My Silent Scream | #FreeWrite [Cancer]

I was in a crowded room when a girl accidentally brushed the side of my right breast and my initial reaction was to apply a little pressure so the pain will go away.


Little did I know it was Life's way of letting me know that I have a mass or as they call it, a cyst.


I must not forget to mention that I was only 15 years old when I found out.


During that time, what comes to my mind after realizing I have cyst is that I have CANCER too.


Cancer would require me to undergo expensive procedures and take expensive medicines.


Expensive procedures and expensive medicines could mean we could not afford it, my siblings might have to stop studying and we might have to sell our house (that's the only thing that we can call ours.)


Being broke could mean we need the fastest solution and that is to just remove the part that is affected.


Removing my breast could mean that I'll be forever a living joke. But that doesn't actually matter to me at all because I'm more afraid that there's only a small probability that I'll live longer.


Small probabilty—Ticking clock—could mean I'll die without impact...

“It's really going to happen. I really won't ever go back to school. Not ever. I'll never be famous or leave anything worthwhile behind. I'll never go to college or have a job. I won't see my brother grow up. I won't travel, never earn money, never drive, never fall in love or leave home or get my own house.
It's really, really true.
A thought stabs up, growing from my toes and ripping through me, until it stifles everything else and becomes the only thing I'm thinking. It fills me up like a silent scream.” ― Jenny Downham, Before I die.

Worst the life of my loved ones will be ruined because of great debt...

Can you imagine how scared I am?

Can you imagine not being able to sleep?.

Can you imagine the feeling of being choked every minute of your life.

Can you imagine hiding the fact hoping that if no one knows, it couldn't be real.

But a mother will always be a mother.

She knew that I was hiding something.


So one night she sat beside my bed without turning on the light and she asked me in her most calming voice, "What's wrong darling? You know you can tell me everything."
And in a snap my eyes watered and I started to confide with her. I told her what and how I found out—that I have a cyst and that it could mean I have cancer.


She tried to hush me and then she said, “You should stop worrying now child, because everything is going to be alright.”
I knew that's not true but still, I was able to made myself believe her...

_source

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^{* Freewriting- is the practice of writing down all your thoughts without stopping, and without regard for spelling, grammar, or any of the usual rules for writing. It might include a topic (prompt) as a general guide, or it might not.
** Thank you @mariannewest for your initiative to run #freewrite, #freewritepoetry, #freewritepoetrydigest.}

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