try it, but it's every month, thousands of dollars, and I'm a skeptic. I hope you get yours cured soon!!

@wandrnrose7, what a creepy and horror story hahha.. I enjoyed it very much and you completed it in 5 minutes with such a marvelous story.

It reminded me of "chucky" movie. Your story has the same effect as the movie. How you made me suspense on who is "Sandy". Would it be her daughter who she miscarriage or pass away before Mandolyn born. Hmmm wondering if you continue this story, how you gonna wrote the story. And the doll photos perfectly match and compliment your story.

Your hardwork has paid off by getting curie vote. Congratulations.

Thank you so much. I don't know if will continue this story, but I am glad it was a surprise hit for many readers!

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@wandrnrose7, this story was nice and a little bit creepy but it standout if compare with other story. I love to read it very much. Hope you can continue with this type of story :p

I'm so happy that you enjoyed reading... It really was a stream of thought story and those dolls just stood out on the shelf being to be photographed and to have their stories told!

Hi wandrnrose7,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.

Thank you! This made my day... I'm so happy. I've had a super rough week with migraines and my writing is sporadic, but I'm always working at it. Have a great weekend.

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I'm so happy to see a freewrite getting a fat curie vote even if it is for a creepy doll post! You even made trufflepig's dreams come true. Big wow for that.

I can't even look at the photo and might be getting ready to have nightmares now.

Thank you so much! It was an awesome surprise 🤗

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I must say that this sounds very creepy :) Talking dolls were always my nightmares. There was even a horror movie about a doll, luckily I don't remember the name, so please don't tell me if you know which movie I'm talking about :)

I wonder what these dolls wanted to do 'at home'. Oh God! Shivering while just thinking about it :)

Great job for a 5 minutes free write. I wouldn't be able to produce something like that in a very long time..

Thank you for sharing :)

Thank you so much for reading and for your wonderful comment. Sometimes my brain pushes itself into these directions during 5-minute freewrites... Quite honestly, I never thought I would be able to write a short story in a such a short period. All it needed was a little bit of grammar brushing up.

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Creepy dolls, but great #freewrite. Great job. 👏

Thank you so much, my friend it was an easy story to write... especially since the minute I saw those dolls at Salvation Army I thought, wow... I can see some fiction in these LOL. I'm glad so many people were able to take off with the photo and write poems and stories.

Great story but I’m amazed everyone seemed to find these 2 smiling dolls so spooky.
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Thank you for dropping by with the prompt. I think just the eyes does it for the curiosity of those changed colors. Amazing how the material faded to those colors.

Wow! What a chilling tale! Well done, and congratulations on a well-earned curie!
I have to say, I'm a regular shopper at Goodwill and Salvation Army, because I find things I like there, in good condition, for a fraction of new -- and for me, shopping in the mall, under fluorescent lights, with crowds and high prices on stuff that gets stained or torn as soon as I wear it, buy used just makes so much more sense. And for children and babies who outgrew things so quickly, buying new makes even less sense. Wear it once, launder it, and you can't even tell new from used.
There. Done with rant!
I also buy used toys at these places, and I will love dolls and stuffed animals and plastic lions and horses, and the more battered with love they are, the better. :)

Thank you so much for reading and for the compliment! I honestly had no idea this would take off the way that it did, but I am grateful. You're really does feel good to know that other people can appreciate your writing so that means... I'm doing something right! I'm a firm believer and buying second-hand gently used. I'm a bargain shopper after raising two boys by myself and prior to that live very tight budget when I was married. I'm not a big mall crawler either, so that's awesome. I love the fact that you like to pick up used and well-loved toys. There's just something about them! I love horses, and so I share that love as well! Growing up every year my mom used to buy me the expensive figurines. My favorite were Arabian horses.

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Oooh, by expensive figurines, do you mean the coveted BREYER HORSE?
Oh man I love those!!!
Your story is great as is -- I just wanted to take that fictional mother aside and urge her to tell her daughter it was a real treat to get clothes that have been softened and loved by previous owners. Our daughters used to LOVE getting hand-me-downs; it was like Christmas when a friend dropped her daughter's outgrown clothes at our door. New clothes are stiff, but the preworn were soft and comfy. So... it's all a matter of perspective. How our values change from one generation or era to the next. I was just reading about how 18th C women dressed--a shift, 3 petticoats, a kerchief (scarf), a bodice thing, lots of ribbons, and the outer layer -- gaaaahhhh!! The era of the powdered white wigs - gaaahhh!!!

I actually do own my VERY OWN Breyer horse now. Age 50+, I bought it at a farm store, after-Christmas-clearance. It's a small one, not the 1/16 size, but by God I now have a BRYER horse. I never owned a real Barbie in my childhood, just knock-offs, so my offspring acquired nearly a hundred *real * Barbies...

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