Giving Away 50 SBD! One-time Only! (Beware of the sarcasm, therefore also an entry for @comedyopenmic) THE SBD IS NOT A LIE!

in free •  4 months ago

I'm giving away 50 SBD.

Yes. You read that right.
I'm giving SBD away.
Because, I can.
Because, why not?

50 sbd give away.jpg

[Insert how happy I am about steemit and the community and how we are all here to help each other and how wonderful the world is and all.]

Let me tell you why and how you can get 50 SBD:

  • I have it.
  • I don't care.
  • I can do it.
  • Nobody does it, so it must be the right thing to do.
  • Anything that attract upvotes and resteems is worth it on this platform, right?
  • The goal is always more important than the means.
  • It's my hard-earned SBD, so why shouldn't I do it?
  • I just write weird short stories and dump them in the cesspool and expect people to read them.
  • The joke is really all on me. Giving away money is more funny than all of that.
  • When I put very high conditions on how to get this free SBD, it's not my responsibility if people want to follow them.
  • It's not like I am giving a reward to unethical behaviour.
  • It's just a give-away of free money. Free SBD, I believe it is money, but haven't a of yet seen proof.
  • I'm not just doing this give-away because Steem is worth less and less. This has nothing to do with it. I promise.
  • O no, I'm using difficult words in a post on steemit, now nobody will read it. Ontological frustrations abound!
  • Oh, wait, nobody reads this anyway.
  • But if I give people 50 SBD to read this crappy amount of words, it's kind of a job, so it's okay, right?
  • But if it is a job, am I responsible for the things people do in order to get the money?
  • What if I don't ask them to read this, but also, like, kill someone?
  • They can decide who, so it has nothing really to do with me, right?
  • Perhaps if I ask someone to do harm to someone specific, or some group of people, that would get me in trouble, right?
  • Oh no, wait, this is what governments and certain people do that all the time, don't they?
  • It is weird for an individual with no power to get in trouble for doing something which people with power do all the time.
  • I don't really want to get in trouble. Except certain types of trouble.
  • Okay, this is going in directions I hadn't expected. It's what happens with freewrites.
  • It's also what I hate about freewrites. At least in its published form.
  • Okay, to be honest, I edited this list to pieces, but I left in the freewrite bit as it is correct.
  • And for those who are still here for the money: I'm really going to give away 50 SBD to someone.
  • But I decided not to let you know what the conditions are.
  • Beware. Because for SURE. There are lots of conditions.
  • I won't be able to tell you the conditions because of legal reasons.
  • The first person to fulfill all my conditions will be receiving 50 SBD.
  • Please leave evidence in the comment section.
  • I tried to obfuscate this give-away, to give people a better chance to win.
  • Making it this far at least shows me you've really tried and at least I'll be giving this SBD to someone worthy.
  • Or maybe not worthy, but at least dedicated.
  • Or persistent. Pig-headed.
  • Intentions are more important than actions, right?
  • The road to heaven is paved with some mediocre intentions.
  • Make sure you have the best intentions!
  • There is a deadline. Telling you the deadline would be stupid.
  • I am many things. Even stupid at times. But not right now.
  • Anyone with some deductive skills will now know the deadline.
  • I am looking forward to picking the winner.
  • I will accept bribes.
  • I don't think this is worse than those bizarre writing contests where people expect you to write advertisement for some kind of product with a slight possibility for you to 'win' some money for it.
  • If you work for it, you shouldn't have to 'win' your wage.
  • This is just my opinion of course. Obviously this is not true, otherwise nobody would write real things on steemit.
  • Oh, wait.
  • I cannot deny or admit whether bribes are or are not part of the conditions.
  • Spam comments on this post will be nuked into oblivion.
  • I will share one part of the conditions only: Other people have no say about the conditions.
  • In case of many bribes, I might decide to throw in more SBD, divided over more than one person.
  • It is better to make more people happy than just one person, some silly people say.
  • Obviously that is all wrong.
  • Especially in this case.
  • Because the only way to earn this 50 SBD is to make me happy.
  • Happiness in this case means to have someone fulfill the conditions as described above.
  • I am only one person.
  • QED

Good luck everyone!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

ps. This is an entry for @comedyopenmic, but only because there is some sarcasm in between the lines, not because this give-away is a joke. Jokes and punchlines have very little to do with quality comedy. If only people would finally start to understand that! (There are exceptions, like @diebitch who cannot but write high quality comedy. Even when she writes memes.)
ps. I encourage some other people to join in the giving away of sarcasm for the @comedyopenmic which is a weekly contest now already on round 17, especially the following steemians: @carlgnash and @nonameslefttouse. They both inspired me for this amazing give-away initiative.
ps. Image used from Pixabay.

