How to Not Give a Fuck What People Think of You

Okay, so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration since we're social creatures, and belonging is kinda like one of our most basic needs. And of course it's important to us that the people we respect like us and respect us, too.

But so many people are handicapped and incapacitated in life simply because of what other people think of them. Some people completely let this run their lives, and everything revolves around it. Most people aren't quite to that level, but to varying degrees our lives are run by what other people think of us.

At parties, people become shy and reclusive and awkward because they're so afraid of other people. What are they afraid of? Their judgment. And people can be cruel. We grow up in a cruel society. Children who are well loved by their parents and know nothing about feeling bad about themselves go to school and are pounded at enough for whatever reason that they cower and start to believe false things about themselves and are scarred for the rest of their lives.

People have wonderful gifts to give to the world but they don't because they're afraid how people will treat them. And rightly so. Brene Brown wrote a whole book about this called Daring Greatly. And check out this interview in which she talks about how cruel people were to her when her TED talk became viral. People made comments about her weight and her mothering even.

We're always going to contact people who treat us badly.

Don't Take Anything Personally

What I learned from an important book in my life The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom is that each and every one of us is our own universe. We can see things only from the filter of this universe that we are, which is comprised of our life experiences. A person's perception is not true. It's only their perception which they came to through their own life experience. To be blunt: we literally see in others what we are. We can't truly see what they are. We can only experience our own experience of them. This means when someone holds an opinion of you it is literally not true. It can never be true, it can only be their perception. Likewise, your opinion of them and how you perceive them is never true.

If you take this into every single fiber of your being, you will be truly and completely liberated in life. I highly recommend reading The Four Agreements. It's rated one of the top personal development books for a very good reason. It will change your life.

If you understand this to be true, then you are going to stop putting so much weight into your own judgment of others. When you judge others far less, then you will also spend drastically less energy thinking about what others think of you.

Understand that humans are incredibly self absorbed.

For example, it's common for people who are really out of shape to not go to the gym to improve their lot in life because they feel too awkward about all the in-shape people at the gym looking at them and judging them. But once again, out of their own self absorption they're forgetting that others are so incredibly absorbed in themselves, they really barely even notice other people at all.

Putting too much stock in what other people think of you or feeling fear about other humans is debilitating. It ruins lives. Belonging is what makes life fulfilling. Sometimes people become so reclusive out of fear of other people that they barely even live.

There are people for all of us.

There are satisfying relationships for all of us. And if you care primarily and first and foremost about what you think of you, then you're going to have an awesome and fulfilling life.

How many dreams go down the tubes because people are afraid to let their parents down? How many people are too afraid to quit their job and not have all the beautiful things because of what people might think? How many artists could change our world but they won't put it out there because of other humans?

You are valuable. You are worthy. Get out there and shine and don't give a fuck.