RE: The Package (Finish The Story #49 Entry)
Ah! I feel at home with the Mafia (really art thief) æsthetics crawling around and filling in the empty hole that is the iris of my eye. To feel not only a contemporary setting carried forth to the prompt’s closer, l’fin, but to see the child unscathed as the tensions still grip our main character and we the hapless ghosts, us readers is est, watch by. Your jester work has done the prompt proud, I could sense the area around the car, the heaving of the art piece (package), the worries steaming from her head, l’creep Harry watching before retreating back into the night and the pistols cocked-n-ready. Tonight she gets to go home, still with a debt on her back but never to worry if she’d get a bullet to her head and her child taken away.
La filosofía: so one might wonder why am I doing this? I merely reacted above but I wish to highlight the fact of thieving. Thieving, thus illegalism, is a serious endeavor that can make and break people alike. For now it makes her but her emotions are always on the fringes of exploding which is reflected quietly with the economic-reductive rationale of the criminal possy. As such, each detail cannot be overlooked or lead thunder starts coursing the air; such stories on thieves always had made their lives the hardest and I can feel the weight present.
La forma: Good story-crafting and wordsmithing as always. Nothing gets pass the Gal Cal 9000 now does it? :p Well I love the dialogue, the usage of words to make the scenes, the pauses betwixt talking to break the flow into a slower, general speed of conversating and the metonymies crawling about - especially when it’s Shannon-related.
Ooo yeah, I hadn't thought of the artist working for an art thief interpretation, but I tried to leave as much room for projection in there as i could, and very glad that worked for you <3
Hmm interesting, so you read this at her being an art thief selling her wares to the mafia, not as her making replacement art for a thief to leave when they did steal the real thing? I just didn't see either of these as i was writing it so its lovely to hear ideas I didn't think of, and it does very much fit.
I am so sorry, I am going to have to ask you to explain what you mean by "economic-reductive rationale of the criminal possy"? This is actually based on a real life experience, but i do get that I missed the mark again. I have had a bit of good feedback, and can see some ways myself I could have done better, so go on, hit me with it all and I will do my bestest to be brave about it <3
Awww thank you, i am glad you found some things to appreciate here. I think the spacing around dialogue is just something I was taught in terms of how to use dialogue in a story. I am really curious as to what you'd consider metonymies here? Lackeys is for sure, but this is a problem with speaking a language all the time, its hard to tell what trips other readers, so I always like to know when i have used words/terms people didn't know so I can think about how I use those same words in future. <3
Thank you so very much for taking the time to leave this
(Well it did seem convenient as being an art thief, considering the weirdness of the packages. But's that's just me ~^^~)
I will have to read it, but these might be the same thing at the end of the day.
That they only care for economic things and thus don't care of social consequences or "moral-ethics" at all. It's in the name itself!~ <<<<3333
Well I probably should stop spewing things a bit, but things like lackeys and that made me say that. (And just using semi-incompatible definitions like the continuity/displacement of things makes me wish I rephrased it.) <<<<3333
Very much welcome, ~mwah!~ c:
(yeah, everyone seemed to think she was an art thief and that it doesn't quite make sense because i have told it badly as opposed to being something else... but thats good feedback still, i can see how i could have used more words on the ending and less on the build up to tell a complete story that felt more fitting for the first half, so thank you <3)
wait... you left these comments without reading!!! hahaha :p i would say that breaking and entry with actual theft is a slightly different league to illegal reproductions, but then i guess that is a matter of opinion, and i can see how you might see them an interchangeable <3
ahhh now thats good to know, and that's why i wanted to check, cos I was genuinely going for the opposite, the criminal preferring to have her settle the debt with her art; choosing to either let her live in the house for free, or actually pay her rent for her, in return for her sculptures.
Yeah, that was the one i got :p i thought about it when i used it, and googled it to make sure the definition i was using was the top one, as i though some people may not know it. I did oo and ahhh cos it isn't a widely known word, but i figured it has enough precedent with gangster movies for most people to get it, just really curious at to what the others are. I always like to know when i am using one so i can evaluate if it is the best choice given the audience. Well expand away my dear! Love to hear what you think!!
<3<3
(<<<<3333)
I did yah Wingus! I read it! Otherwise, yeah it is easy to slip inbetween the two and it is interchangeable. <3
Yeah, I like stories like that as well as yah described yer story; an interesting parallel can be drawn to the real-world were actual artists starve to get by as artists. Of which the criminality of the landlord/bank can be comparable to the actual art thieves there, using every inch of their artwork as a means to generate revenue to get fat off them. After all, landlords are leeches.
I think we expanded as much as we could, mój Ukochany!~ But good rumination here!~
<<<<3333
Hahaha I know, I was joking cos you said you'd have to read it to say which way you read it :p I would still argue that practically, in terms of how it feels to do them, and the steps involved in committing the two crimes are very different, but on the legality, I can see how an artist would feel as though something copied was 'stolen' even if the original wasn't but kinda irrelevant, as there is no thieving in this story anyway :p
I wanted to play with the debt, and what had started as a sculpture handed over to a scary man to settle a debt had become more 'indebted' - if i had more words I could have used some on showing the difference in her fear, no longer scared for her life despite the obvious dangers, but for him being disappointed in her art. Society let both these people down but in harry, shannon finds her own strength, and in her, he finds his own weakness. It didn't come across so well either but at this point probably safe revealing the meaning I had tried to put in there.
Hmmm okay, I have read it back so many times trying to find the others, and the shannon related ones, but I shall have to leave it as one of the many mysteries of you. <3
I know, but I like busting jokes up more than playing into them. Otherwise, piracy of a copy never really stole the original; just like making a copy of something like a ROM or a .EXE file or a MP3 or something like that. So I agree with yah there, but art thieves Gal Cal and their magical ways!~ :p
Oh I know that, but yes these were less pronounced in the actual ending entry itself that I thought we were accepting that as an undercurrent of the story. Otherwise, yeah more words would've fleshed this out massively and given this a wide expanse of things to actually cover. (One of the many reasons I did expansion posts to begin with!~ :D)
~Good, let's leave it as a mystery~ <3