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I will give you 50SBD if you promise not to make me re-read this post. My head hurts. Where is my Procold?

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I promise!

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But if you don't give me 50SBD, you will have to re-read it.

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Watch out for 1000 Jerry Banfield Coins soon to be wired to your account. You be free to convert.

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Agreed, I have a headache just from trying to get through that

I follow you, Now give me upvote fast.

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At least some of the conditions are met. But unfortunately you need to put in more effort. Nothing is for free, right?

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I found your blog informative, go check out my blog . I write home work about pigs.
Check it now!

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I actually thought you were serious 😂

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Please don't laugh about it. Thinking is a serious business. Even if you're wrong. Maybe it's even more serious then!

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Please don't laugh about it. Thinking is a serious business. Even if you're wrong. Maybe it's even more serious then!

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Duly Noted M'lady

Not only am I impressed with this sexy bullet point list, but
envy the brains and intelligence that is clearly behind it.
Vicariously I will live through you by following your
every move.
Real genius can be found between the

green logo of Steemit.com.
Oh! To be a fly on the wall
near this genius as she creates!
Nearly
all my life I've longed to be that

girl. But will
I ever be?
Vexxing, I know.
Ever wonder why? Or How?

You probably have.
Omniscient in your ways, knowing our
underlying desires... Dangling them

under our noses. But... have I tricked you,
Princess? 😎

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I'm with you. Not giving up either.
We're here for the long run. Beyond all plummeting of crypto-illusions
Achrosticons Forever!

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I sigh with relief.

Though upon coming back and reading this after sleep... I coulda done better. Got some double words in there...
Come on, Carrie! Use your thesaurus! It's your friend!

But I'm glad to know we're not deserters. I had a feeling. 😎

Don't give me 50 SBD because I am too stupid to fulfill your conditions.

Instead please donate to @comedyopenmic with a special prize in your name to support your narcissus ego.

Then you may be a little closer to being 'happy'

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That is a great idea. Unfortunately I just delegated some SP to @comedyopenmic some minutes ago... so I'm afraid all my magnanimity is used up for now.
But I'd be happy to accept someone else to donate to @comedyopenmic to put up a prize in my name.
You're welcome!

We are all stupid for trying to get some of those SBD but, why not? yes we want to for being to clever of making bribes to someone who considered herself as a stupid persone but the true it's that she's not, because she likes to make us read betwen lines so, thats really clever or really obvious? Don't worry this is not an answer, this is a freewrite that she also hates doing like me but, who can provide the right answer? The right person that makes her laught or makes her cry of happines. We will never know for sure. The end!... or not... maybe we do have to do some killing or just killing time reading again and again... It's that really what this is all about?... Maybe thats what this is: a fun but painfully joke or not?.. Now this is the end of it!

I was looking for rules like crazy, good tactic to attract beggars hahahahaha.

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good tactic to attract beggars hahahahaha

It certainly did attract me. But guess what? It was all in vain, because like a cruel trick I came here expecting wealth after being promised 50 SBD and well, you know the rest of the story.

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Yeah, it's sad and horible history .

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I'm not sad! So clearly, you must be doing something wrong!

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I think so :|

Where is my share of the sbd

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I just transferred it to you!

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Lol, oh it 100SBD Thank you very much

Loading...

looks around

such an empty and forsaken wasteland

somewhere 50 SBD lies buried

starts digging again

I want my 5 minutes back .. or 50 SBD

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Fair enough. I also want this. But I learn to live with the disappointment. I hope you can do the same. If this doesn't work, I can recommend you to some great psychologist.

money, transfer, now

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I'm still waiting...

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you have to send a processing fee first. 5sbd

May your endeavors prove fruitful

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Thanks. the first prize was already transferred. Not to you, though. Sorry.

Soooooooooo.....no one is getting that 50 SBD?

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So far nobody met the conditions.
Which is not unexpected, as they are quite high. It's doable, but anybody expecting something for nothing will have to read those physic books again.

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Macroeconomics too. No such thing as a free lunch!

You are a nut, @nobyeni! That said, this is very clever and I wish the best of luck to the contestants.

