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RE: Forthechildren: For my children
She seems to be very happy Kitty and I KNOW she is, because I know you. It makes me so sad to read you had to give up so many, so did I. I have tears in my eyes, because of what you do for your children and also because I partly know what you have been trhough!
It makes me cry as well and to be honest all the sacrifices does not make me feel better at all. Well you know what I mean. There simply does not seem to be any room for me in this life.
Yes, I know. But you HAVE TO claim your room in this life, you have the right to, at least as much as anyone else! But I know what you mean, I've been there too. Because of your youth, you may think that you are a bad person and you don't deserve anything. That is what they teached you... I'm past that point now and I hope one day you will too!
I do not think I am a bad person. I simply think and know by experiences there is no room for me in this life.
Ok, I apologize. I jumped the conclusions. I'm sorry. But even then, it's a sad thought. If I speak for myself; I always have been so unhappy, maybe it was better if I never was born. But that's not a happy thought either...
It is not a happy thought but it is also good to admit these thoughts exist and do exist forva reason. As a little child I was quiet sure I am adopted. I never liked my mom so I also never blamed her for disliking me. She blamed me for all the bad things in her life, including my dad leabing her. I told her if she would have taking anti conception I would not be born. I still believe that would not have been such a bad thing at all. Again I am taken responsible for other people their misery. Each time I am surprised about that again.
I think your parents and other 'adult' people made you responsible for their feelings, I know they did because I read a lot of your stories. My dad did that too. And that's so wrong! Because later on you still believe you are responsible for what other people are going through. At least that's what happened to me.
But you 'must' blame your mother for disliking you! You were a child, she was an adult, she chose to have you! You didn't chose her.
I guess it is something most parents/people do.. blaming their children/others instead of themselves. I doubt my mother did choose me