Magical Mushroom Burger Feast

Fried mushrooms on a smashed burger patty, surrounded by toasted buns, and laced with delicious spices.

You're in for a luxurious treat that'll leave you euphoric.

Here are the ingredients you'll need. Don't taste 'em before you make 'em.
It could leave you unable to finish this feast.

Ingredients:

Finest steak, and the finest blender. Or just preground hamburger.
Variety of delicious mushrooms from your local grocery store.
Fresh sprig of rosemary, and a bundle of basil.
As well as fresh onion and garlic.
Highest quality artisan hamburger buns. Bigger is better, and sesame seeds are welcome.
High quality butter. Salted or not.
Pink Himalayan salt.
English Cheddar cheese.
Rose-tinged lettuce. Let it be beautiful and fragrant.
One large, ripe tomato.
One piece of bacon.
Pollen rich honey.
Pure virgin olive oil.
Cucumber or pickles,
And of course, psychedelic magic mushrooms. Just a bit.

The process:

First, let's start with the mushrooms.

After you've bought all your favorite fresh mushrooms, slice them up into chips.
Thin, delicious little chips. It's fine if you don't normally like mushrooms.

This is a "Mushroom Virgin Killer" sort of treat. You'll like 'em after this.

So slice them thin, and then get out a small pan. Butter it up with a generous chunk of butter, and place in a spoonful of honey, as well as a few big glugs of olive oil. Chop up some onion very fine, as well as garlic and some rosemary, and add them to the pan. Chop up your bacon too, if you want bacon in this, and add that to the pan also. Toss in your grocery-store bought mushrooms you've sliced, and begin frying.

At about the halfway point, just after you start seeing the first hints of char on your non-magic shrooms, chop up your magic mushrooms. Fine, or not so fine. It doesn't matter much here. Toss 'em into the pan, and continue frying, until the other mushrooms have reached a deliciously golden brown look. They shouldn't be mushy mushrooms anymore, but rather, delicious crunchrooms.

The magic shrooms shouldn't be cooked very well, to ensure potency.

Filter the oil out, and store your mushroom chips for later.

Put your hamburger buns in the oven at the lowest heat, just to warm them lightly.

As for the steak, remove the bones, and place it into your blender. I hope your blender can handle this.

I personally have a very hardcore blender, and it'll make hamburger out of a steak easily, but if you don't have the tools, you'll be fine just buying preground hamburger meat, and mixing the spices in, if you blend them individually first. But I'm assuming you have the tools for the job, so let's go.

Put the steak into the blender, along with a few peeled cloves of garlic, some onion slices, as well as rosemary, basil leaves, a bit of butter, a thin slice of your finest cheddar cheese, and some olive oil. If you have any magic mushroom left, add some to this as well, along with some of your pink salt.

Grind it until it's hamburger, then form it into patties. Get out your cooking hammer, and smash them flat. Smash 'em as hard as you want. Get them nice and flat, and make plenty of them.

Douse a pan with olive oil, and throw in some garlic powder, onion powder, and even some chile de arbol powder as well, if you have any, plus a nice chunk of butter. Let it heat up until sizzling, then turn up the heat, and throw in your patties.

Remember: This ain't McD's. This is steak. Cook it hot, and cook it expedited. Let's not ruin the meat here, right?

So let the fire below the pan rage until the burger patties are perfectly charred on the outside, but still fresh and untouched by the fires on the inside, and then get your buns out of the oven.

Get out a fine, white plate, and give it a splash of balsamic vinegar, if you've such an aesthetic inclination.

Place your bottom bun on the plate, and top with a thin layer of your English cheddar cheese. Place your first burger patty upon it. On top of that, mushrooms, and your caramelized onion mix go in. Delicious. Add a thin slice of cheese on top of those mushrooms, and then add another hot burger patty, right on top. Then add your tomato, and a few fresh cucumber slices. Add another slice of cheese. And then one more still-sizzling burger patty, and upon that, another slice of cheese, and your lettuce.

The cheese holds it together, melting into the mushrooms to keep them from slipping off, and it keeps your tomato and cucumbers a bit more cool, although it's still bound to melt all over it. The cheese below the lettuce will dutifully ooze between the leaves, sticking to the top bun, keeping the whole thing together perfectly.

So place on your top bun, and if there are no sesame seeds, fix that by rubbing the top of your bun with a stick of butter, then throwing a pinch of sesame seeds onto it. If they stick, you did it right. If not, at least they'll look beautiful intermingling with the balsamic vinegar on the plate.

And there you have it. After eating, make sure you won't be driving, or operating any other heavy equipment.

Have a relaxing night inside, sipping wine with your lover, or at a campfire under the stars.

Enjoy.

~Kitten