She had been here so many times before.

Thoughts fighting in her brain.

Was she good enough?

No, she wasn't.

Yes, maybe so. If she tried hard enough.

Yes, you are what everyone says.

To believe would mean to let go.

Let go of a lifetime of feeling inferior to all around her.

Did she have the guts? The willpower to do this one simple thing?

Easy to believe the naysayers, the ones that called you out.

Ones that preyed on your weak side, without them knowing it.

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Squashing all that others had spent so much time building, building, building until she might have started to believe.

Doubt came back full force, slamming inside her head.

Blackness swirled, happy once again, letting loose the darkness inside her.

Through the years she had grown in mind and spirit. Darkness not having the same hold it once had.

The fight was real as nothingness filled her brain while sitting down to perform something that use to be the norm.

Too many people had surrounded her with love, truth, and acceptance.

Inch by inch the blackness found places to hide, not to be outdone by will alone.

Fingers clicked-clacked on the keys slowly now, while she tried not to think beyond the next word. To think of no words at all. Letting them fly, as they always did, right from her brain to her fingertips.

Filling the whiteness with all the blackness she could.

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Purging out every drop of negative energy she could find onto that piece of paper.

The funeral now began.

No grief was felt in letting it go. No joy, per se, but a will to carry on. She would not let the naysayers have their way.

Done, she looked up seeing a page filled with the words written. No recollection of how they came to be.

Fingers ran through her hair, while a sigh was heard throughout when the last keystroke was heard.

~Snook

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