Paper Cranes (5 Minute Freewrite)
Large paper cranes dotted the koi pond, each cradling one battery-powered tea light. Their artificial flickers presented a stark contrast against the glassy surface of the pond, its underwater inhabitants invisible in the nighttime. Bethany looked up at the stranger standing across the water, equally contemplative in the moment.
The stranger looked up and made eye contact. After a few uncomfortable moments of silence, the stranger spoke. “Can I help you?” Bethany was startled at the blunt question, clearly meant as a challenge and not an inquiry. “Um, no. I just, I was wondering why you were here.”
“It’s none of your business.” It occurred to Bethany that she had become accustomed to the niceties of polite conversations with strangers, and had expected at least a vague response, however invasive it may have been for her to pry. But her curiosity remained. After all, the stranger’s motivations for being here tonight must have been personal to warrant a crane and a midnight visit to the pond. An awkward silence ensued.
Bethany responded to her own question. “I lost someone last week, and I’m trying to get them back. Maybe the paper crane will help.” “What do you mean? Paper cranes can’t bring people back. That’s stupid.” “No, I mean, I lost someone, literally. They’re lost. Missing.”
The stranger looked back with a despondent stare. “I lost someone too. But not like that.” Bethany looked down at her feet. “I’m sorry. I hope they find their way.”
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This is so heartbreakingly beautiful, I just love this. It's so short, yet so intense <3
Thank you! <3
There is another use for the origami crane I had not heard of yet. I know about folding them till your fingers are stiff and you've got a thousand for the blessing that will cure an ill person, but it's good to know they will keep for other emergencies and despondencies besides (although I suppose the whole therapeutic/energetic point is to fold them anew - only in these tree-bare and dead-water times I can't help but think of recycling the short way).
A compelling read.
Love your old floor boards. Hope they didn't creak. Mine are driving me potty. You'ld think it would be nice and literary Parisian romantic but it's nerve-wracking for the one who stays at home all year.
I really don't know if cranes are used for this purpose at all, actually. Originally in my one minute of brainstorming before my five minutes of writing, I thought of a sentence like, "small paper planes dotted the ocean around her," but I couldn't think of a reason why you would put paper planes in water, especially the ocean. I thought that cranes were probably appropriate for that, and I thought it would be nice to put candles in them, but the density would certainly sink them, so I had to make them large cranes. Anyway, the whole thing still might make no sense, in terms of physics and in terms of purpose. But thank heavens for poetic license and allowing me to have such an indulgence as writing things that are completely unrealistic!
I am intrigued by this story and very touched, too.
Thank you! I had no idea where I was going, but I wrote that just as I was running out of time and realized that it worked as an ending.
It works awesome!
Good use of dialogue, definitely made me wonder about both characters.
Great use of the writing prompt. Very creative.
Bethany is a great name.
Paper cranes can't bring people back.. but maybe it will bring these two together?....nice 😊
Two lost souls, one missing and sounds like one has died. Now maybe these 2 will come together? I would love for this beautifully written story to continue. : )
Resident cat here, delivering today's prompt after a few licks of milk: https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-209-5-minute-freewrite-wednesday-prompt-milk
Thank you! Maybe I'll continue it... so far I'm kind of liking the super-short story format that has been materializing for me.
Whatever works best. Either way, very enjoyable to read. : )
beautiful story. in a very few words you touched my heart with all your words <3
Aw, thank you for reading. I'm flattered to have had that impact.