I Challenge Myself! 30 Steemit Posts For January (Timeboxing and Balancing Experiment for Self Improvement)

I know that I've gone quiet lately, with the break up, and new job, and school starting up again next Monday. I wanted to take this opportunity to remind all of my friends here that I miss and do think about you, and the quests you may be on. I want to work my way back up to properly communicating with everyone, and this is my first step. I've spent the last few days working in the days and having heart to hearts with my close friends at night. I fell into a lot of negative thinking and powerlessness recently, but want to begin taking small steps into resolving several existential issues I've been encountering with myself for years.

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Fear of Indulgence

I haven't been playing games lately, or doing any hobbies that I am interested in. I haven't lost interest, I have a fear of losing days, weeks, and months into the things I enjoy doing, which has happened to me in the past. It is intimidating to have such strong and fiery passions, that you fear that everything else in your life will fall apart due to entertaining obsessions. In the past, I have lost track of hours, and days engrossed into a project or something I felt like I wanted to invest my time into. Although I genuinely like these past-times, my single focus self has pulled back in fear of diving too deep, when I have other responsibilities to attend to. I currently lack the self control to just play one game, or dedicate short periods on working towards something. This is not fun or enjoyable at all, I don't want to give up these things indefinitely. This also makes me hesitant to accept new responsibilities, because I give my life to anything I focus on, whilst dropping everything else.

My Ritual

There are some days that I overthink myself into paralysis, thinking that everything is too big, scary, and possibly devastating to actually deal with, or work on. Before typing this up, I did my short ritual that helps ground me into productivity and relaxation. It may not sound like much, but I do the dishes, and take out the trash to set up the mentality that; "It doesn't have to be the best, you just have to do." The greatest novels never get written.

30 Post Challenge

Most of my days are not productive as I would like to believe, as 90% of the time is spent only thinking of a task, and only 10% on doing it. If I could find a way to spend more time doing, then would this free me up for the things I once loved to do? Would my skill, and speed improve? Well, I am here to find out. For the rest of January, my only Steemit goal is to write 30 blogs in total. I thought this one through, writing one blog everyday would put too much pressure on myself. Everyone has good and bad days, so I need to give myself the room to do more on my up days, and relax more on my down ones.

Time boxing is a concept where a person does as much as they can on any one task in the alloted time. Removing the focus on quality, and placing it on how much is completed. When I normally do things, I am never intentionally trying to do the best possible job that I can do, rather I become too interested and lose myself in the task fully embracing it. This has been messing with me lately, as I spend so much time doing any one thing, that I end up avoiding it to not lose the time. I noticed that I would be putting off my blogs here on Steemit, asking myself; "Do I have 5 hours right now for this?" In the past couple of weeks, I have been going through so many changes that I am consciously monitoring my sleep, and productivity towards my real life crisis.

I'm Scared

But it is worth a try. I cannot promise that my posts will hold the same feel, and depth that I normally try to represent, but I can say that I will do my best to be writing more. I feel that I will slowly be able to add more things, by not setting the bar impossibly high to start off. My goal is not to be the best, but to be there.

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