Ledge (freewrite)

She could've, if she had wanted, told you how it all spiraled out of her frail control. But the truth was, she didn't want to. She just wanted to get deeper and more lost into the nightmare, with each passing day.

She struggles to breathe, now, because the ropes are tight around her body, around her rib cage. He tied it too close, the knot is too tight and she can't scream for him to come loosen it. Even if she could, he probably wouldn't be there to hear.
So, she lies still and tries not to breathe too much, because maybe then, she can survive until he comes back. And she tries, in her mind, to keep alive the illusion that she doesn't like this. But she feels, deep down in her soul, the thrill, the excitement of the ropes binding her. She likes the danger and the sense of hopelessness. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees a deep pit at her feet and she sees herself standing on the ledge. It's exciting, to think that she might die.

But she tries not to think of that because now, the danger is very real and if she's not careful, she might indeed, suffocate before he comes back. She should be scared, but she's not, and it terrifies her. She realizes she doesn't fear death and she wonders if she was like this from the start or if the games have gotten too far.
When she first asked Austin to hit her, he was shocked. But she could see, in his eyes, that he liked the idea. His palms itched to do it, to feel life escaping her in his hands.
And she was scared, but excited at the same time. Austin wasn't. Something cold and deep took over his waking gaze and he grew into the part of abuser easily. A part she begged for, in the beginning.
And the more Catlyn wondered why she liked it, the more brutal he became.

She worries that the prospect of death does not scare her, and she fears, deep down, that there's something wrong in her head. That some wire was cut off at birth and she's not like the other people. She has to stop, because although she's not scared by the idea itself, she's beginning to panic and her ribcage pushes against the ropes. And is defeated.
She shuts her eyes and tries to focus. How long ago did Austin leave, she wonders. It's a game they play and not knowing when he'll be back is part of the excitement. They live quite far off, so no one can hear when she does scream, which is great. They always had trouble with the neighbors, at their old place.

Somewhere, in a seemingly empty house, on the far side of Texas, a phone rings. And rings an rings, because there's not one soul able to pick up and a manly voice comes through on the machine and whispers..

I'm never coming back, sugar.

And in that remote southern house, a voice screams and nobody hears and it screams until it can't scream no more.

Today's prompt was Texas, hope I managed to live up to it. Nothing against Texans, just what I saw in my head :) If you'd like to try freewriting, check out @mariannewest's blog - she's one awesome lady, and the mother of our freewriting family <3

Thank you for reading,