Here is my attempt at winning your heart. A bribe! If you pick me, I will be your editing slave for two solid months. This means I will read anything and everything you send my way for critique, provide insights and suggestions for how to improve your writing voice and polish your work so that publishers will be knocking down your door and begging for more! Rubs hands together with glee.

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Oh, this is a lovely bribe, thank you. You do know how bribes work, though? You need to hand them over first, before you know the outcome. Otherwise it's just a kind of buying. There is no fun in that.
But I'll wait to see if anyone can over-bribe you, before I commit myself to anything. Looking forward to all your insights though!

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I'd throw in some money to pay for the door :|

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You’re so kind, @carn!

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I...um... I didn't mean I'd throw in the money...

Maybe she can just use the towel...

Oh your sbd can help me alot to grow ,maybe i fulfill all your conditions

I'm hungry enough to eat the pig on @idikuci's profile photo.

Hi I’m entering your contest, super looking forward to winning, and also I’m formally notifying you that I have already bribed you but you don’t know how yet. Also I will edit your posts for precisely one day longer than the other person who has offered. But that’s just a bonus on top of my superior bribe.

Oh my gosh, this was too funny! I was about halfway through when I was like "Yeah, I expect this from a Blockhead, but this is getting absurd and then I looked at the URL and saw the Comedy Open Mic bit and I was like "Oh, you d o g !"

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ok you get 50% for 50sbd now where'e the joke again?

May the scintillations of his wit be like the coruscations of summer lightning, lambent but innocuous
- Reverend Edward Meyrick Gou

GIVE ME RIGHT NOW

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If I would give it to you just like that, would the sbd be worth any?

No.

Oh wait, I already won some SBD with that one-word comment (not 50, but still). Let me think. I can give you a great deal on some EOS, might be worth something one day...

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That might just be the winning comment...

I find myself at the precipice of insanity, forced by obligation to read all the bullet points as if they were the most important things in the world. Even though I was ready to give up when I saw words that I would have to read, and not Memes, I swallowed down the bile in my throat and crashed through one-after-the-other. I felt my mind going several time during the descent into the insanity; however, I survived and I thrived, thanks to my unswerving devotion to the Money.

Ok, I actually just continued reading because I thought, for sure, that there would be some subliminal joke embedded in the words... I was right. The embedded joke was on me, because the joke was watching my own pain as I kept on reading with no hint of Treasure at the end.

Therefore, without further ado, I should win because I'm just that awesome.

Game Over!

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@nobyeni, hai F4F vote 4 vote and resteem all post of me. I forgot this requirement.

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No problem. Appreciated you trying to right the wrong here. Game On!

I hope you give me SBD, because I want to buy STEEM POWER to help other steemians.
Thank you @nobyeni

So, back when I was in college, I had a roommate named Chris. This dude was my best friend for 4 years. One time I chased him down 8 flights of steps, out the door at the bottom, and he did a header right there. We couldn't stop laughing. Another time we pulled a giant wooden fence off the side of a dumpster and he ended up pinned under it. Again - the laughter that followed hurt my sides. There are more stories, but you get the idea. This dude was somewhat clumsy, and also a really good friend with a great sense of humor.

When I left college I thought we'd stay friends and we did. For a time. In the end though, he had all these kids and they're going off to college in a few years, and I moved to Hawaii for a few years and we lost touch. I still call him twice a year, and three times in a rare year, when the Steelers play the Ravens to let him know the Ravens are going down and that's an important call.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you need someone to point a gun at your head and force you to be happy, I'll do it, but I'll need to borrow a gun. Do you have one?

I gave up reading halfway through the title. Good luck with whatever this.

  • I read some of your post
  • I wanted to stop reading
  • I kept reading anyways
  • Why Keep reading you ask ?
  • For the madness ...
  • I think your conditions are hidden in that dribble
  • Followed
  • Upvoted
  • resteemed using @steemblast.com
  • upvoted with micro-bot
  • I like your Idea for this post and applaud your madness
  • Bananas

P.S. My bribe is super dooper secret but also very awesome. In fact its so secret that I don't even know what it is.

And t he moral little kids is... Always read the small letters AND SPECIALLY the parenthesis.
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Never read the red letters because that's too socialist.
  • I simply love logical nonsensical contests, hence my full attention is given to fail dismally at not winning this contest.

