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RE: Apocalypse, Kindness and Pretzels. Short Story-A finish the story entry

in #finishthestory6 years ago

"Oh but I do. I have learned not only my limits but yours as well."

Bomb!

This is very promising but you change perspective several times and the reader doesn't have time to fully immerse in the action due to these changes. You see that? I would have maintained the point of view of Metatron from a point onward, describing Martinez and the beggar through his eyes... I say this instead than a generic appreciation because I really liked the content!

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Get the point. But the hero here is the third party -Martinez. His contribution it may be miniscule- but that is what helped tip the scales. Apocalypse, KINDNESS and prtezels

Yes and I get yours.. From my reader 's pov, I've to say that the epic part was an immersive and coherent experience and my enthusiasm went there.. the kindness of Martinez maybe can play an unexpected role in the sequel.. that would give it a value. Anyhow, bravo @sarez!

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