Fuck I hate this.

You're allowed to bold that beautiful.

This isn't your fault. I hate knowing my kids are experiencing the types of things that can be avoided but that I have no control over. My court paperwork specifically says I'm not allowed to discuss the court case with them.

I told the lawyer, "I don't lie to my kids. They count on that. So if they ask me questions, I will have to tell them I'm prevented by law from answering it."

There was nothing she could say to that.

It's sooooo not right they won't let you ask certain things, how they won't even address the concerns of the child, and let alone how you cannot take the confusion away.

You have every right be angry. Every right. It's in these moments, I turn to God because I have nothing left to turn to. He catalogs all the wrongs against the kids. All of them. He doesn't forget. (I don't understand why He allows it to begin with, but that is an issue between me and Him.)

I feel your pain. You aren't alone.