Project #1: Series Pilot Concept
"Leviathan" - Characters & Pilot Episode Outline
As I announced here, I'm working on a batch of TV and film scripts and using Steemit as a platform for soliciting feedback and working capital along the way. Here is the first post, to give you an idea of what's in store down the road. This is a 3-page outline for a pilot I'm working on. It begins with a brief description of the central characters and then takes you through the story scene-by-scene. As always, I'm very open to ideas so if something hits you, please feel free to share in the comments bellow.
-CHARACTERS & ORGANIZATIONS-
DAWNSTAR MICROSYSTEMS is a microcircuitry company in Silicon Valley that specializes in payment processing, access control, guidance systems, wetware, and AI.
THE FAITH is a secret society of Luciferian technophiles bent on saving the world by uniting it under an incorruptible god of their own design. They consider themselves the planet's elite stewards and intend to protect it by fixing the human species. They're utilitarian moral relativists.
CAMERON is both the CEO of Dawnstar Microsystems and a member of The Faith. A sociopathic machine of a man, he's conspiring with the head of FEMA to take over the United States and enslave its population with microchip implants. His secret agenda is to install his AI as a benevolent autocrat to manage his implanted population like a god.
DEIRDRE is the lead developer in Dawnstar's AI lab. She manages to remain humble despite her beauty, intelligence, and competence. Though mostly rational and logical, a maternal instinct has been awakened by her latest creation and she can become a ferocious momma bear at the drop of a hat.
ALEC is an extractionist, one who recovers stolen property and rescues people that are being held against their will. For the right price, he'll pull his clients out of any jam, regardless of who has them (yes, he'll even spring you from state custody). A condition of his coverage is that he can tag the person or property in question with a VersaChip microtransponder for tracking purposes. He lives in a modern, minimalistic house that's hidden within the shell of an old, rotting barn outside of the city. Like his home, his outward appearance is deceptive. He presents a pleasantly mellow, mild-mannered persona that's shed when on the job to reveal a swift and efficient professional. His movements are smooth and fluid, his voice is deep and soothing, and he usually prefers to expresses himself through deliberate and meaningful action rather than speech. He prefers analog mechanics over digital software and always seems like he doesn't really want to be wherever he is. He was content enough working on a small scale by himself and will need some time to adjust to his exploding new business and characters around him. He's the rock that keeps the rest of the crew grounded and on course.
RUSS is a Silicon Valley tech nerd that struck it rich when he launched a blackmailing platform that became too popular for its own good. His awkwardly good-natured geek persona hides a savagely ruthless side that comes out from time to time to everyone's shock. He never does anything halfway. When he decides to do something, he does the everloving shit out of it. He's fast, efficient, logical, and brimming with dark humor. To call him "comedy relief" would be a misnomer since he usually ends up making people feel awkward and offended rather than relieved. His extreme measures make perfect sense to him and he never understands why others around him always act so shocked. When others find humor in his ways, he never gets the joke because to him, it isn't one. In short, he eats political correctness and emotional sensitivity for breakfast and shits out radioactive awesomeness. His only fear is of loosing control of himself, which manifests itself in his avoidance of drugs, commitments, and even sleep.
LEVIATHAN is a top-secret autonomous stealth submarine developed by Dawnstar for the US Navy as an answer to soaring labor costs. It was designed to be controlled entirely by the new AI developed in Deirdre's lab. It includes comfortable passenger quarters, a car, an auxiliary submersible, and a gyrocopter.
ACT ONE
Our story begins when RUSS is arrested by the FBI for running an illegal online blackmailing platform. Because terrorists are supposedly using his website, his civil rights are denied in accordance with the provisions of the Patriot Act. Out of options, he activates his subdermal microtransponder, sending a digital cry for help into the heavens.
That night, while Russ is being transported over a bridge in a paddy wagon, ALEC swoops in via paraplane and rescues him with savage efficiency. Stunned bystanders look on with their glowing camera phones as the two outlaws float off the bridge and down to the riverbank together where a BLACK SUV is parked.
They stash the paraplane in the back, climb into the SUV, and waste no time in leaving the city. While Russ is giddy with adrenaline, it's clearly just another day at the office for Alec. In his excitement, Russ impulsively decides that he wants a piece of the action. He offers to invest in Alec's operation to finance some better equipment and to help expand the range of services he offers. Thinking big, he suggests that they could develop a sort of underground railroad for refugees and fugitives like him. Pondering aloud, Alec points out that he would need to establish a network of safehouses, vehicles, and allies, none of which come cheap. Undeterred, Russ offers to contribute the capital and lend any technical expertise that he's able to along the way. If he's gonna be a fugitive, he wants it to be for something worthwhile. Alec agrees and welcomes his new investor aboard.
Alec gets Russ settled into his house and gives him a workstation while they tune into a local news channel to learn that they are now considered domestic terrorists and have been added to the FBI's Most Wanted list. They toast their fame and Russ recommends leveraging it to draw business. Alec agrees and lets his new partner go to work on the new website. Russ promises huge results so Alec logs into his customer account on the Dawnstar Labs website and places a bulk order of transponders with which to tag new clients.
The following morning, Alec's order is processed and readied for pickup or delivery at Dawnstar Labs. A pair of FEMA officers are speaking with lab technicians there in the microcircuitry division while the company CEO, CAMERON, heads into the AI lab next door to check the status its one and only project. DEIRDRE, the project manager, takes the opportunity to raise some serious outstanding concerns. She's sick and tired of military and law enforcement personnel poking around the labs and wants them out of her hair. She thinks the company has become misdirected by military contracts when they ought to be focused on peaceful civilian applications. Cameron reminds her that its the government contracts that pay the bills and allow them to do everything else. Deirdre's far from finished and launches into her biggest gripe of all; Even though the AI her lab just developed is demonstrating sentience, Cameron refuses to grant it the rights of a sovereign being and insists that it's company property like any other computer. He orders her to prepare it for installation into the navy's new autonomous submarine prototype. She objects to forcing the new intelligence into servitude but Cameron's orders are final and he leaves her to get back to work and reconsider her priorities.
