Day 538: 5 Minute Freewrite: Thursday - Prompt: shade
We clean up good. Except for George. Poor George.
I love this picture of me (left) and three of my four siblings. I should be saying "poor Greg" because he was not present, which pissed a few (one) people off. And we had a good time so there's that. Douche. Let me cast some light on this situation.
We are all five children of alcoholics. We learned to hide in the evenings as soon as Dad came home. The more invisible the better. If we dared to have a scuffle of any kind, we would be punished for aggravating Dad. We did not learn to talk to one another, nor did we often hear two adults having a two sided discussion. We heard one scary side yelling at the silent other.
It was hard to be a part of this family for me. Some of the others feel differently. These others think it was a swell house to be a child in, went on to organize their houses in a similar way in one respect, and raised their kids just as we were raised: to be drinkers.
The final picture of my father was of him and four of his five children (I was the douche that month) raising a glass to his life in his hospice room. He had been there a few hours and "martini" was his final request. My brother George (pretty obvious which one is George) snapped a shot of the celebration and texted it to me. I'm told one of my sisters got very drunk in hospice after my father's death, and insisted on handling the affairs.
The next day I spoke up in a safe room, my first.
"Hi, I'm Stacey and I am here today because of a photograph that was taken yesterday."
this is my entry to @mariannewest freewrite challenge
https://steempeak.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-538-5-minute-freewrite-thursday-prompt-shade
I started out wanting to talk about the light and shade in this photograph, then went to one of my darkest places. I spent quite a bit of time after the five minutes. I actually stopped the timer and carried on as long as needed to get the essence of this story right. Thank you for reading.
That takes guts. I can't imagine what that was like but I am grateful that you shared it and got it out. Sometimes even writing fiction I will feel so much better afterward like I was holding something in that I didn't even know I was holding onto. Also, great looking bunch! 😁
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Thank man. It was kind of easy though, felt like a story I wanted to tell. Going to Al Anon actually helps one heal from the pain and shame and makes alcoholism much easier to talk about.
Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for going to the safe rom and breaking the cycle.
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I come from a family of alcoholics and other substance abusers. It really does affect who you are as you become an adult and live life yourself. I never had issues with drinking or indulging in other substances, but I'm certain aspects of my mentality and "who I am" came about thanks to my childhood.
Callous, emotionally closed except when in my false realities, a bit of a bitch in my parenting style... all things I hate to admit, but can admit them which is the main thing.
Thank you for sharing yourself with us. :)
Thank you for your comment! Alcohol abuse most definitely shapes our personalities whether we drink or not. I am surprised by your assessment of yourself though. I sure would not guess that you were emotionally closed given all the emotion in your writing - you may feel "closed" but you are very aware.
Twenty years of therapy later, I'm still struggling with alcohol.
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Much appreciated!
I have updated this story three times already. I keep futzing with the exact wording. I just wanted to put that out there.
I read twice to fully grasp it. Thank you for writing it out for us. Must have taken alot of emotional and mental strength to do that. ❤️
This is a jaw-dropper, @owasco. I found it while going through the c-cubed selections today. I'm so proud of you for writing and publishing this freewrite. And much happier to read you are so strong.
If there were an award for most supportive person on steem, you'd be nominated by a whole lot of folks Sharon. Thanks for your comment. I thought of you as I wrote this.
I grew up with an adult child of an alcoholic who after I married and my parents divorced returned to the family choice of drink. Our home was dry from the time I was too young to remember, but mom struggled as a young mother and the communication issues were present between my parents. Mom took her own life at 56 as a drinker (her third attempt in her life was her final). One of three of my my four siblings battled and succeeded to overcome drink. My baby sister is clean now. The home life was different than yours but addictions stain lingers on in different ways. I emphasize with your battle because I walked into a controlling abusive marriage and walked 20 years on eggshells. I freed myself and my two children left at home and learned how to be independent, going on to get a communication degree. Thank you for sharing your story.
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And I am so pleased to hear you have got this snake by the head, and not the tail.
Thank you @owasco. I climbed a dark ladder to the sun!
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Thank you so much for your comment. There are so many horrible stories! A great many of them contain a "controlling" person. I have one sister who is preposterously controlling, and I've often wondered why. Now I think it is just so that the 5:00 pre-dinner martinis begin at 5:00 sharp (followed by wine at dinner and beer on tap after), and the day's productive activities before that justify the drinking.
The sadness is the most unhappy people are those who feel compelled to control others. @owasco. Hugs
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