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RE: From "Ragnarok Conspiracy"; Part One, Chapter 8 (draft)

in #flashfiction7 years ago

Original text:

As Xavier was about to catch up with her, she started climbing a strange three that had huge hand sized wooden thorns all over it, allowing her climbing to go too fast for Xavier to catch up with. The tree though had a trunk that was just seventeen or eighteen centimeters in diameter. No match for the Haitian Ogre! Xavier jumped through the air in a powerful and agile kick and as his foot forcefully hit the thorny three, the proud tree broke as it had been nothing but a thin reed. As Xavier landed on the solid ground again, his hand took hold of a thin tree that he used to reverse his direction. Then he jumped up into the air again one fluent agile and feline move and snatched the falling witch out of the air, landing on top of her.

To make the paragraph flow more smoothly, several changes (from the boldface) should be made:

  • three -> tree, hand sized -> hand-sized, again one -> again with one
  • though: Either stick a comma in immediately after that (The tree though, had a trunk...), or move it to the end of sentence (The tree had a trunk... in diameter though.)

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