A couple questions to those who have been doing this a while. How do you keep your story in line? How can I make my page more attracting?

Regarding this current story, What do you like about it? What writing problems do you see with it? How can I make it stronger?

Thanks.

https://steemit.com/weekendfreewrite/@tristancarax/the-stall-day-44-weekend-freewrite