Trash Day
I hated trash day.
I could hear the rumble of the engine as I lept from my tree to the ground. I had overslept! Rushing through the weeds, I cursed myself for staying up so late to see Monkey Shines. Now I was going to miss my chance to root through Ms. M.'s garbage!
The hiss of the giant truck told me I was too late as I scrambled up and over the hedge. The dirty white trash gobbler, with attached humans clinging on, lumbered down the hill. Those greedy jerks, couldn't they have left one garbage bin for the rest of us? I hollered my thoughts about their lineage and sexual inclinations but couldn't be heard over the ruckus of the truck. What a crummy way to start my day. The movie's ending hadn't been worth losing my morning coffee grounds.
It was as I was making my way back home that I saw it! A green bottle with the words MOUNTAIN DEW emblazoned on it was abandoned in the overgrown lawn. They'd missed something! It wasn't coffee but, beggers can't be choosers. The stuff inside the plastic looked...odd. I would have mistaken it for that liquid humans use to scrub toilets (or was it dishes) if it didn't smell vaguely like food.
Dragging it to the safety behind the hedge was a pain. Almost as difficult as it was to gnaw through the cap. Why did humans feel the need to lock up their food? Maybe it was how they got their exercise. The barrier wasn't much of a match for my teeth though and with a CRACK, the plastic splintered.
Neon green liquid sloshed and fizzed inside, the little bubbles tickled my nose. I got it! Humans used this stuff to make them sneeze! How funny that they needed to make a food just to do something so natural. My tongue snaked out, taking a few tentative licks. The stuff was very sweet, coating my tongue with a sort of citrus taste that had unidentifiable aftertones. Maybe this was toilet cleaner after all.
Though I was a begger, I wasn't desperate. I left the bottle under the hedge, figuring that, if I hurried, I could beat the truck before it reached the next block. I rushed off, stopping every few steps thanks to the need to sneeze.
I hated trash day.
art and flair courtesy of @PegasusPhysics
I'm not sure if we get Mountain Dew here in Ireland but I remember tasting it in the states a few years back and feeling exactly the same. I'm quite sure there are enough chemicals in it to qualify it as toilet cleaner.
😂 They've created a lot of 'specialty' flavors, Code Red, Mountain Blast or something and one that is blue that makes it REALLY look like it should be used for scrubbing a toilet. I can't bring myself to try that one.
Oh crikey, no matter how bad things are they can always get worse!