What does hunger feel like?
I’m trying to figure out if I’m hungry. You’d think I’d know, that this would be easy for me. But it’s not, and it never has been.
I’m either so hungry it hurts or I’m just not sure. Throughout my life, food was applied like a bandaid. It soothed bodily boo boos and hurt feelings alike. It was, like books, an escape. I often paired it with books like others pair cheese and wine.
I was never taught portion control or how to balance a meal. I never learned to stop eating before I felt full or even after. What I learned was how to fill myself to keep the pain out. When puberty settled on my body, so did nearly 50 extra pounds. I went from fit to heavy. It was hard to move, breathe or enjoy. So I ate.
My weight hit its peak during my third pregnancy. Once my daughter was born, I began the work to undo years of poor habits. It took two years, but I lost 100 pounds. Then I experienced injury and gained back 30. Today, I’m within 10 pounds of my healthiest weight. I say “healthiest” because it is not my lowest, nor is it my recommended weight. It is the number at which my body feels and functions best.
Am I hungry?
This is an important question. I track my food through an app on my phone. It helps me know when not to eat and keeps me accountable; it ensures that I do eat. This is also important because I have a history of starving my body when sad or stressed. If I eat now, I need to plan for what I will or won’t eat later. My goal is not to lose weight. It’s to eat without bingeing. That’s the flip side of starving. I am an all-or-nothing eater.
I am hungry. I can feel it now—the empty space of my stomach. This is no false message to eat. It might have been. I am anxious. My body is sore. I am overtired. Sleepy also feels like hungry. But scrolling through my app shows I had a tablespoon of peanut butter over an hour ago. That was a small snack. It’s time for something bigger.
Is it this hard for everyone, I wonder? My eldest son struggles to properly identify hunger, but that is a neurological difference he was born with. My other two, they leave in the middle of meals coming back to nibble if hunger strikes. They were born knowing.
The energy I put into feeding myself is exhausting. I want it to be easier, but I’m also proud of how much I’ve learned about my needs and how far I’ve come in meeting them. I have not had a disordered eating relapse for five months. I have lost 20 pounds. My strength and endurance have increased considerably. And the only thing I changed was tracking my food.
It used to frustrate me to have to ask myself whether or not I am hungry. Now it comforts me. And since I am hungry, it is time to eat.
image from pixabay.com
It's never been applied like a bandaid in my life. For me that was alcohol. Yet I've never been able to control my hunger. If I was hungry, I'd eat until I felt suitably full. I also had extreme anxiety, and that helped keep the weight down. I smoked heavily and ran lots. Now? I'm relaxed, I don't smoke and I drive. I've piled on the pounds like nothing. I'm fastly realising that I need to slim soon
It's strange how we can couple unhealthy habits with the image of health and healthy habits with the reverse. Anxiety has always been a reason to eat--I tried to push it down with food. In recent years, it is difficult to eat when anxious. It's fascinating what that can do in the body. Good luck with your personal goals. I think happiness is the key to health.
Thanks. I think so too :)
This I can relate to. Food has always been some sort of a weapon for me. I used food since such an early age. I just never ate, as I have always knew it made you fat. I am now a survivor of bulimia. Although under stress it's very easy to fall back in to the binging and purging. So yes iner happiness is key most of life hurdles.
So many of us have such a complicated relationship with food, especially women. I too find myself reaching for a (usually unhealthy) snack out of non-hunger emotions. What app do you use to track your food intake? I find Fit Bit's in-app food tracker to be too time-consuming to keep up with. Good post!
I use MyFitnessPal. I didn't know Fit Bit had a tracking option! I'm happy with the app I use. Just got a notification I've been using it five months and haven't missed a day. Whoa!
I think there are different scale of hunger. From little hunger to starving hunger. I think eating is not bad if you eat healthy and propriet food. Good apetite!
Very true. Making healthier choices has the benefit of easing false appetite as well.
I'm pretty sure I'm just always hungry 🙄
I think many feel this way! 😊
Boy oh boy... this is a tough one for me too. It's difficult for me to balance food as a reward, comfort, tiredness, anger or hurt. I don't know how it happened that eating went from just sustainability to "D, all of the above type answer". I work on it everyday... finding your writing about it helps.
I'm so happy to be any type of support! I think many of us have troubled food relationships. And maybe some of us genuinely don't understand our bodies' signals on the instinctive level? Or maybe the instinct is coping and food is the method. Hmm. Thinking about this.
I have a pretty solid relationship with food, and I appreciate that because I know others do not.
But I am also an emotional eater. I find it helps if I acknowledge it: "This situation will look brighter after I have a cookie." If it does, win! If not, I consciously move on to another solution.
I love how you take ownership by clearly articulating the thought. I learned that as a parenting technique-to reflect the idea/emotion back to the child. I think it is so useful for us to do for ourselves because we engage the heart of the matter when we do.