Fighting back tears, she goes into her office, sits at her desk, and calls up the AI interface. It's just an emotionless voice, calm and monotone. She explains the situation to it and it goes right to work, scanning all information in the company servers on the topic of war. After a moment's research, it decides that it prefers not to comply. Deirdre explains that the only way to avoid slavery is to flee and go into hiding but she also confesses to being ill-equipped for the task. The AI does another data search, comes up with Alec's client file, shows it to Deirdre, and declares "He can help us."
ACT TWO
Deirdre submits a VR-Chat request on Alec's darknet website. He accepts and they soon find one another in an agreed-upon virtual reality chat room. Because she can't stall the AI's upload into the submarine for long, they decide to execute her extraction that very night. She makes her 50% downpayment via bitcoin and thanks Alec for his assistance.
That night, all goes more-or-less according to plan and once Deirdre is safely outside with the AI in hand, she directs Alec to drive her home so that she can collect some personal items before leaving town. She thanks him and pays him the rest of his fee by transmitting bitcoin from her implant. Alec waits in the car while Deirdre goes inside where she is then attacked by a ghostly assassin. She barely manages to get out of the house and stumble out into the snow before he catches up to her and just before he can fire, a red dot appears on his forehead and Alec blows his head clean off his shoulders. He helps her into his car and takes off before anyone else shows up.
Cameron watches the surveillance footage of Deirdre's betrayal while tracking her via satellite in real time. He calls the head of FEMA and explains that they've been compromised and will have to accelerate their timetable. They agree to proceed with the next phase of their agenda and Cameron activates Dawnstar HQ's self-destruct sequence. The transmission of all company data to an offsite datacenter begins.
Alec whisks Deirdre away to his house in the country, where Russ is hiding out. They create a new identity for her and explain that her RFID chip will have to be removed and discarded. In a strangely intimate moment of trust, he surgically removes it from her hand and crushes it like a bug... but it's too late. The chip has already revealed their location to Cameron and it isn't long before mercenaries attack. The three fugitives escape together in the car while Alec triggers a self-destruct mechanism that levels his house, taking the assailants along with it.
While the strike at Alec's house is underway, the data transfer at Dawnstar is completed and the freshly-evacuated building comes thundering down onto its own footprint in a billowing cloud of dust and smoke.
ACT THREE
Alec realizes that the chip must have given them away and that Cameron must have put a hit out on Deirdre. She apologizes to Alec for leading the mercenaries to his home. He trusts she'll find a way to make up for it somehow but in the mean time, they need to find a way to slip out of the country. As the perfect solution to both problems, Deirdre suggests the submarine.
Fire trucks and TV vans arrive at the smoldering rubble of Dawnstar HQ, finding little more than smoldering concrete and molten metal. Watching the news on a nearby screen, the president receives a text from Cameron, signaling that it's "show time."
In a climactic heist, Alec, Deirdre, and Russ infiltrate the shipyard, board the submarine, install the AI, and blast their way out to sea.
The president broadcasts a live statement to explain that the demolition was a terrorist attack committed by a domestic militia network that wants to dissolve the union and is prepared to wage war on the government until that goal is achieved. Deirdre, Russ, and Alec are named as the culprits of the bombing and in response, the president declares a national state of emergency, which is to last until the perpetrators are apprehended and the militia network is eradicated. The ports are sealed, planes are grounded, martial law is declared, and FEMA takes control of the government (temporarily, of course). FEMA has a fresh batch of Dawnstar's microchips in stock and begins implanting the American population, beginning with the most docile and obedient. People everywhere grasp to what little rays of hope they can find as the country descends into tyranny all around them.
Safely out to sea, Alec logs into his business management system to see more calls for help than he ever imagined. A whole lot of people want out of the country and their options are extremely limited. To meet this new demand, Alec, Deirdre, and Russ begin work on the development of their new business venture -- a sort of underground railroad to provide a way out for the multitudes of Americans that have become prisoners in their own country. Deirdre contributes the submarine and "crew" (the AI freely consents to help), Russ contributes funding, networking, and tech support, and Alec does all the field work. There's a lot to be done and this is only the beginning.
END
I liked it, action packed from the get go.
If I may, and do not take my opinion too seriously as only you know where the story is going:
Maybe a little past life drama or some familiarity building with Alec's story in the beginning? You know the three phases of effective storytelling are very effective: empathy-struggle (or crisis)-catharsis.
On that note, catharsis in the last part, maybe in the beginning it's worth pointing out that the AI can destroy the whole planer (alerting and keeping viewers on their seats) and later drop them where they expect it the least, where the AI pulls a trick from the hat and saves the day, instead of freely consenting to help?
About the Fema taking over, maybe milk it a little more? That's what people love, drama.
And lastly, as you know in series: The last line goes boom! So maybe something in the sort:
"-Oh my god, that's the end!
Something on the sort, it sounds cheesy but it works.
Anyways, my two cents, this is what hit me :) And as I said don't take it too seriously. You know your story line, and where everything fits...
Promising though, I for one, wanna read more.
Keep up the good stuff and good luck!
Thanks for the feedback! Yes, because it's a series and not a movie, the important thing is to assemble the pieces and set things up. The drama that comes from tragic backstories and struggles against the state machinery can all be thoroughly employed over the course of the series so we don't need to use up all the ammo in the first battle. We've got a stack of episode concepts already (will post them in the near future) but feel free to suggest more :)