  • How wonderful of you to draw us into a brief article of sizable length, in which the scantily presented full details, helps us back to the beginning.

  • You needn't have further eased our task, by muddying murky waters, where the facts were already as clear as obscure, by using words like 'obfuscate.'

  • thanks for the sincere lack of apology, predicated by the absence of substance, which completely validates the overwhelming basis upon which this contest is securely founded.

  • concerning your quiet rant on ontological matters; the same has a reoccurring fatal flaw, in that the ever growing 'great being' may be viewed in a perpetuity of limited mirrors, increasingly growing into infinity by halving statures...

  • It would be amiss of me not to comment on the issue of bribery (although I do admit it insufficiently suffices) - Let us never be bribed to sell ourselves short of what we are truly worth; all others are acceptable!!

  • So, while you ponder the fullness of my equally empty lines, let me proceed with vigor to the explore the fascination and wonder of the emptiness of life (and possibly challenge)....

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50 SBD can be given to me. I have been working at Steemit for 1 month but I can not do anything. I can not invest the steemit because I am a middle class family member. 50 SBD will give me a lot of benefit if you give it. And I can go a long way in steemit with 50 SBD given to you.

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And I can go a long way in steemit with 50 SBD given to you.

So true! Better give that SBD to her ASAP.

Ha ha, very clever indeed :o)

I give you upvote you give me SBD, ok? I think that's a fair trade, plus I'll invest it for you...remember you promised me you're available 24/7 so I'll be waiting ;-)

@nobyeni no body is trying to have a look into good side of your post ........ The point is not only about 50 sbd giveaway the point here is that you made so many people interact with each other put their point and convey something which they like in you. I have personally seen many people buttering whales to get a big upvote even if they just writing two words good morning...... Thanks @nobyeni for arranging this so interesting contest !!

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Exactly. Making people think and think about something else is a very good thing to do. Maybe all the commenters should send me 50 sbd due to my effort here!

I am pig-headed.. does that make me a winner then?

I'm not following this. What is this...? Is this for real? Sarcasm? Sarcasm over sarcasm? Does that doubles it or cancels it? Hey!:

Okay, this is going in directions I hadn't expected. It's what happens with freewrites.
It's also what I hate about freewrites. At least in its published form.

Yes! This I understand! I relate even... oh:

Okay, to be honest, I edited this list to pieces, but I left in the freewrite bit as it is correct.

Okay. Yes. Back to not understanding.

Anyone with some deductive skills will now know the deadline.

Is there some code in this? IIINAIIITWIIITOOBBW.... yeah, probably not hidden in the first letter of each point. Too easy.

This post infused me with a weird momentum and now inertia is keeping me writing in a similar fashion. Weird.

I still don't get it. Might have to read this later. More awake. Mentally prepared.

Yeah. I'll do that.

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Glad to be of service. Keep up the good work :)

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Keep up the good work! Being confused is the first step towards something.

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A mental breakdown? O.O

@nobyeni has anyone figured it out yet?

I'm not trying to win 50 sbd, and I found this post too late to upvote it.
You already made ME happy by posting the awesome Ezra Pound and (Starts with P, the Dutch author, and your own translation to English) - and your short story, with Grandpa's "The One" most important thing to bring when fleeing to a new planet. I am smitten with your writing and your way of thinking. (And I'm a happily married grandma, so, no need to freak out if I'm fan-girling; it's what I do!) Just - thank you for bring so much GOOD to Steemit! Like that list. Oh man, I love this:
Okay, this is going in directions I hadn't expected. It's what happens with freewrites.
It's also what I hate about freewrites. At least in its published form.

Okay, to be honest, I edited this list to pieces, but I left in the freewrite bit as it is correct.
LOL!
I always edit my freewrites before posting them for public consumption.
As for open mic comedy and whatnot, I'm allergic to podcasts, live talk, headphones, and tech.... **Poof (Keangaroo hops off, fast fast, for fear of coming too close to a microphone)

I will accept bribes.

noby.jpg

It is better to make more people happy than just one person, some silly people say.
Obviously that is all wrong.
Especially in this case.
Because the only way to earn this 50 SBD is to make me happy.

noby2.jpg

I am only one person.
QED

Yeah... No two people could have agreed on how to write this...um...trainwreck masterpiece of philosophy.

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P.S. please follow and upvote me

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P.P.S. I forgot to mention in my memo that I offer a very good resteem service. Only 0.13 Steem or SBD!