Intrusive thoughts + impulsivity + uninhibitedness + thought disorder , and perhaps a dose of unfortunate happenstance upon an irreversible timeline ...
Can result in one finding themselves atop a tall and dark spot. Maybe it's in the climbing down and the lumination that we find we are paralysed.

I am frozen in my kitchen right now typing to you. Typing nonsence that has layers of ambiguity and memory and contrived concealment. I was the most impulsive youngen. I am now very different. So many risks taken I am too aware of the possible, I try to contain everything to protect my loves. I know it inhibits them and no doubt steers them in the direction of another danger or uncertainty, or limits there own experience. But what do you do?
There was a time when my body was fun? When I leaped and ran?
How I long to run again. I would run with scissors if I could run again, it was my drug.
That reminds me of a weird Al album