Here's What You Need to Know to Be Yourself in a World of People Who Don't Want You to
You may have read my last article The Trendy Authenticity Movement - Here's What Authenticity Really Fucking Is and be like, well shit brightstar, I don't think I can do that. I don't want to show a pimply picture of myself just getting out of bed; I want to look pretty for everybody. And, "if I acted how I really feel, people wouldn't like me."
With good reason!
We live in a society of tyrants. They want to tell you what you can put in your body, what kind of mother you should be, how you should drive, how big your house can be, whether you can use plastic bottles or not.... They'd pass a law telling you how you have to think if they could. They're watching your every move, seeing to it that you don't put on your eyeliner wrong, say a word they don't like, or voice an unpopular opinion. They're ready and waiting with the insult, the correction, or the shame. They've done quite a job on us to get us to shun certain aspects of ourselves to oblivion so that we scarcely even know they're there anymore. They'll "put you in your place" real quick.
You were taught where the boundaries are earrrrrly on in life. You knew that if you stepped outside of that boundary, love would be withheld from you. And you learned exactly where it is.
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People are trying to keep you in their box so that you don't threaten their safety and their way of life. It seems the job of society has always been to keep you in the boundaries. And everyone seems to know where that boundary is. Back in our tribal days, it was most important to be part of a group. If you went outside of the boundary, the whole group was at risk.
Although in modern times we embrace the notion of individuality, it's the same story. We're presently in this gray area moving from co-dependence to independence.
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It hasn't been safe to be weird. To help us transition, we need brave people to step up and cry when it's inappropriate, say fuck at fancy dinner parties, wear the shirt they really like even though it's last year's fashion, and let people know when we're suffering.
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If you're one of these brave souls, here's how you can get started:
First you must understand the Second Agreement from Don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements
, Don't take anything personally. In short, what others think of you says what they are, not what you are. What other people perceive about you is not true. It's just their perception that they can only come to through their own life experience. You can also read my article, How to Not Give a Fuck What Other People Think of You
This is the second time Angelina Jolie has been featured in my posts today, and I assure you it is entirely a coincidence. (Wait, I don't believe in coincidences...) SourceSecond, understand that everyone else is deeply wounded, too, and that's why they're trying to keep you in line.
Source Third, as much as you can, try to stop comparing yourself to others. You're a unique snowflake, and there's only one person who can be you. All the other youse are taken. Hardy har. It's true, though. Respect yourself. Respect your path.
SourceFourth, just start small. It's a lot of little authentic actions through the day that make up an authentic life. Each time you gain confidence.
Source Fifth, tell people to kindly fuck off. Whether to them directly or by your decisions.
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There's no right or wrong way to do this.
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Now that is an awesome post. Bigtime.
Comparing ourselves to others is the worst thing we can do. I teach yoga to high school students in a dance studio with mirrors and they are looking at themselves and others all the time and Im always trying to theme my classes arpund this concept and use language that pulls them.toward the celebration of their own unique authenticity, knowing how much damage it does and how long it can take to school the mind back to this understanding. A good post 💗💗💗
Thank you for doing this wooooork!!
I feel its kinda my dhamma ❤❤❤ and I remember how long it took me to shed those shackles!
It's definitely a process!
some time is a fight don't think the worst about ourselves, so thank for remind as good advise, like the first one "Don't take anything personally."