Letter Again [my entry to Finish the Story Contest - WEEK #41

in #finishthestory6 years ago

finishTheStory01.jpg

This is my entry to @bananafish contest Finish the Story Contest - WEEK #41!.
Point of contest is to finish the beginning story with 500 words limit.



This week the original story was written by @tristancarax.

Hunt More Precious than a Green Stone

by @tristancarax


I watched Belinda getting onto the cable car that was headed up the hill. Quickly, I ran and jumped onto the back as the cable car began to pull away.

I would have had trouble with the ticket agent if it wasn’t for the gun in my hand and the badge on my belt. He backed off with a quiet stare. Following my gaze, he was bewitched by Belinda’s beauty. He darted after me. She had this effect on men of weak mind. I would have fallen off if it wasn’t for the bar slamming up against my back. Tossing the man off the trolley, his body cracked and thudded as he rolled down the hill. A blood-soaked street ...

I turned my attention back to Belinda. Fuck! She’d vanished. That fucking prick! I’d been hunting down this woman for weeks with no luck. I’d have no clue as to where to scour next if it wasn’t for the letter I found at my feet addressed to me.

It was 3 a.m. when I arrived back to my flea-infested motel. A new record for me as the days without sleep turned into weeks of nightmares. Insomnia is a bitch.

The Captain at the precinct had kept me longer than expected. He was viscerally upset when my employer had spoken to him over the phone. ”What do you mean ‘set him free?’” the captain protested. ”This man of yours just killed a man, for no apparent reason, with a slew of witnesses around,” his voice rose a little louder, becoming squeaker, ”and I’m to let him go?” His eyes darted in my direction. I saw him about to crack. ”What am I supposed to tell the press?” My employer ensured him that he’d take care of the press if the precinct did its job and labelled the body bag with the tag ”DNI” (Do not investigate).

Reluctantly, the Captain released me. My employer had ties to power most would never dare touch. Those who dared to challenge him were usually found with a couple missing body parts in the middle of town or possibly at the bottom of a flight of stairs. ”Unsolved” murder/suicides were abound. This place was beyond crooked.

I sat down on the bed. I finally had time to get to the letter I’d hidden in my trench coat pocket that was hidden beneath a pocket. This pocket had saved a few useful items in the past when I’d gotten into trouble for the blatant disregard for life.

Other than the obvious clue ”Addressed to you, Detective,” she had left a kiss mark, formed from the blue lipstick she wore.

I slapped my neck. ”Fucking fleas!”

Opening the letter, I read:

Dear Detective,

I know why you don't sleep at night. I've watched you in your half-hazy sleep toss and turn. Yes, I've done my research. You thought I didn't know about you? No matter.

Pay attention.

Your awakening is coming. You first have to chase this mouse a few more times around the block before your mind will be free enough to see that the shadow and the light cannot be without the other.

You have been to the Garden. Follow the smell. Seek the maid who is more precious than a green stone.

Your employer is banking on the life you've lead up until this very moment.

A sweet kiss, Detective.

There was a knock at my door.

My ending:

Letter again


Who could be that?

Garden... Smell... Maid... I was straining my brain too much. Long time ago a friend of mine told me that brain has to be relaxed. We have to let the brain to find solution itself. If we force the brain, no problem will be solved. We have to relax and let the brain to do what has to. Sometimes, solution comes itself.

Another knock at my door. I didn't want to open immediately. I decided to wait that the one behind the door to introduce. Something told me that I have o wait, and solution will show itself. For every case Silently I took my gun and laid it on my knee, to shoot if I had to. Time became slower at every moment of waiting. Actually, I had an impression that the time stopped. But, instead of introduction, the envelope was pushed into my room under the door. And than I heard steps gone through hallway.

It was another letter.

I know you're in the room. Light is near. Don't lose the chance!

I went to the window where I had good view of the entrance and the garden. Maid went out into the street, stood on the sidewalk, and then looked up at my window. Light was off in my room, and I was standing behind dirty curtain, so she couldn't see me. By point finger she gave me sign that she knows I'm looking her. I felt fleas pulled under my trouser leg.

White car was passing the street, dropped down its window, and than three shots were heard. Maid fell to the ground. I opened the window, walked out and went down the gutter. White car turned to the next street. Maid's neck was bloody, and shirt soaked with blood on the chest. She was dead. I pulled back the gun slide and run across the street. The white car accelerated. I ran through the block in hopes of reaching the car by a shortcut. Strong car siren echoed, than creaking of brakes and... Bam!

When I arrived there, I saw the white car hit the pillar. Windshield was pierced from inside. Belinda was lying in front of the white car, bloody and dead. There was another car down the street, broken and overturned.

Sort:  

Belinda needs to learn how to drive! oops. Too late. Dead after killing the made. Nice job.

I loved your musings about the necessity of letting the brain "breathe". I think it has to do with the power of intuition that can be born from a certain state of mind. I can't help wonder what it would have happened if the detective wasn't so cautious about the knocking at the door. It's nice to have you in our family of fiction writers @vasigo.. welcome and keep it up!

A true detective who knows better than to wrack his mind trying to force a solution, but instead turns it over until it comes together.You play into the back ground of the character really well, showing his experience through this actions, and i really like that it is another letter. I wonder where the maid would have led him, if she hadn't been got to first. The well planned actions of the detective and Belinda in the first half, that you then pull through in your second half, makes for a perfect contrast to the accident in the end. No matter how much effort they may have both gone to, her ultimate fate was one neither of them had seen coming - it just works so well. An ending filled with intrigue and mystery, carrying the details from the freest half, and setting a new tone for a second half. Very glad to have you aboard!

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