X Marks the Spot
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5 years ago in #finishthestory by tristancarax (66)
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I think I had to read this three times and this unexpected twist hit my head too right in the middle of my eyes (but the watermelon is still intact, more or less).
I'm sooo happy you were able to survive (loading syringe with strychnine). Come closer and tell me all about it.
Stay away.
Will do. Thanks. lol
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Damn, Uncle Jon's too strong and clever for his age. How old was he?
The end with the treasure, the teeth. Creepy!
At least around 60 years-of-age. I had in mind different serial killers that had their personalities split by the crimes they've done.
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I laughed a little at the end, with those dentures in storage.
Terry, Mike and Derek planned their supposed robbery so much, to fall into the game of cat and mice, that finally they didn't eat cheese but excrement.
I did good if I can make people laugh at a horror story. lol Maybe this piece is more comical than I think.
Goes to show that you'd better do your research before going after some "frail" old dude.
Kinda reminds me of that movie, Dont Breathe? I love that his treasure box contains nothing but teeth :D Clatter, clatter!
The teeth's trope is always a must.
You know, I'm not much of a horror person beyond listening to "The Last Podcast on the Left," which is pretty horrific. I'm surprised I allow myself to write this way at times. I think has helped to write this way so that I can get it out of my head. This month has been pretty weird in the way that people are acting.
I have not seen "Don't Breathe," but it does look interesting.
Thanks for stopping by.
@veryspider, yo, I had to check out "Don't Breathe" because the reviews were good and I've got to say - DAMN! That was a trip! Probably one of the best horror flicks I've ever seen in my life. So many good twists and turns that didn't come as expected from a typical horror flick. I could feel for the blind man and understand a little of what he was experiencing. Thanks for name drop.
Hahah, I'm glad you enjoyed it :D It is a nice and short little horror flick~
Ahhh i just love this! Under estimating the uncle, him being all the monster he was set up to be, and more, there is a real skill in how you never actually say what he did to Terry, and you don't have to. And damn, how they underestimated him! Not as easy a target as they thought, I like how you set it up, that this was a trap the uncle laid, and they walked into blind.
The actual ending is really well done. It's a hard thing to convey in fiction, not something I have got to grips with yet, although I have tried and missed it a couple of times, so I am hoping you will bear with me
cos this was a fantastic roller coaster, and I really enjoyed just being a part of it, and i want to understand how you achieved it, that dialogue is some real flawless internal external mixed representation that shows someone struggling with voices so very well. In that last bit, does she take over, and hit him with the frying pan, and kill one of the personalities, then leave? That's what I felt like, but then I am not sure if I am projecting a bit and maybe missing something, and please forgive me if i am cos my head is like a swamp this week and the end result here is so wonderful, i want to make sure I haven't missed anything trying to take notes for myself. <3
The box of teeth, damnnnnnnn, I really love that... I mean who's most precious possession isn't their box of assorted people teeth right? haha
Would you mind explaining a little further what you mean in the second sentence (love the bear):
I'm so very happy that you were able to pick up on the external-internal factors happening here. I wasn't sure if that was coming across as I had hoped being that it was a monolog, which I've been wanting to try for quite some time.
I think part of how I achieved this is by listening to "The Last Podcast on the Left" for the last couple of years. I'm not really a horror type of person, although I have liked learning about serial killers in the fun and interesting ways this podcast speaks about them. I've noticed that some of my own thinking tends to parallel the psychopaths at times, especially when I'm being extremely hard on myself for things done in the past that I'm not proud of or I'm on an emotional downswing, as I do tend to be a self-harmer. - I, also, used to question if I was a psychopath heavily, but, no I'm not. I just have no compulsion and/or desired to take people's lives. I'll take myself out first before that happens.
You're close to what I had in my head. Let me attempt to clear that up.
From what I've come to understand about some serial killers is that they often times will have split personalities do to trauma from childhood, brain injuries, and the like. The picture I had in my head was that he was fighting this internal voice throughout the scene. Some serial killers will not touch their families - leaving people in awe and shock when they come to find out about the monster who fooled them into thinking they were a great person. Unfortunately for Terry, he was targeted but saved only because of this internal voice that held his Uncle at bay.
Where the external woman comes in is where I pictured a real person somehow getting free from bondage somewhere inside of the house/castle/hotel and then taking the time to finish him off as a way to keep him coming for her later on.
May I have your ...
haha!!!
Someone hearing voices, I am always drawn to a more internal perspective and it doesn't work this well to convey that's what's going on.
Oooo interesting, I am not so into podcasts, just for lack of listening chance, if I have time I tend to prefer documentaries, more blood then 😉 I have always found serial killers fascinating. So that's the podcast with the stuff about murders and split personality? I knew untreated schizophrenia has lead to those sort of breaks but I didn't think split personality was actually that common. I might have to check it out anyway. I knew someone who was adamant I had it but at the time there were very few documented cases, still don't think I do but then maybe that's exactly what someone would say haha. Psychopathy has more places at the board room table than in prison these days anyway, but having legit known one, pretty confident you're safe ;)
Oooooo I like that, I had thought it was the same voice that had kept Terry safe (ish), it does work as either, it is sadder as a voice, I think I prefer your intended ending, a survivor breaking free and taking out the uncle. It adds to the realism, but also the gravity of the situation they got themselves into!
That was my impression too, that she was in his head until she escaped.
I might be scareder of that frying pan woman than I am of John and his creepy box of teeth.
ETA: Also the three of them are fools if they stayed one second longer there to check out the treasure box rather than getting out as quick as they could.
Moral of the story: Don't piss women off.
Isn't that just called "Great Hollywood Writing?" 8-)
That's it, boys, pack it in. We've solved the mysteries of life and writing in one afternoon.
I saw the HH Holmes Murder Hotel picture, and wasn't disappointed.